[Somebody1234]

Hi, I'm kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place. There's a guy at my work who I don't really know all that well. We know each others names and we've had small talk before, but that's about it. And when I say small talk, I mainly mean greetings("hi, how are you?" and such.. ). He works in another department in the building, but comes to my section once in a while to buy food. When you speak with him face to face he seems like a pretty nice guy. I've observed him before, and he seems like a guy who carries himself nicely; he's cute, polite, decent personality, and seems genuinely nice with, well... Everyone. But here's the thing... On numerous occasions, I could almost swear to you and anybody I know, that I've overheard him say something about me that quite frankly, really bothers me. He says to people that he thinks I'm slow. I've heard or 'thought' I've heard him say this more than three times. Problem is; I have no proof, and although I'm 95% sure, it's still not 100%. I really don't want to frame him or anyone, really. But I honestly believe he said what I thought he said. He usually says it in the same room, and he says it loudly. Now, I don't know if he purposely says it loudly in hopes that I do overhear, or if he does it actually thinking I can't hear him. Either way, it hurts me, and I really feel like its not something that's 'just in my head'. I feel like I could put money down that he seriously said that about me. So I'm stuck wondering whether I should ask him to confirm it, or if I should just leave it alone. I really don't want to get HR involved. And I don't want to get this guy fired, or myself fired. He might be saying rude comments about me, but that doesn't necessarily make him a bad person or a bad worker. I just feel like it needs to be brought to his attention that I'm aware, that he hurt my feelings, and that for future notice he shouldn't go around saying things about people, especially when he doesn't really know them. I might act a little goofy, and sometimes ditzy with the customers, and my coworkers, but for him to make a statement like that, I just feel like it was way out of line. I want to keep the peace with everyone, and I don't want him to feel uncomfortable if I ask him, but I would feel more at ease if I knew the truth. Should I go through with this the next time he comes in? What can I do?

[JudyKayTee]

You can't control what other people think or say but I would ask him head on and pointblank along the lines of, "Maybe I misunderstood what you said last Friday (or whatever) but did I overhear you say I am (whatever he said)?" I wouldn't be confrontational but if it bothers you this much, I would ask. I would not bring in supervisors and so forth, wouldn't complicate things.

If he says, yes, he said it, then I'd ask him why? Did you do something that upset him? I'd be calm and find out what's going on.

Maybe he was joking, maybe he was talking about someone else, maybe he's a jerk. I'd find out.

[awesomagic]

JudyKayTee has several good points, and I would give them a try. If I were to add anything it would be this: If you use the direct approach, be sure to do it in private. You're not out to embarrass or humiliate him, and privacy will guarantee that. Phrase everything in the form of a question (like on Jeopardy). "Did I understand you correctly?" "Is that what I heard?" "Do you have a problem with me personally?" - These questions require a response which will give you greater insight to the situation. Get him to talk!

Stay non-threatening, objective, and patient, but remember to take care of yourself too. You said that you don't want to make him uncomfortable. What about you? I appreciate your non-confrontational attitude, as it speaks well of you. But, you should also see to your own well-being.