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BiWiccanAndProud · Feb 14, 2012, 08:41 PM

Okay I live in the state of Kansas. Me and my girlfriend have been together for 6 months. We are not only engaged but we have a child on the way. I am of legal age my girlfriend is 17, 18 in August. We only very recently informed our parents of the situation. Although my mother was fine with, my girlfriend's mother was not. She is practically refusing to let her see me, as she will not let her come to me and won't let me on their property. My girlfriend not only hates her mother's home but feels in danger of her step father. Her mother has refused to let her get emancipated because she "wants her to suffer". Is there any way to legally get her out of her mother's home. We are both worried about her safety and the safety of our unborn child. Her mother has even said that even when she turns 18 she will let me no where near her or my baby if my girlfriend can't find somewhere to move (I am currently staying with friends). Please help.

smoothy · Feb 14, 2012, 08:49 PM

No... her parents are her legal guardians until she is an adult... not you. That changes upon her 18th birthday. Are you even able to support yourself, I ask because you are staying with friends rather than having your own place. Of course when she turns 18, any obligation to support her in any way shape or form ends... and they are never under any obligation to support you.

Have you considered that end of it yet... supporting yourself is hard, supporting yourself, a girlfriend AND a child is MUCH harder.

I only hear you bashing her family who are supporting her, yet nothing that shows you are even capable of supporting her AND the child.

And I see a VERY rude person gave this an Unhelpful because they aren't mature enough to handle the truth and reality of life...

nicky420 · Feb 15, 2012, 04:19 AM

She needs to go to the nearest police station and talk to someone about the situation. She needs to CLEARLY explain that she feels her and the baby could be in danger and that she needs to know what options she has. I live in California but I don't think these situations are handled very different here. What I would do here is exactly what I said earlier and to have a back up plan. Your girlfriend needs to have somewhere she can stay other than her home, because if for any reason she files a restraining order against her step father, she won't be able to live in the same house as him. If he's hit her or threatened her in any way she can possibly charge him with assult or file a complaint so it's on file if anything else happens. Another thing is that YOU need to be careful, since you're 18 you're legally an adult and her being 17 makes her a minor, MEANING her parents could sue you for having sexual relations with a minor which could turn into Stachatory rape charges and be put away for years. So YOU need to be really careful and keep your distance from her parents until she turns 18. I hope this helps, let me know if you have any more questions, good luck!

ScottGem · Feb 15, 2012, 04:36 AM

Something doesn't make sense here. You have been a member here for several years. And I always had the impression that you were female. In addition, in another thread (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/other-...do-583834.html) you refer to your "mother-in-law". Furthermore, in a thread almost three years ago (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/bankru...-391435-2.html), you claimed to work as a debt collector. So a story now that you are an 18 yr old guy raises questions.

However, as smoothy said, the girl is under the control of her parents. Until she is 18 they can keep you from her. And you can get in trouble if you defy them. On the other hand, the age of consent in Kansas is 16, so the statutory rape charges are not applicable. The only thing she does have control over is the birth of her child. So she can make any decisions she wants on that. This means she could have you go to doctor's visits and be in the hospital.

I suggest you concentrate on finding a way to support her and the child and cool things until August.

ScottGem · Feb 15, 2012, 04:42 AM

Originally Posted by nicky420

Another thing is that YOU need to be careful, since you're 18 you're legally an adult and her being 17 makes her a minor, MEANING her parents could sue you for having sexual relations with a minor which could turn into Stachatory rape charges and be put away for years. So YOU need to be really careful and keep your distance from her parents until she turns 18. I hope this helps, let me know if you have any more questions, good luck!

Thank you for trying to help our members. Since you are new here you may not be aware of certain standards. We take pride in the accuracy of the advice given here. Especially in the technical forums, like Law, where answers are often right or wrong. And in the Law forums, need to deal with current law. The fact here is the age of consent for Kansas (something easily researched) is 16. Therefore, there is no question about statutory (that's the correct spelling) rape charges here.

Also, the police will generally not handle something like this unless there are specific and documented threats. A better alternative is to talk to Family Services and report it there.

BiWiccanAndProud · Feb 15, 2012, 06:59 PM

I was skimming the comments made so far I would just like to say to ScottGem that yes I am female the post was posted by a male friend of mine whom I let use my account to post a question. I am the friend he is staying with.

BiWiccanAndProud · Feb 15, 2012, 07:09 PM

Okay now that I have actually read the comments. I first want to say thank you to ScottGem for correcting the age of consent issue. Also thank you ScottGem for the info on doctors visits. So far (to my knowledge) my friend has not been kept from doctors visits, but I will make sure to let him know this information. Also as for supporting himself, her, and the child. Although he is currently living with me and my husband he does have a job (not a very good one right now mind you, but a job which is more then I can say for most people I know). He is currently trying to find a better job and has filed several applications at better paying places. As soon as he finds a better paying job he is going to try to find a decent place to live.

Also @ smoothy regarding the parents "obligation" to take care of my friends girlfriend. Her mother has out right said that she won't let her get emanciapted because she wants to make her miserable, she has told me this herself (I'm also friends with her, the girlfriend, not just him). It's more of a control issue for her mother then actually caring.

BiWiccanAndProud · Feb 15, 2012, 07:18 PM

And I see a VERY rude person gave this an Unhelpful because they aren't mature enough to handle the truth and reality of life...

I would just like to say I did not mark it unhelpful and neither did he so please don't go insulting someone who has not said anything against you. As far as I can see I can't actually see who marked it unhelpful but if it is from my account I didn't not mean to.

ScottGem · Feb 15, 2012, 07:18 PM

Originally Posted by BiWiccanAndProud

I was skimming the comments made so far I would just like to say to ScottGem that yes I am female the post was posted by a male friend of mine whom I let use my account to post a question. I am the friend he is staying with.

You should have known better. You are not a member unfamiliar to the regulars here. You should have known we would pick up on this. There is no reason your friend could not have created his own screen name and used it. And I would suggest that he, in fact, do that and not use your account any further.

I would also caution you to be careful here. If you interfere at all between the girl and her family, you could find yourself in trouble.

Originally Posted by BiWiccanAndProud

Her mother has out right said that she won't let her get emanciapted because she wants to make her miserable, she has told me this herself (I'm also friends with her, the girlfriend, not just him). It's more of a control issue for her mother then actually caring.

A parent doesn't "let" a child become emancipated. Emancipation is something used by a minor to divorce themselves from parents. It is very hard to get through the courts. And, given the girl's age the likelihood of her getting emancipated before she turns 18 is virtually nil. Once she turns 18, the mother will not have any control over her.

BiWiccanAndProud · Feb 15, 2012, 07:25 PM

I apologize for letting him use my account I was unaware there was a rule against it. Thank you for letting me know though, I will avoid letting others use my account in the future. Also I am not going to directly get in the middle (that's one mess I really don't want to be in). I am only trying to help him find answers because it really is a bad situation for the both of them. Thank you for the info on the emancipation. I was under the assumption that it has to be an agreement between parent and child (don't remember where I heard that from but I remember be told it went something like that). I will pass on this info as well, but advise him and her to continue on that route with caution (I don't think they will want a bigger mess then they have should the mother find out). Also ScottGem should I just have him open an account and repost the question or would it be okay to allow him to continue to find answers through this question?

smoothy · Feb 15, 2012, 07:27 PM

Originally Posted by BiWiccanAndProud

Okay now that I have actually read the comments. I first want to say thank you to ScottGem for correcting the age of consent issue. Also thank you ScottGem for the info on doctors visits. So far (to my knowledge) my friend has not been kept from doctors visits, but I will make sure to let him know this information. Also as for supporting himself, her, and the child. Although he is currently living with me and my husband he does have a job (not a very good one right now mind you, but a job which is more then I can say for most people I know). He is currently trying to find a better job and has filed several applications at better paying places. As soon as he finds a better paying job he is going to try to find a decent place to live.

Also @ smoothy regarding the parents "obligation" to take care of my friends girlfriend. Her mother has out right said that she won't let her get emanciapted because she wants to make her miserable, she has told me this herself (I'm also friends with her, the girlfriend, not just him). It's more of a control issue for her mother then actually caring.

Doesn't matter... its HER legal right as a parent, and her moral obligation as a parent... and MOST good parents would do the same thing to protect their child, boy OR girl. If the mother didn't care she would have simply said "then get out, and don't let the door hit you on the butt on the way out....and don't come back." Because trust me.. I've known people who had that happen to them.

Particularly if said "boyfriend" is unable to support themselves much less make enough to support their daughter and grandchild. Its NOT as simple as deciding I will go out and get a job, apartment and be able to support a family just like that at the snap of a finger. It's a HUGE leap and difficult transition to make in life.

Simple reality is you are not blessed with maturity on your 18th birthday... its something that's learned and earned... and some people won't develop it for many, many years later. A small handfull might never get it until well into being middle aged.

This is something most young people can't grasp until they are in excess of 30 years old... and they have developed the maturity to see things from an adults perspective... when you view things beyond what you want right now... and start looking at things more realistically like... how can I get what I need to do this before you decide to do it. Run short of money you go hungry or do without... because if you don't pay the rent, you get evicted, don't pay the utilities they get turned off, don't have cash at the grocery store you don't buy food. Your car breaks and you can't pay the mechanic you walk or take the bus. Because nobody is obligated to give you money to do it... those are the sort of things you have to think about first... before she is 18 and a legal adult. And very few first jobs will pay enough to do that. Even with a college degree.

Because this is the reality. No judge will grant her emancipation unless she is able to prove she is capable of fulling being able to pay her own way and be self supporting and here is the important part... ON HER OWN, BY HERSELF. Until that happens if her mother wants it or not... no judge in the country would grant it. At 18 she will be an adult and responsible for her own mistakes, and decisions... even if that means she is sleeping under a bridge at night. Because your parents can toss you out then if you fail to live by their rules.

Every person reading this over the age of 30 will agree with what I just said.

Its not personal... I'm viewing this realistically, I've been that age... I know what goes through your mind then... (I remember that with the clarity like it was last week)... and I can see it now from the adult perspective of knowing what can go wrong... and learning that what you don't expect... you can expect to happen. Nothing like the school of hard knocks to teach you the hard lessons of life... because I have a PHD from the School of Hard Knocks.

smoothy · Feb 15, 2012, 07:48 PM

Originally Posted by BiWiccanAndProud

I would just like to say I did not mark it unhelpful and neither did he so please don't go insulting someone who has not said anything against you. As far as I can see I can't actually see who marked it unhelpful but if it is from my account I didn't not mean to.

Did you see me throw a name at anyone? Fact is I don't know who did it either.

ScottGem · Feb 15, 2012, 07:49 PM

Yes, have him post to this thread.

BiWiccanAndProud · Feb 15, 2012, 08:30 PM

I just want to thank everyone for their answers thus far. I am going to have my friend create his own account and have him hop on here so that he himself can discuss the situation with you and so that he can reply to all the comments made so far. Again thank you to you all for taking the time to answer.

BiWiccanAndProud · Feb 15, 2012, 08:36 PM

Also @ smoothy I apologize for my brash comment towards your comment on the unhelpful rating. When you commented on maturity I assumed you were referring to my friend. @ everyone(side note this is the last comment I will make on this thread. My friend is making his own account as I type so he will be commenting regarding this from here on not me. His user is Mears88.)

mears88 · Feb 15, 2012, 08:38 PM

Okay, I'm the one with the question here, I came here for help not criticism, I have a job now and can support myself, I may not have a place yet, but it will change soon, I come here for help in my situation and if you can't help then please don't comment, I have lived on my own once before for 4 years, I did it just fine by myself. My Fiancé act's more of an adult than most people I know, at home she is treated like dirt, her step dad has put his hands on her before and thrown stuff at her and her mom has yelled at her unprovoked causing stress which I'm worried will hurt the baby. So I don't feel she is safe there, all I want to know is any fact's or legal thing's we can do to get her out of there so I can protect her and my child, now if you can help me great, if not and you just want to criticize, then please do no comment.

smoothy · Feb 15, 2012, 08:54 PM

Originally Posted by mears88

Okay, im the one with the question here, i came here for help not criticism, I have a job now and can support myself, i may not have a place yet, but it will change soon, i come here for help in my situation and if you can't help then please don't comment, i have lived on my own once before for 4 years, i did it just fine by myself. My Fiance act's more of an adult than most people i know, at home she is treated like dirt, her step dad has put his hands on her before and thrown stuff at her and her mom has yelled at her unprovoked causing stress which im worried will hurt the baby. So i don't feel she is safe there, all i want to know is any fact's or legal thing's we can do to get her out of there so i can protect her and my child, now if you can help me great, if not and you just want to criticize, then please do no comment.

First off... you don't own the site.. you don't get to tell anyone who can and can't answer, or what and how they can answer... thats how it works in the real world. And its part of the terms of the usage agreement for the site you agreed to when you joined.

Because you made comments disparaging your girlfriends family... you are open to the same thing about your motives. And its clear you are not a neutral party...

And last off... drop the attitude... that is blatantly obvious you have in abundence... we see all it... and its clear her mother sees it as well... If MY daughter dated anyone like that you can be certain I'd be trying to keep her from you too.

If you can't show respect for the parents of someone you date... you can't have that much respect for them either. That's the fact of life. And it will always be a major source of friction when she gets some maturity, and at some point she will..

smoothy · Feb 15, 2012, 09:02 PM

Originally Posted by BiWiccanAndProud

Also @ smoothy I apologize for my brash comment towards your comment on the unhelpful rating.

Your apology is graciously accepted.

Fr_Chuck · Feb 15, 2012, 09:08 PM

If the girl was in that much danger, she was in all that danger before, but there did not seem to be a issue till she is not allowed to do what you or the girl wants to do. If there is real danger they can report it to children's services but that will not put the girl with the boy.

mears88 · Feb 15, 2012, 09:12 PM

@ Smoothy, I'm not here to argue and if I seemed like I was angry I apologize, I want to show respect to her parents, but it's hard when her mom treats her in such a bad manner and her step dad is obviously a dangerous man. All I want is answers to help my situation, So instead of judging me, help me out here. I can support her and I will, there's no doubt in that. I love her and I love my child and I want us to be together and when the baby is born for us to be as a family, and I feel her parents are a volatile element in that thing. I've seen good parenting from many people, but they aren't good parents and are NOT protecting her, they in my observation are selfish and trying to make her life miserable because their lives are miserable. I have no problem with my fiancé being with them but keeping her from me and my unborn child is just not right. Now I ask for any advice not criticism in my situation.