[layme24]

Me and my girlfriend, now ex-girlfriend, had been dating since March 7, 2009 - our relationship was great, amazing to say the least. She left for college this year about an hour and a half away, we saw each other occasionally, much less than when we both went to the same high school. However, our relationship was still strong at first. Then we had a few speed bumps along the way. Until recently, she had been feeling very, very, pressured / stressed (she is a design / architecture major) and felt very bad she couldn't commit any time to the relationship. Valentines day we were still together, than a week later she asked for a break, a time to figure things out. After a week she decided she really needed to get through the next two months, as she really needed to get into the school of design next year. I understood, but it hurt a lot to hear she wanted to end things.

At first, she insisted she really wanted things to work out and then over time she became very 'unresponsive', she wasn't the same person I knew. Eventually, after a many long talks and screw ups, we had a big talk recently. She told me that there were just so many things she has been doubting lately, her friends, family, major, etc. Then went on to say she felt like we grew apart and that she loves me but isn't in love with me anymore.

She has said she 'wants' things to work out and come summer time, when we will be living in the same town, this is our chance to try and work things back out, try to get things back to the way they were. I really do want things to work out, we were a great couple and school just really screwed things up, I mean we talked about our 'future' multiple times because it was that good of a relationship. I just don't know how to handle this, she has said we've felt like just friends lately and I can see where she is coming from on that, I just don't know how to go about this - she has been the first girl I've really loved and spent 3 1/2 years with her. Any advice / feedback?

[Homegirl 50]

This is a common occurrence when you date in High School and one geos off to college.
You are away from each other, your horizons broaden and you grow in different directions.
The break is a wise thing. That first year of college can be stressful enough, it is also a time for spreading your wings.
You may not get things back the way they were, you are different people now, at least she is. Just be honest about your feelings and don't allow yourself to be strung along. This is hard for her two, so just look out for your feelings. Make friends, keep yourself busy, move on.
If things work out when she comes back home, fine, if they don't you will have not been sitting around with false hope.

[talaniman]

Man do you remind me of how things were back in the day, but unfortunately for me my high school sweetheart wanted to explore so we broke up. All those plans and high hopes just turned to a cruel joke.

Took a while to let go, and get some control back, but I managed to thrive, survive, heal, and moved on. I hope it works better for you, so hope for the best, but plan for the worst.

As I remember, after a time of severe hurt, friends, family, and a job and activities is what got me through it. Had some great dates and a lot of fun without her, developed a killer crossover dribble, and a nice smooth back stroke. Looking back, (okay way back) I wouldn't have changed a thing.

No matter what happens, things will get a lot better and you will figure out how to get thru the hard times yet to come. So relax, and go with the flow, and just see what happens. Don't sweat the things you can't control (the thoughts and actions of others), and focus on what you can control (YOUR thoughts, and actions). Just keep your dignity, and self respect, and act with good orderly direction, and stay cool, calm, and collected, and under control at all times.

[layme24]

Thanks for the responses, I'm glad to hear a little more insight than those directly around the situation. Just a little update, after we had this big talk last Sunday, things have started to move in a very positive direction. She realized she was only pushing me away and not giving me a chance and felt bad about that, felt like she was just scared. We talked from time to time this week, shortly and nothing to do with anything negative, just school and what not.. Come Saturday she called me, we talked for an hour about a bunch of stuff - both of us were laughing and joking with each other and she said, "I'm glad things are going in the right direction.. this feels so much better than before, I mean this feels like we're starting to move forward and let the break take its course. This is probably the best it has been since our breakup."

So as of now, things are going in the positive direction, we are talking more which will at the minimum allow us to still be great friends after all is said and done - now I just have to let things work themselves out and not force anything!