[Angelababcock]

I am 42 years old and I have an 11 year old boy. My boyfriend and I have been living together for about 4 years now. Since the beginning of the relationship he has told me how bad he wants to have a baby with me. I wasn't able before because I was very sick but now that I don't have health issues anymore he are trying to get pregnant. However he has told me that if I don't get pregnant, he will leave me because he knows he will not be happy if he doesn't have a kid of his own. I understand him but on the other hand my head spins around thinking that he doesn't really love me for who I am but for what I can do for him. Am I right with this? Someone, please give me an advice on what should I do? Should I leave him or should I go through all this pain that I feel by knowing I eventually lose him?

[DoulaLC]

Hi Angelababcock,

How does he know that he can father a child? IF you were to continue this relationship, it would be wise for both of you to have some initial fertility testing. At 42, pregnancy can be possible for some women, but many will find medical assistance is required. Even that does not always work out. It would be a costly commitment to go through with no guarantee of success. That would be an awful lot of pressure hanging over your head as you would know that the outcome would definitely effect your relationship.

I can understand his desire to have a child, but to put it all on you simply isn't accurate or right.

He may love you dearly, but his desire for a child is such that he wants to put that first.

You'll have to decide what you want to do knowing what you know. He has made his thoughts quite clear. Your decision may depend on whether this is the sort of relationship you want to be in. I wish you well.

[talaniman]

He is your long term boyfriend, so match his demands with demands of your own, like long term financial security for you and any children you have including insurance and property claims for your future child his heir.

In practical terms that means the protection of marriage, just in case he does leave, in the future. Lets be real, if you can give him a baby, he can give you a house, full insurance and all the trappings of a responsible union, with all the tax benefits and perks of a family.

Sounds fair and reasonable to me, or let the bum walk, and get a real guy who is serious about life, and the future, and NOT just selfish at YOUR expense. I think its smart to let him find a fool who will go along with his BS, and demand little in return.

Come on a child is not a gift, or present to stroke someone's ego, its 18 years at least of hard work, and loving care, and a lifetime of attention and worry. If he is asking for a child without the deeper conversation to show this is a thought out plan for the right way of doing things, then YOU better think beyond just getting pregnant to keep him.

That's a lousy idea.

[Homegirl 50]

At 42 he wants you to get pregnant and if you don't he will leave? Has he committed to marry you and make sure this baby is taken care of? He sounds rather foolish to me. How old is he?
I'd let him leave. You don't give someone you care about ultimatums like that.