[RedGhost89]

I'm still sort of new to dating and am a little unsure about this situation I am in. I have been seeing this girl for about a month now and things were going super well, I met her parents, she has met mine. Then school started up again and she has recently come off birth control. All of a sudden she started being a little distant and she has now canceled on me on two occasions in the last week and just last weekend she was staying over my apartment and she had to go home because she felt a little uncomfortable. I believe she was on the pill for about a year or so and I know suddenly stopping with that can throw a woman's hormones out of whack. She has even told me her body has been out of whack and she can't get her mind right. I've been doing my best to give her space and comfort her but the more I try the more I notice she pulls away. My question is what to do I do in this situation? I like this girl and would like to see where this "relationship" could lead us. Aside from obviously getting done with what I need too, what should I do?

[lbrocker]

I say you tell her straight up, ask her how's she feeling.. if she really trusts you and the relationship, I'm SURE she'll tell you how she feels, maybe she's just going through some personal issues that she hasn't told anyone about, it could definitely be related to coming off the pills, but if she's your girlfriend, go and ask her what's up, make sure she's telling the truth cause girls WILL try and hide unless they know you really want to listen to what's going on with them
Hope that helps!

[RedGhost89]

All right so I guess I'll start from the beginning. I met this girl in late November and we started talking and everything started great. We went on our first date December 22 and we spent about 12 hours together the first day, it was pretty amazing. The next few dates we went on over winter break was the same story, anywhere from 9-12 hours hanging out. Things were moving along pretty quick and we were hitting it off very well. We both are very compatible, both have similar sense of humors and share a lot of the same interests. We actually had sex a few times as well and it was pretty damn good lol. We also did a few sleepovers over one anothers apartment. Suffice to say everything seemed to be going amazing. By the way we are both in college, I'm 22 and she is 20.
Then school started again on January 7 and she immediately started to back off which is understandable, priorities come first. But I started getting a little anxious and I started to almost cling to her, but not become overbearing or anything though. As the last few weeks have gone by she has become even more increasingly distant. Lately, she has become short with me through texting and just this weekend on I think 2 or 3 occasions hasn't even responded to me.
We actually had a conversation last Thursday where she basically said she wants no commitment right now and she can't handle it emotionally, she also talked about her ex boyfriend which they had broken up only a month and a half before we started talking (I knew this and they had dated on and off for about a year and a half). I told her that I respect her feelings 100% and I would like to continue to see her and see what happens. She agreed to this which was awesome. Although like I said this past weekend she was really distant. The bad part is that when she gets more distant I get more clingy, its almost like I have separation anxiety. Even her friends have said to me to take it slow and don't overthink things, but I end up doing the opposite and I don't know why. Its like I'm shooting myself in the foot. I will be the first to admit that I am not going about this the right way and I am overthinking and yes I have been clingy.
I honestly really like this girl and would like to see this go somewhere because this is the first girl I've met where I can actually be myself. I text her last night asking when the last text she got from was and got no response (I know stupid, just checking on her). Several of my friends have told me to not contact her and wait for her to contact me, which I plan on doing as of right now, I believe we are still on valentines day but I am a little unsure of plans. So what should I do here?

[kaylaluv]

Definitely don't want to be clingy in a situation like this. If she's saying she isn't looking for a relationship right now then you don't want to be all over her making yourself look like you want to marry her. You want to be there for her but you can't be there all the time. Saying your respecting her 100% was the way to go. I'd act like friends for now, hang out casually if you miss her but don't try to get with her or anything until she's sure you're what she wants. Try to control your anxiety if that's making you clingy, assure yourself that you're not going to lose her unless you chase her off, worst thing that can happen is that you guys just stay friends. For her being distant than maybe she's confused. She may be thinking of her ex, someone else, or if she's ready to take on someone else(you). Not sure what else to say for this. Hope this was of some help.

[I wish]

I don't think it hurts to invite her out for dinner on Valentine's Day. It will be up to her on whether she wants to show up.

Sounds like she needs a little space and it's best for you to give it to her. Show her that you respect her space. She doesn't need checking up on, she's a big girl. She will find you when the time comes. Until then, it's easier said than done, but it's best to distract yourself as much as possible.

She already knows how you feel, so you don't need to push it onto her more. Be patient and respecting her space is another way of showing the girl that you care about her.

[RedGhost89]

Ya I totally agree with you, its kind of a crummy situation because I want to be with her. I was going to wait for the weekend to text her and see what was going on and depending on whatever answer from her, see what happens. I think the best thing for sure is to distance myself for now and give her some breathing room. I mean I don't think she is just going to forget about me that quick, you know?

[I wish]

Sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder. Give her some time to think about you and to miss you. We have no idea what's going to happen, it's also possible that she could drift further away from you.

For now, respect her wishes of wanting space. While you wait, focus on making yourself a better person. Keep doing things for yourself and when she comes to find you, she will have a few surprises waiting for her right?

[RedGhost89]

You I hear what's you're saying but let me ask you, what do you think is I guess you could say, a good amount of time to give her space? I was thinking till the weekend.

I should also mention that the last time I spoke to her was on Sunday night when I asked what the last text she received from me was, I had sent her a text earlier saying I was going to visit her at work and get a work out in (she works at the school gym) and she didn't even acknowledge that, kind of bugged me. She said congrats on the giants winning the super bowl later in the night and then I mentioned that our phones never get each others texts (this has been happening since day 1) then I said to her if I could call her (no response) and I went to call her a few minutes later and her phone was shut off, this was I think at 11:30 at night, right after she gets off work. I thought that was odd and I guess I took the hint to finally back off.

[I wish]

I suggest that you don't look for her utnil she looks for you first. Anything you do will seem pushy at this point because it's obvious that she's trying to ignore you. So don't force the issue.

Give up when your heart gives up on her. As long as you still have feelings for her, you will continue to naturally wait for her anyway.

[RedGhost89]

You I think I'm going to stick to my plan this weekend and see where it takes me, I'm going to be real casual about it and we'll see what happens

[talaniman]

I have to tell you guy that I think it's a big mistake to pursue a female so fresh from a break up, and who has told you she doesn't want a relationship. The whole problem is a couple of months doesn't make a relationship, and given her distance, even after a few good dates, I don't think she is as into you as you want, and worse, you want her a lot more than she does you.

Adjust your thinking here and give her a month instead of a week, because the heart you save may be your own, and you are already in this to deep. I think maybe you will be disappointed needlessly when you find out you are in the friend zone, and she is dating others, as friends. This usually happens after a break up (hers), and the need to explore a lot of options and not just rebound into someone else right now.

When some one says they are not ready for a relationship, BELIEVE them, and don't keep going even deeper because of YOUR feelings. She obviously doesn't share them. Back way up, and don't let false hope she will change her mind fool you.

Just me, I would be having a great social life without her to keep me from getting carried away so fast with this stranger. If you really want to see how things go, give her some healing time, and sometimes that could be many months. No telling.

[RedGhost89]

Ya what you say makes absolute sense and I know you're correct. But I have to admit that I am afraid and I don't know why, I guess because I don't want to lose that good feeling of having someone give me positive energy like this. I've had quite a few friends and family tell me to not even contact her until she makes the first contact, even if it means not going out on valentines day. I know that's the right thing but its so hard. I just met someone by chance and really was gravitated towards her, I guess I went too fast. If that's the worst thing I've done then I think I'll be just fine. And the thing is, the worst thing I have done here is be clingy and you I was in it more than her and went a little fast, but other than that she always complimented me on my great date ideas and how much fun we have when we hang out. Not to mention compared to her ex, she called me "Mr. Amazing". She may not be ready emotionally but she is a great human being and has a great heart, she is guilty of doing what's best for her. I respect that. Something may not happen now, but I actually think there is a chance down the line. All I have to do is keep my distance (and no I'm not waiting around for her, I'm living my life).