[TomMcCoy76]

Breaking up after ten years:

My girlfriend and I have been together for nearly ten years. Last week was the first time we've considered going our separate ways.

First off, there is a considerable age difference between us (20 years), and that has always been a point of contention with her (she is the eldest). Our personalities, hobbies, and values all coincide perfectly, and our partnership couldn't be more enjoyable. We've been great friends for longer than I can recall, and we both passionately love each other.

However, she worries about my future.

With the age gap, she wants me to find someone closer to my own age, someone I can grow old, or start a family with, yet is unwilling to give me up because we are so emotionally and chronically invested in one another. She says that when the time comes that I leave her, she will be devastated.

Leaving her is unimaginable to me, as I have truly come across my soul-mate. I couldn't imagine a more loving, caring, or emotionally bonding relationship than the one we share. We're best friends, and she owns my heart. I would never want to leave her on my own accord, but I want her to be happy above all.

We both communally believe that this will not last forever, despite our best wishes; simply because of the age gap (the age difference doesn't bother me). She wants me to find someone my own age, and I couldn't image being without her.

I worry that I may not find another that will fill the voids that she does so flawlessly.

Let me also say that I am manipulative, I have impenetrable walls that I protect myself with, and detach from friends� easily, I view people as friends� based on their immediate value to me, and discard them once the value has concluded. She is the only person ever to get through the walls I create, the only person I truly care for, and she is my best friend.

Neither one of us wants to give the other up, and we both believe that it is in the others best interest to walk away. We've dug ourselves into a hole, and to avoid the pain of climbing out we simply dig deeper.

I am truly terrified of leaving her after giving so much of myself, yet I want her to be happy, and her thoughts mirror my own.

[talaniman]

Could it be your ways of relating to people is disgusting, to her, and she has had enough, and your unwillingness to change is what's driving this disconnect? Do you even want to change your ways or not? You seem quite good at meeting your own agenda, but ask her if she is not just tired of your selfish way. Also, not knowing your ages, she may well be at the point that she takes her future quite seriously, and for example if you are 30, and she would be 50, and is afraid of her own mortality, and aging, and her whole body chemistry has changed. (menopause?? )

Stop seeing this from YOUR point of view, and see it from hers. You are in the prime, she no longer is. She has a great fear of what her later years will be like, and it's a strong reassurance she needs.

What are your exact ages??