[JMR420]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two years. In the beginning of our relationship, I had planned to go to a college close to home where we could have been together. A couple of months into the relationship, I got an acceptance letter into a really good school and a grant offer that I couldn't pass up. The problem is that this school is 6 hours away from home. It was made clear that although he didn't want me to leave he understood my situation and was willing to work it out.

We see each other just about 4 months out of the year, but talk to each other everyday on the phone and try to visit each other at least once a month. My boyfriend has had some problems with keeping jobs, and I've occasionally had to pull out some money to help him pay his rent and money just so he could have food to eat. Not depending on my parents and having to take on numerous jobs while going to school, it has become hard supporting both me and him. The times that he was working or was receiving money he did pay me back and splurged on me a little bit.

Recently he has enrolled into a vocational school and is trying to get into a college, and seems very determined to try to better himself. For the past two years I have wanted to partake in study abroad programs, summer classes and internships, but every time I bring up the idea, he quickly shuts it down. He says "I already don't see you enough, and now you don't want to come home for the summer?" He even went so far as to say that I'm purposely trying to find ways to not go home so that I won't be with him, which is not the case. I absoluetly adore him. He has helped me with so much, and has been there for me when no one else has. He's my best friend and I can't see my future without him, but sometimes I feel like he's holding me back. These experiences will help broaden my horizons and help me get closer to my perspective career.

I understand that he wants to be with me every chance that we get, but is he being too selfish by not letting me do things that would be good for me?

[I wish]

You have to do what's best for you. If he can't understand that, then he's not being a very considerate boyfriend. I would hate for you to make career sacrifices and be unhappy for not pursuing what you really wanted.

Try to work things out with him, but if he's not supportive of your endeavors, then you're going to have a lot of problems with him in the future as well, it's not just an immediate problem.

[talaniman]

Don't blame him for not wanting you to leave. But its you that has to make him understand that you are doing this for you and if he cannot handle it, then there is no more to work out.

Take the opportunity of a lifetime, because you will hate him if you don't.