[Dazza0707]

Hey. Let me start by saying that I'm new to these kind of sites, and I've been searching through these a lot recently. I'm 22. I was with my girlfriend for just under 2 and a half years. She is 21. Things were going great. We had been abroad together twice and we got on great with each others friends and families. I didn't expect much when we first started going out because I had been hurt before, but it turned into real love. I mean I we would spend a lot of weekends together and just hang out. We were best friends too. I was so happy and I knew she was too.

Then all of a sudden she seemed to be acting distant and a bit strange. This was only about a month ago now and I had just lost my grandmother to cancer to my emotions were all over the place. She said she wanted a break and see how no contact went for a while. I was fine because I honestly thought that it would all blow over. She phoned me on Christmas Day to thank me for her presents and we had a bit of a chat. The main difference was that we didn't say "I love you" before we hung up the phone. Then just before New Year she sent me a text and it said "We need to talk". Having never had that before, I still knew exactly what it meant. So I tried to brace myself and met her at work on our lunch break the following day.

She told me that she felt she needed time to be by herself and that she wasn't ready for a committed relationship. She told me that she didn't want to lose me from her life and that I was still her best friend. She had been with a few guys not long after the other since she was 16 and her relationship with her first boyfriend ended badly. I could understand what she meant and I was hurt, but numb with that shock of it all.

At first I didn't text or look on her Facebook page or anything like that. Then one weekend I went on Facebook and saw photos of her on a night out. I have never had any reason not to trust her and for some reason there was a photo of her and this guy she knew through a friend and I felt so jealous. Jealous because he was out having fun with her and I wasn't. I know all about "what not to do" to have the best chance to win back your girlfriend, but I know I have broken a few of those "rules" and I'm really trying not to do that again. I mean I got in touch on Facebook a few times and I ended up talking about how I'd wait for her and it only made her feel worse and I kept telling things that she already knew like "I miss you". I would be fine and then do it again a few days later.

I saw her out the other night with friends and I was out with mine and we had a small chat. I saw her look over a few times and then she was talking to her friends and some other guys. Strangely that didn't bother me as much as I thought it would. The next however I got in touch and asked if she had a good night. I regretted it straight away. We were talking OK and than I mad a joke about how I didn't mean to cramp her style by talking to her. Her exact words were "For God's sake, stop it". After that I tried to rescue the conversation and it worked a little but before I left, I said for her to think of the things that make you happy if you ever feel down (because her dad hasn't been very well), and she said she hasn't been feeling down. That hurt almost as bad as when she told me that she still loves me but as a friend. I don't know what to make of that.

I know that the breakup was down to the fact that she wanted to be alone and not feel "pinned" down at 21 so I don't really worry about her getting into another relationship because I don't think that would happen. She may just flirt with some guys. She still has all of our photos together on holiday and things on Facebook and is still friendly with me, but at the moment, we don't talk like good friends. I know it'll take time for that to happen and I hope it does so we can hopefully move forward from there. She has told me to stop thinking so much about things and don't read too much into things like when she chats to me and I'm not as bad as I was. I guess now I'm trying to be happy and go out and do things too but at the back of mind there's a strong hope that we will get back together in time. I've told myself to leave her be for a while and give her the space she asked for. I know not to break any of the breakup "rules" anymore.

I know that this question is so long, but I felt I needed to explain things as clearly as I could. So I guess my question is, is it realistic to think that once my ex girlfriend has gone out as much as she is and gets it all out of her system, will she realize in good time that she has lost such a meaningful relationship in her life and want to get back together some day even after me harassing her a bit too much.
Many thanks :)

[talaniman]

Its more realistic to think you will BOTH have a few more great meaningful relationships with others in the future. Even some not so meaningful ones too. Sorry guy, I know your break up sucked, and you have yet to get over it sufficiently. You will in time, and will enjoy exploring your oprions, and opportunities for love and romance, just a s she will.

Sometimes they miss you and comeback, but most times they don't. Leave her alone for a while, and see. But that's where the number one break up rule comes in handy, NO CONTACT.

[mmresd]

Maybe who knows, but I wouldn't wait around. A break up is a break up, start moving on with your life.

[AuraCV]

If someone wants to walk out of your life, let them go OK. They will realise what they lost in the end... In the meantime we have to get on with our lives. I'm going through the same thing.. Its hard but they do come back eventually, but by then it's always too late. They come back when we have emotionally left them and or we are with other people that love us... You must get on with you... They will see what they lost in the end...

[Dazza0707]

I just thought I'd say that it has been two months since my breakup, and I've started to focus on myself now. I have finally realised that I need to get on with my life and not worry about what my ex is doing. Although I didn't strictly follow no contact, I will now because something just triggered in my head that its not healthy for me to wait around for her. I still love my ex and have strong feelings for her (and a part of me probably always will), but I will do things for myself and she'll see what she has lost in the end. All the breakup rules that I'll be strictly following from now on will be for me and not for the purpose of getting back together. We never know what the future holds, but I know that one day she'll miss what we had as I have and I might hear from her but I'm not waiting on it. Sometimes life will throw these tough times at us and we wonder why, but we never know what the future will hold and there is someone for everyone.

[talaniman]

You got it! I often say how grateful I am to the exes that dumped me because it made me better and fully ready for the soul mate I married and live very well with now. Hurt at the time, but turned into a blessing in disguise.