[beggies]

My husband wants to have anal sex. The 1st time we tried, it hurts like hell. I can't bear the pain, so I made him stop... He was very disappointed... Can you please help me answer my question? How can I ease the pain?

[cdm1972]

I was in the same situation as you are now. There is a lubricant at the adult stores that will numb you a little so you won't feel any pain. I believe it is called anal ease. Once you are relaxed you can enjoy it as much as your husband.

[LisaB4657]

There are three steps: relaxation, preparation and lubrication.

First make sure that you are clean, so that you won't feel self-conscious. Another way to relax is to have a glass of wine.

Second is preparation. Your husband will have to be patient and help you to get ready. A long massage, maybe starting at your neck and shoulders and working his way down will really help. But the most important part is that he should get you ready, very slowly, with his fingers. He can't just enter you without having spent a lot of time touching, massaging and opening your entrance with at least one finger.

The third step is lubrication. You absolutely must use some form of lubrication. Do NOT use Vaseline or any type of petroleum jelly. They are breeding grounds for infection. Look for any water-soluble lubrication in the "personal products" section of your local pharmacy. A popular lubrication is KY but there are many to choose from. Don't choose things like "warming gels". There will be enough going on without you needing further stimulation like that.

I suggest that you and your husband enjoy a glass or two of wine. Then let him give you a long massage using the lubricant and working his way to your anal area. He should prepare you with his finger until the entrance of his finger is not painful for you. Once you reach that point you can try going further.

Good luck!

[Cat1864]

Do you want to have anal sex? If you don't want to try it as much as he does then don't. His 'disappoint' is something he can live with, however, the feeling that you were coerced into doing something you don't want to can cause a major issue in the marriage.

It isn't for everyone and if you are uncomfortable at the thought then you shouldn't force yourself just to make him happy.

Getting tipsy or drunk should not be a part of having sex with your husband. Discuss what is going on with your husband before you try again. Make certain that both of you are on the same page.

It is different if you do want to try. Then you should relax but not enough to be unable to say no or stop if it still hurts or feels like you are tearing.

Work up to it over several sessions until you are comfortable with the thought.

[LisaB4657]

Getting tipsy or drunk should not be a part of having sex with your husband.

I have to disagree with this because it's a very sweeping statement. Many fertility experts recommend a glass of wine before sex for couples who are having trouble conceiving. Apprehension and nervousness can ruin the act before it ever gets started.

Apprehension and nervousness can cause the OP to tighten muscles that should not be tightened during anal sex. I didn't suggest that she get drunk; merely that she try to relax before trying again. I got the distinct impression that she was looking for a way to enjoy it. Obviously if she doesn't really want to do it then she shouldn't do it.

[Cat1864]

I have to disagree with this because it's a very sweeping statement. Many fertility experts recommend a glass of wine before sex for couples who are having trouble conceiving. Apprehension and nervousness can ruin the act before it ever gets started.

Apprehension and nervousness can cause the OP to tighten muscles that should not be tightened during anal sex. I didn't suggest that she get drunk; merely that she try to relax before trying again. I got the distinct impression that she was looking for a way to enjoy it. Obviously if she doesn't really want to do it then she shouldn't do it.

Perhaps I wasn't clear enough before. If the op is not comfortable with the thought of anal sex to begin with and really doesn't want to try, then she shouldn't make herself tipsy or drunk to go through with it just to please her husband.

If she doesn't normally consume alcohol or is a recovering alcoholic, then even one drink could put her in a position that isn't good for her.

I am also hesitant to give her advice that diminishes her will power or that might cause her husband to 'over serve' her to get what he wants.

If she is okay with the thought and wants to try as much as he does, then 'relaxing' is a good thing.