[Lizzy18]

I remember there is this time when I was home and my mother and I were busy discussing what my plans were for my future. Then I started with establishing my own company considering I had started making headway in some projects, then I went to moving out and having my own home. Then she told me that moving out into my own home can come last, seriously, I am going 30. Otherwise, I have been desperate for a job and later noted my mails had been hacked from whichever sources. Now the issue is that there were about two opportunities out there which were very much within her reach but she never bothered to tell me. Recently, we were to meet in a restaurant and mother promised to cater for the bill but she never turned up but luckily I managed to pay the bill. So what is not happening? Otherwise, I have been doing lots of online advertising on my skills..

[Schoolmarm97]

That's a tough question to answer without talking to your mother. It sounds as if there are things going on that aren't making much sense, and that usually indicates a lack of accurate information.

First, though, she's right that moving out into your own home is the last thing you should do AFTER you get a good job and get settled financially. That's a no-brainer. You need a steady income, insurances, a good vehicle that will last a while, and some idea of where you're headed. So many young people move out and then wind up returning home after they've fallen behind in rent or mortgage payments or have found that the expense of living on their own is far more than they predicted and they simply can't afford it. From a parents' perspective, it's better to feel confident that your child has the wherewithal to live alone than to be hit some time later with a returning child. Parents are people, too.

I'm not clear on whether you're suggesting that your mother hacked your email without your permission. If that's the case, that's a separate issue. You need to clean up your computer and put a new password on your email so that that can't happen again. The temptation for her to snoop may be very strong; I don't know. I don't know what you mean about some opportunities that she could have acted on but didn't. Opportunities for whom? And the part about your mom stiffing you at the restaurant is another question that I'd want to ask her about directly. You say she didn't show up at all, but you ordered and ate, right? So it was your own meal you paid for, not someone else's, right? You need to ask her what happened and clear the air so you can move forward.

[Lizzy18]

Thanks a lot for the answer but mother loves cash and woe unto you if you are declared bankrupt... that is my underlying issue!!

[Wondergirl]

Thanks a lot for the answer but mother loves cash and woe unto you if you are declared bankrupt... that is my underlying issue!!!

So please be clear.

Do you live at home, or not?

Do you have a good job, or not?

Do you have a car, or not?

Do you pay all your expenses (auto insurance, rent, food, clothing, personal needs), or not?

[Schoolmarm97]

Mother loves cash? Hmmmm... and are you paying rent? Is that the crux of the issue? Does she want to keep you home as a steady income source?

Woe unto you if you become bankrupt... so you're worried that if you don't toe the line and stay home, and you aren't really ready to go it alone, there won't be a place for you when you want to roll back into the nest?

I'm sticking by my original thought. You need to get a job, get yourself in order, and then (and only then, since it sounds like a one-way ticket) move out.