[brillyx]

This is a long article, so if you can't take the time to read the whole thing, it's not going to be worth it.

Back in middle school and elementary school, I was fairly unpopular. I hung out with kids other kids thought of as 'losers' and generally, my Friday night consisted of me staying at home on the computer playing Runescape.

Well fast forward to freshman year at a new high school, catholic. Everything changes. Everyone there is actually nice and social and won't ask who you are if you randomly join a conversation, unlike the public school I went to. Kids at the new school that were nice would be regarded as queers back at my old school, everything was flip flopped. I ended up becoming more noticed by quite a few kids, no one really knowing who I was, more so just me being liked for a few small inside jokes I made with some other kids at the school that were more popular. One key point is my friend Evan, who is incredibly sociable and can make pretty much anyone like him and become friends in a few seconds worth of talking-a trait I dearly wish I had. Evan was almost my saving grace at my high school, someone I could turn to if I needed help, although recalling back I never had too many. Maybe one or two about girls or whatever. Anyway, to cap it off, 9th grade ended with me having a small reputation, and me regretting not getting more involved.

After a great summer, back into school for tenth grade. Things are different though, in new classes, new groups of kids that I had seen but never talked to in 9th grade, and overall new problems. Unfortunately. Things have changed for me, reason why? I crave to be well liked, but have no idea how to accomplish this.

Like I said before, my friend Evan is incredible at making friends and having people like him. He could say anything and it will sound right, do anything and almost always end with it in his favour. Everything seems to go his way. Another friend of mine, Troy, is able to make people laugh with ease. He can easily make a joke and have it be laughed at. He is the clown that everyone wants to hang with. He has people post on his Facebook wall often, he is invited to things outside the school, he is in lots of pictures, whenever he walks into a room everybody wants to walk up and talk to him. He brings smiles to the faces of almost everyone at the school.

Now your probably thinking-these two must get along great! Naturally, they do. Maybe too much. They always sit by each other on the bus, always hang out together, have done things together on weekends and such, etc, etc.

Now to the point where I come in: It's not easy for me to say this, but I crave the power and status that these two have. I so dearly want people to be able to see me, yell my name in enthusiasm, and want to come and talk to me. I want my name to be the one that people associate with making any time not boring. I want to be able to easily create good relationships with almost anyone in the school, and keep them too. Basically, I want to live the life of being liked, not being the one that people can barely talk to, the one that is sometimes used as a joke at the lunch table, the one that is barely noticed unless I speak up.


I have tried acting like Troy and Evan, but as you probably guessed it has failed miserably.

Some things I think I have problems with are:

1. I have trouble being wild or outgoing, if someone initiates a joke with me, like speaking in a certain way or voice, I feel awkward saying it, which I know they can sense.

2. I often times have trouble finding things to have interesting and funny conversations about, whereas both Troy and Evan can easily start anything and have people laughing and giving out their undivided attention.

3. I often times get EXTREMELY jealous/envious when Troy or Evan talk to someone that I know they have recently met this year, and when I try it just falls flat. I think to myself, "Now why can't I do that?". I understand this is probably an issue, so I need advice on how to stop this.

4. Sometimes I think I relate to Troy or Evan too much, such as "What would Troy/Evan do?" or "How would Evan/Troy handle this?" or "What is something funny/witty that Evan or Troy would say?"

5. Whenever I see someone I don't talk too much, or someone who may have a more serious tone, or even a girl who I know has a high social status, I get scared and hesitate to say things, or I will think "Say something funny, say something clever" and ultimately it will not be either.

6. Sometimes I try saying a joke or something funny, and I just hold back, which in turn sounds unconfident and weak.

7. Often times I will just throw something weak out in hopes of making a conversation. Often times it is ended with a one word response, or a weak or unconfident feeling about myself.


It's not like I'm a complete loser, it's that I am very quiet and I think sometimes awkward. I have trouble making conversations, even with my good friends. I have an all right social status, not like I'm the runt of the school or anything, I just seriously crave to be able to solve this problem, and be one of the 'fun' kids. Can anyone please help?

[Homegirl 50]

You need to learn to be comfortable in your own skin, learn to like yourself. That will come in time.
When you focus too much on being like someone else, you completely miss the things about you people like. There is probably more than you realize.
Just relax and be yourself.

[CliffARobinson]

Take a deep breath. Some of what you wish for isn't healthy in the long run. Unfortunately, the trials and tribulations of teens have become more complicated for your generation with the explosion of quasi-celebrities and a focus on wealth and power fostered by media and desire for instant gratification.

Let's look at some positives we can see right off the bat. You write very well. Trust me, for us -- that speaks volumes. You are an intelligent person. I would like you to think about why it is so important for you to walk the halls of your school thinking that everyone "important" thinks you are "epically cool".

If you are truly "epically cool", then you shouldn't have to work at it. You should genuinely be comfortably unique "in your own skin", as Homegirl put it.

My point is to get you thinking about the reason behind this desire.

I can also suggest a book that has been in print for over 80 years, and has been used by millions and millions of adults in their careers and social lives ever since. Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People" will give you practical pointers on putting your best foot forward.

But, I highly suggest you examine the reasons for this desire you describe rather eloquently.

[Fr_Chuck]

You have to be who you are, not be someone else. And guess what, most of those Popular kids are often not in latter years, You see them at high school reunions and they only look back at those high school days, as the best years of their life.

But many can't even remember much about high school and not only look forward to future, but have so many greater things since high school that high school means little.