[Help_pls]

I am 29, and my husband is 35. We have been together for over 4 years and have 2 girls. For the past 3 years we argue and fight so much that every time we argue I always feel like he doesn't care at all for me. He has not worked for the past 2 years and I am the one working and he takes care of our daughters. I don't feel that he gives me the respect and love that I deserve for supporting our family. He has done so many "mistakes" "stupid things" as he says every time I confronted him. He use make so many gay jokes with his friends,and I would get upset and would tell him to please stop joking like that, to me its disrespectful.

He never listens and would get angry at me for telling him to stop. Several months later I get his phone and found gay porno and later I see he sent pics of his privates to his gay friend which they didn't keep in touch. I went to his sister for help. He found out that his sister knew what he did, and got so angry at me, and I got angry at him, and told him why is he more angry that his sister found out and not angry or embarrassed that I knew what he did.

I asked him if he is gay or curious and he got even more angry, its been more then 6 months since that happened and he never apologize or gave me respect, and then I found some messeges he had on his x Facebook page like "yummy yummy" I want some of that, and just some random things. Every time I ask for love I never get it. I wish he would love me and respect me the way I respect him.

Yes I do have an attitude but I do good things for the family. All he does is takes care of the girls while I am working. I have never disrespected him the way he has me.

[Fr_Chuck]

Let me see, this is how it sounds to me,

You earn the money and feel you should be in control ( sounds like husbands who wife's come here and complain

He has fun and makes jokes that you don't like, and you feel you have some right to control and make him do what you want.

I feel serious counseling is in need, since respect and allow each other to be themselves is a two way street.

[Cat1864]

All he does is take care of two children who are under the age five all day while you work? Does he do anything else like housework? Do you ever tell him how good he is with the children? Do you give him respect for what he does?

If you can't discuss the homosexually related issues, you might think about marriage counseling. Sometimes having neutral third party act as a mediator can make it easier to discuss difficult topics.

If you think he is cheating on you, marriage counseling or consult a divorce lawyer. If you don't trust him and can't work with him (either you aren't willing or he isn't) to work on rebuilding the trust, then separation may be your best choice. But consult a lawyer first to know what to expect in the way of custody agreements and child support. Don't automatically assume you will get custody and depending on where you live spousal support could also be part of a divorce.

[Jake2008]

If you aren't even sure of your husband's sexuality, how can you possibly repair your marriage without help.

And if he is unwilling to go to counselling and make an effort to honestly address some questionable behaviour that is causing (I think) most of the arguing (3 out of 4 years arguing and not resolving issues is a long time), then you will have your answer of staying or not.

I'm not so sure I would have shared the information you found, with his sister. That would have upset me as well. Try to resolve this within the marriage, without involving friends or family.

But, that alone does not excuse the fact that you really don't know who your husband really is. Maybe he doesn't even know himself. And if he is unwilling to accept that what you have concerns over is valid, and worthy of answers, you are not left with much.

If he refuses to try counselling as Chuck and Cat have already suggested, I suggest that you go yourself. Work out the doubts you have with an expert, and learn what you need to know in order to make the best possible decision for yourself and your girls.

[unuis]

Please. You may not think its true, but if and when your marriage does go sour you will feel awful for not trying this. Incorporate the Lord in your life. He can restore! Do your best in Christ. Even when your husband is doing wrong or being cruel continue to show Christ. Study, Pray because worst of all things is that God hates divorce. Malachi 2:16. God bless.

[talaniman]

Yes you do have an attitude, and should really find out where it comes from. I highly suspect you are reacting negatively to events that make him a stay at home dad, and you the sole provider.

Your anger, and resentments have gone deep, and you do need to step back and get some face to face counseling, and guidance to better ways of communicating with each other to resolve your issues.

Amazing you go to his family before you talk to him about the gay thing. More resentments that stop real solutions. Amazing even more is your lack of respect for him being a stay at home dad. Where does that come from, as many households have a provider, and a stay at home. They make it work. So can you, so get some guidance and get those resentments resolved so you can talk instead of argue.

Only then should you consider ending the marriage. Can you afford child support?