Check out some similar questions!

mrskc · Jan 23, 2012, 01:58 PM

My son of 18 left home a week before Christmas on bad terms. I haven't heard from him since. He totally disowned his family and things got really bad.

It came to blows when my partner, who I've been with a year, confronted him and told him to show me some respect. He had been angry for a long time and always thought he was head of the house and got to a stage where he was controlling me.

He used to be horrible to his younger brothers and sister and used to talk down to me. How can someone who you love so much totally change and cut off their whole family?

I just want my son back !

Fr_Chuck · Jan 23, 2012, 02:07 PM

You will have to wait, Obviously he thought or was allowed to think as a child he was the boss of the house,

He came to physical blows with your partner? ( same sex? Or is it a new boyfriend)

He was controlling you, sounds like you were in fear at times

Horrible to brothers and sisters.

You are not gong to get the same loving small child from years ago. You are going to have to let him find his self and want to come back or have relationship with you.

mrskc · Jan 23, 2012, 02:22 PM

This started years ago after I left his father who was violent towards me. I moved away and started a new life, and have never looked back.

For the last ten years, my oldest son was very angry. He is from a very loved and large family. The last year I have been with a new partner who at first bit his tongue when my son was rude and totally disrespected me.

My son squared up to my partner and it ended up with my new partner having him against the wall. This was in June. Then after this happened, my son totally cut himself off from the whole family. I tried to make things right but he treated me like dirt.

Then a week before Christmas, on my daughters birthday, with the whole family around the house, he totally ignored everyone when they said goodbye to him as he was going out. My partner went after him and told him to show some respect.

Words were exchanged and my son rang the police. The police visited the house and went back to where my son was and told him that it was best if he moved out and sorted himself out. He turned up the following morning collected his stuff and I haven't heard from him since.

He changed his mobile number. I've wrote a letter to him saying how much he is loved and posted it to his bosses door, but no response back.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 23, 2012, 02:26 PM

So yes, it does sounds it is best that he leaves home for now and finds his self.

CliffARobinson · Jan 23, 2012, 02:39 PM

I am sorry for your loss. That is what this ends up feeling like. A loss, and you will go through the same feelings as if he had passed away.

Being estranged by adult children is a common and very painful experience shared by many, many parents around the world. The problem is, you cannot do anything. He is an adult. You need to leave him be and hope that he matures enough to re-enter your life and build an adult relationship with you.

Unfortunately, there are no guarantees, but you cannot lose yourself to the loss. As hard as it is, you need to get on with your life and hope that he can return to your life in some way when he is better able to respect you.

mrskc · Jan 23, 2012, 02:48 PM

I just hurt and you go through all the motions :-(

CliffARobinson · Jan 23, 2012, 03:02 PM

I know. It hurts almost worse than if he had passed away, because there is finality to that. There is no finality to an estranged adult child. There is always that "what if". "What if I did something different"; "What if it's my fault"; "There must be something I can do"; "What if they come back to me".

You are not alone. There are actually support groups on the internet for parents of estranged adult children, and of course, there is always psychotherapy to help.