[sting_113]

Before I start, I feel like the most selfish bloke in the planet, so I don't need people telling me so within their answers.

I've been in a relationship for 8 years now, and I live with my partner. I had been deeply unhappy for sometime and one night I met somebody while out with friends. We stayed in touch, but I decided enough was enough and that I needed to try and make it work with my partner. Few weeks down the line I was back to where I was before, and back in touch with the 'other' person.

Things got more serious and I decided to tell my partner about the 'other' person. I felt so guilty and I don't know if that's what made me stick around. My partner is willing to forgive me but the 'other' person is wanting me to leave and asking why I'm sticking around if I'm so unhappy?

When I try to leave, I can't. She's a good person and doesn't deserve my indecision.

Am I in love with two women, or am I just staying with her because its easier or out of pitty? I'm confused.

[JoeCanada76]

First of all, please understand that when you are asking a question. Please remember that you can not really tell us what to say and not say.

Secondly, You have been unhappy for some quite time and you are sitting between two people. How far has it gone with this other person?

Third, Have you communicated to the girl of 8 years of how unhappy you are in this relationship? If so, how to start mending the relationship. When staying in a relationship out of guilt and out of pity, do you really think that is fair to yourself to the partner you are with?

Question is not if you are in love with two people. The question is are you actually in love with the person you have been with for the past 8 years. Tough question?
If you are not loving this person, if you are not in life. You should walk away. This does not give you free rain on the other person. If you end a relationship you need to take time to yourself.

The grass is not always greener on the other side. You might just be setting yourself up for more disappointment. You just never know.

All I know is the indecision on your part is not fair for either girl...

[DoulaLC]

I agree with Joe... what have you done thus far to rekindle the relationship with your current partner? Are there specifics that cause you to be unhappy or do you think it is more of the normal ebb and flow in a relationship? Are you unhappy with the relationship or are you unhappy with your life, your accomplishments, etc. The point being, is it the lack of feelings for your partner, or that you are unhappy with yourself, or bored, and have allowed that to carry over to the relationship?

Best to put this other person out of the picture until you are able to discover what is causing you to feel as you do. This going back and forth will only continue to cloud your judgement and feelings. Once you do that, you can then decide whether it is something that you can change. Counseling, either for yourself or as a couple with your partner, might be helpful if you can't figure it out on your own. Sometimes an outside person can help you figure out what the root of the issue is.

Talk with your partner and discuss your unhappiness. You have opened the door already with admitting involvement with someone else. Take advantage of that now and work at figuring out what the problem is. Maybe it's a rut you have fallen into, maybe you don't see the relationship going the direction you would like it to, maybe finances, work, poor choices, life in general are bringing you down and sabotaging the relationship at the same time.

You owe it to yourself, and to your partner, to figure out what is wrong and whether you both want to work on it. In the meantime, let this other person know that you are going to work on yourself and your relationship and that there will be no further contact.

In time, you will either find new joy and commitment in your current relationship or you will decide to end it. At that time you can decide what to do next.

[talaniman]

Drop the new girl, cut her out of your life, and that ends the indecision. Now work with your 8 year partner, get help, and guidance if you need it.

Bottom line, resolve the relationship you have before rebounding to another one that is easy to do, but may end up worse. Your indecision is because you are distracted by an option that's available that looks good on paper, but you are not sure about, because its not love because it has not stood the test of time and obstacles that love requires.

Handle your home first, and ignore and reject the quick fix, feel good for now, that the other females offers. Answer the question of going, or staying before you half a$$ a decision of which woman to be with.

You make decisions based on facts, and not just feelings.