[bizzyflesh]

This might be a little long, but bear with me please. Things might get confusing for a second, but keep reading, and you'll get it.

First let me say, I am 25 years old. I have been through many relationships in the past and have learned from every one of them. There was always something to take from each one, even when I wasn't in love.

Now, I first met my recent girlfriend almost 11 months ago. We met on a chat site and it was funny because neither of us had experience with it. Anyway, we talked and texted each other for about a month. We decided we wanted to meet each other and plan a date. Our first date was six flags. I still kept my options open though. That same week I went on 2 other dates as well. I really enjoyed spending time with her the most out of any of them. We kept planning dates and eventually it became an every weekend thing. (Usually work prevented us from seeing each other during the week, seen as we live 25 miles apart.) We didn't even start officially dating until we had known each other for 6 months already. I made sure to take things slow, and not rush into things that way I knew for a fact that I wouldn't screw things up and that way I can find out what she wanted as well.

6 months came around. I asked her if she wanted to get a little more serious with me because I really liked her and she really liked me. She said yes, without much thought. One month into our relationship, my feelings skyrocketed for her. The very first night that I found out that I had fallen in love with her, she had fallen asleep in my arms. She is an amazing girl. The sweetest girl, always tells you how it is, hardly beats around the bush ( I say hardly, you will understand why in a minute ) likes to joke around, and makes me feel very comfortable when I'm with her. In my opinion, she is the perfect girl for me. We enjoyed doing many things together. She enjoys many things I enjoy. She's a sports fanatic and loves football and basketball. We're exactly similar in that category. Since we lived so far apart, and didn't get to see each other often, we would fall asleep in the phone together almost every night. Sounds cheesy, but it was just something we did to have that sense of being close to each other.

As far as her feelings for me, she always told me she really cared about me. But never told me that she loved me. She did tell me at one point that she was falling for me more and more everyday. Which is why I let my heart take full control of my feelings for her.

One of the things that I was always good about was expressing my emotions to her. I never held any inside, which kept us from fighting most of the time. She on the other hand, is not good at expressing her emotions or how she feels about something. It's almost as if she sees things set in stone most of the time and that is just the way it is, or thinks I'll get angry if she brings something up, which was never the case. I always asked her to express herself and tell me what's on her mind.

Let me back up a bit and explain something. I was in the Military for 4 years. 2 of those years I was stationed in Japan, and had the time of my life. I partied every single day, and liquor was my best friend. After returning to the states, I decided that I was mostly over my partying days. This is something we sort of shared in common, or so I thought. When I first met her she told me that she was "getting over" her partying days. She was already graduated from college and she spent most of her time partying during that time.

We were doing fine the entire time, or so I thought. A couple of nights came up where her friends had asked if she wanted to go out and she had asked me if I wanted to go out with her, but it was mostly a last minute type thing. And most of the time I was with her when she asked me while we were at her house. So I would have to drive all the way back home to change clothes, then all the way back, then drive another 10-15 miles to the club, then back to her house to drop her off, then back to my house. It would just be too much of a hassle for a last minute thing. I told her that its not because I don't like going out, or because I don't want to. But it was just too much of a last minute type thing, and if it had been planned, I would say yes instantly.

Ever since last year, she had been looking for tickets for the Drake concert that was going to be in town in February. The reason she couldn't get a hold of any was because the tickets were being sold exclusively to college students and the college students wanted to sell the tickets for way too much. One of her friends that supposedly had the hookup for the tickets, said he ran out of sources, but he knew a guy that had a VIP table at an afterparty that had room for one more person if she wanted to go. She asked me if she could go. I told her I wasn't going to tell her no, but I didn't feel comfortable with her going with some guy. And normally I'm not the jealous type. But I think every guy who loves their girl can speak on this, because we all get a little jealous, even if it we don't show it. And I am not the type of person who is going to dictate what she can or cannot do. I am by no means a controlling type of guy. I told her that it was her decision. The only problem with it was mostly Fridays and Saturdays were our hang out days, and it was going to be on a Friday, and it was with a guy WHOM I had never met before. She also said that me getting so upset over it made her think that I have trust issues. Later she agreed and said that was her fault and that she should have let me meet him. But after she apologized, I thought to myself, when? When do I have the time to meet him? Maybe I just made too much of a big deal about it because at the same time its not her fault that we don't have time to see each other but only mainly on the weekends.

I told her that I just don't trust any guy, and that I know how guys are because I am a guy, and that every guy wants the same thing. Even if he is just a friend, when he has that liquor in him, all he's going to be thinking about is sex. She really got angry when I said this and told me that is completely an opinion and that all guys are not the same. I let it go.

That same night I asked her, "how do you care about me so much," like she always says she does, "but not have love for me?" She said "I will tell you that I love you when I am ready." She said it with an upset attitude. And I told her I wasn't trying to force her to say it, I just wanted to know something. That was a good enough answer for me. I guess I felt kind of alone on emotions. You have to understand she hardly ever told me anything emotion wise, so I needed to know SOMETHING, anything.

So a few weeks ago, about the time that went down, she started acting funny. Different. I kept asking her why she was acting this way and she wouldn't say. She'd just say "I dunno". Finally I brought up that I wanted to move closer to her so that way I could be closer to my job and also her at the same time. She told me that she would never ask me to do that for her. And I said, well would it mean anything to you? Would it benefit you for our relationship? Because it would definitely benefit me. She said "I don't know". I asked her "How do you not know?".. And that's when she told me... She had been questioning our relationship.

I began to think... "waaaait... What?!"... Seriously. I asked her many times that night why she was feeling differently about our relationship. She told me a couple things. That she feels like we are an old couple sometimes. She feels like we just don't have that "spark" at times. Sometimes she felt that I'm more like a friend, rather then a boyfriend. She misses her social life. And that those 4 reasons were not the main reason, but that she was confused about her feelings and that she just didn't know what the main reason was. She had also said that when I don't go out with her , she feels alone and that she really wants me to be there. I tried my hardest to explain every problem she had. I first said "why did you keep all of these feelings in, and let them build up to this point? I always tell you to talk to me about your emotions." I truly, really, did not know that she cared so much if I went out with her or not. Her demeanor never expressed that, and how am I supposed to know if she never tells me? As far as the "spark" thing, I told her that I thought we had a lot in common. She responded that she felt sometimes that we didn't. I never kept her from being social or seeing her friends at any time. Although I know that mainly on the weekends is when people are social and hang out and that since she was with me she dedicated most of that time to me. But I never told her straight up that she HAS to hang out with me and not her friends. There were days on the weekends where we didn't hang out and she went out with her friends. To me all of this was just confusing. I took it in one breath at a time, but my feelings got the best of me.

I kept asking why... Why... Why? I was worried. I never wanted to lose her. Especially for NO REASON! She told me just give me some time. I said "give you time alone, or give you time to think about it?" She said, "time to think about it." I said OK.

A week went by. This past weekend, we saw each other Thursday, Friday and Saturday. And she was acting better those days then she was the previous couple of weeks. Saturday night came around and we had just finished eating dinner at this really cool spot where we hung out and got some drinks and just talked and watched a basketball game. To me , it was a perfect night with her. I went to drop her off at her home, and we began to talk. Emotions started coming out, and I told her I just don't want to lose her and the past 11 months we've spent together. She began telling me that she doesn't feel the same like she used to and that she doesn't know why. We talked for about 2 hours straight... And eventually it came down to me asking the ultimate question.. "So is this it? Are we through?" and it took her about 2 minutes to say the word "yes".. My heart was CRUSHED.. Literally. It still is.

She says she doesn't want to lose me in her life. That I've been really good to her and that she still wants me to be friends. We've still talked, and for the past 2 nights that we've been broken up, we still fall asleep on the phone together. When I tell her I didn't want to lose her.. She tells me that I haven't lost her and that she's still going to be in my life. She keeps telling me that she's "so sorry," and "she never wants to be the one to hurt me," and that "she cares so much for me."

I am absolutely SO confused about every aspect of the decision she made. I tell her that she's given up on our relationship. And she says that she didn't. She just "doesnt know" right now. I told her all I ever want her to be is happy, and if her decision is what makes her happy then so be it. But I can never stand to see her with anyone else. If I do, it would crush my heart to nothing.

Last night when we talked, I told her that she is the one person that brought extreme happiness into my life, and now that I lost her, I am completely torn. I cannot be happy like I was without her. She began crying.

I only went into detail on the instance in which she went out with her guy friend because that felt like the turning point in her feelings toward our relationship. I could have been wrong, though. I asked her about that and she said that didn't have anything to do with it. She told me that once we work things out, she never holds it against me.

I hate this. I know that she is confused about her feelings. But I need to know some peoples opinions on this. Please feel free to ask me questions if you think I have not covered or have been clear about any certain aspect. I am not afraid to speak about whatever you may be wandering.

I still want her in my life. My feelings for her cannot just vanish because there was never anything there to make them vanish. We never cheated on each other, we never fought.. There just isn't a reason for me to stop loving her. I can't.

[talaniman]

Sorry guy, but this adventure in love and romance is over, and you need some time away from her to accept it, heal, regroup, and get beyond it. It works like that for us all, and we do get on to better things in time.

Bow out gracefully, and thank her for her time because the more you keep talking to her, begging, the worse you will feel for a lot longer. She is NOT confused, YOU are!

Sorry for your loss, but you will never change her mind by still being available to her.

[entourage]

Unfortunately, I just went through the same thing about 4 weeks back. Almost exact, her feelings have changed and she does not know why - no reason - we had an amazing date that same night, everything was really good between us for 1.5 years. I was just stunned and really hurt.

First thing for yourself read the link here from this site, I found it very helpful
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/how-break-up-survive-101-use-you-wish-510418.html

Second go through the emotions, be sad, let it out if you need be,
Third, the hard part - look for closure, remove the hope and try to remember the type of person you were before you guys met.
Read on these issues, lot of sites I found on Google - how to handle it. I also googled signs I should break up with my girlfriend to give me a different perspective.

I won't lie, it hurts a lot still, but day by day it slightly gets better maybe just a very little but take it. I find I am going on this rollercoaster of emotions.

Also remember -something had to be really off for her that she made you go through this, or her-self with this - these things just don't happen - underlying reason behind it

[bizzyflesh]

Thanks for your insight guys. I am trying to move on. It isn't easy of course, but I know how to (past experience).

That being said, I normally wouldn't do this, BUT I needed closure, and I think it turned out for the better. She was leaving to New York for one week to visit her sister today, so last night I asked to see her before she left.

So I went to see her last night. We talked for a good 2 hours , and I asked her why she would just give up on us for no apparent reason. She told me that she feels that I have so much feelings for her, and that her feelings just don't match mine at the moment; and if they ever do... when will they? She says that she doesn't deserve me. She also went on saying that she's been speaking to her sister a lot about me and her. Her sister told her that if she was feeling that I was more of a friend than a boyfriend, then maybe she needs to find out what she really wants. So basically, her being confused is her figuring out what she wants.

I told her that I am aware of the situation that I put myself in (knowing her feelings don't quite match mine yet) and that if I really had a problem with it, I wouldn't want to be with her. I told her there is no reason to rush her feelings, just because my feelings are at a higher level than hers. Things take time. And just quitting on us, isn't the way she should have went about it. I told her that she really didn't think about my feelings as much -- that it hurts me more going through what I'm going through now, instead of trying to work things out.

I was really making her think on it. It showed me that she really is confused and that she really didn't know how to handle it. She asked me "What if.. we get back together, and I never get the feelings for you that you have for me." I told her that she can't live her life on "What If's" and the only way to know is to try things out. But to just quit is not the answer to things. We work on little things here and there. And that it would really help for her to tell me what she's feeling more often. She admitted that she needs to work on expressing her emotions more.

One thing that I don't think I mentioned in my original post is that I am only her 4th boyfriend, and she only had 1 boyfriend in high school her senior year. So she doesn't have much experience in relationships.

So I ended our conversation on this note: "I'm not looking for a answer or trying to force you to rush back into things with me. Your decision is your decision. All I want is for you to take time on your vacation, and think about us. Instead of all these emotions and questions popping in your head and you just answering them with 'I don't know', take the time to answer them. Find whats in your heart."

She agreed on taking the time to think about us.

I am happy that I found closure on the subject. I am not getting my hopes up about maybe us being back together, because obviously she can still go either way on that. But it really helped to do this. I know for most people it is hard to see their significant other, knowing that they still have all kinds of emotions, and it only hurts them even more. But if you keep your head on straight and focus on getting that closure, then its definitely worth your time.

Yes. I did ask her to think about us. I still think there can be something good between us. I still love her, and I will not give up that easily. But I won't get my hopes up in the mean time. I have agreed with myself to keep my distance until I receive an answer from her.

Some people just need help handling things sometimes. Nothing is ever set in stone.

[talaniman]

OKAY! Hope for the best, but plan for the worst. Good luck!

[jesus234]

Iam 14 and the first post was right just trust in god . This just happen to me I am crushed to.