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ashoaib · Jan 21, 2012, 01:49 AM

I love my wife a lot

There is another women she interfere in our life and its true I involve with her but not physically just chat with her I explain every thing to my wife but I lost my trust
My wife still think I love another women but truth is I love only my wife she forgive but not from heart I want my wife back I don't imagine my live without my wife
So how can I explain to my wife I am not bad she is not trust on me any more
Please advice

talaniman · Jan 21, 2012, 09:56 AM

Stop letting the other female interfere in your marriage. What ever that takes. Your wife is insecure, and you must reassure, not just with words, but actions.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 21, 2012, 01:07 PM

Don't talk ever again to this other women, show your wife you are really sorry by your actions of leaving this women alone

ashoaib · Jan 22, 2012, 07:39 AM

How??
I don't talk that women again since last 1 year but some time my wife forget every thing but when she become angry she start again I really love my wife and I don't want hurt my wife again I really want she will came back I am really sorry for all that plzzzzz help

Cat1864 · Jan 24, 2012, 03:06 PM

If this happened a year ago and you have not given her any other cause to be concerned, then she needs to give herself permission to trust you again.

If she is still with you and attempting to build a future with you, then she (perhaps you too) need to learn how to fight fairly. It is not fair to the other person to bring up past wrong-doings that have supposedly been forgiven every time there is a disagreement. It is also not fair to the other person to keep a list of grievances to use as ammunition in a fight. A disagreement should be about current issues. Past ones should be dealt with instead of stored for future fights.

If you can't sit down and talk about the issues in your marriage and work through them on your own, would marriage counseling be a way for you to learn trust and communication skills? Counseling isn't about who is right or wrong, but about developing ways to work together.

She will probably never 'forget', but she can and should be working on forgiving and allowing the trust to regrow.

One thing you will need to accept is that your marriage will never be the same as it was. However, if you work together, it can be stronger.

talaniman · Jan 24, 2012, 03:55 PM

What started the argument? This latest one, because I suspect she just threw the last bit in to give her an advantage. Where did she go.

ashoaib · Jan 25, 2012, 01:16 AM

Please advice how can I fix this mistake & keep my marriage on track

talaniman · Jan 25, 2012, 05:59 AM

What started the latest argument?? Where did she go?

ashoaib · Jan 25, 2012, 07:16 AM

She is @ her parents home

Cat1864 · Jan 25, 2012, 07:39 AM

Why is she at her parent's home?

How long has she been gone?

JudyKayTee · Jan 25, 2012, 07:47 AM

You EARN trust. It's not just given to you. You hurt your wife by your actions. It is HER decision whether to forgive and move on or not. Should she forgive you? I don't know. Does she have to? No.

I think emotional cheating is every bit as harmful as physical cheating. You were "sharing" with this other woman with no thought about your wife.

If this is the only problem in your marriage I'd say your wife is over reacting - but I'm not sure that a non-physical connection over a year ago is reason to move out now.

Jake2008 · Jan 25, 2012, 08:29 AM

I agree with Judy. If she retaliates during an argument with the same old reason, in order to win an argument, my opinion is there are far more arguments going on, without resolve, that have nothing to do with what happened a year ago.

It doesn't sound like either of you argue very well. That arguments result in her moving out, means that you are both not getting anywhere when differences are causing huge rifts, instead of making your relationship stronger, had you worked them through.

And, as had been said, we are not born with the ability to read eachother's minds. You are reacting to what she is saying, and she is not effectively saying what the problem is, without pulling up a past 'reason' for her anger.

You are stuck on thinking that that event over a year ago, that for you, was long ago resolved, is the reason why things are so bad between you.

Get into counselling!! Learn how to both listen, and communicate, effectively, so you can get to the real reasons you are in this spot now.

It most likely has nothing to do with an 'already resolved' issue.

ashoaib · Jan 25, 2012, 10:21 PM

She has her parents place since last 3 months
I lost my job my wife emotionally support me after this incident she is very nice to me in any manner (physically) but when she become angry she start again that the issue now she is angry @ me so that why she is @ her parents home
She forgive me but she still not forget
So I just asked to all of you please advice how can I say her please come back and how can I show I really only love my wife

talaniman · Jan 25, 2012, 10:34 PM

I think the deal from a year ago with the female is the least of your worries, if you have been out of a job for 3 months. I imagine your household is being stressed for a while now with MANY issues that unemployment, and financial stress brings. Are there kids involved? I mean how do you support the basics in a household?

Without further details I can only guess that your life in in disarray, and she won't come back until it is put back in order. After 3 months, you must not have made enough progress.

ashoaib · Jan 26, 2012, 07:30 AM

We don't have kids yet
I also get job but the salary is not up to the mark as before
I am trying my level best but I want to ask how can I agree her that she will trust on me again

JudyKayTee · Jan 26, 2012, 07:32 AM

Did you read what I posted? If you want her back AND if the issue is about your emotional affair you need to PROVE to her that you have changed. That will not happen overnight.

I think she's entitled to be angry with you. I'd be angry, too. Will she forgive and forget? Maybe... or maybe not. There is no way you can force that issue and the more pressue you put on her the more likely she is to stay at her parents' house. Leave her alone and PROVE you've changed by the way you act.

As I said in the very beginning, I don't think the cheating is the only issue in your marriage.

You can't make someone love you and you can't make someone forgive you. It's as simple as that.

Spend the time apart working on yourself - and that very well may involve counselling.

talaniman · Jan 26, 2012, 08:03 AM

I know you love the girl and want her back, but protect yourself, and ignore her and leave her alone to decide for herself if she wants you back or not. She seems to have many issues, and as I see it, from what you wrote, you have tried to be as good as you can, but we all make mistakes.

If she is unwilling to talk to you, or work with you, leave her alone, and stop begging and trying to get her back. I think this is more about the job you lost, and the new one you have that's not as good, and the talk of the other female is but an excuse she uses to justify leaving you.

When was the last time you talked? Of what nationality are you as the best I can do is advise legal remedies to protect yourself, as you continue to rebuild your life.

ashoaib · Jan 26, 2012, 10:48 AM

Today I talk to her she is nicely talk to me
And we are from Pakistan (country in asia)

talaniman · Jan 26, 2012, 12:51 PM

This is not about talking to another female, not entirely, its about handling financial stresses that you have been going through. Its about restoring confidence and security to her. Losing your job was not YOUR fault, or in your control. You did get another one with less pay and less security, and can make things better later.

I know your love is great, but you cannot have a partner that leaves you when the times get tough, even though she stayed while you were down. Yes talk nicely to each other, but also establish that she has to be in it to win it, when its good, or bad, or what's the point in being married. You can do this in a calm polite way, because she should already know you will do your best.

When your best is not good enough, then its you that have to make a decision if this is even fair, or worth it. Sorry guy, but I think blunt honesty on your part, will at least gain you some level of respect, even if it angers her even more, in the short term, as you try to put your own life in order, so stop taking ALL the blame for her actions. Your guilt clouds your judgement greatly. Get rid of it, and take the lead with confidence. DO NOT be lead by her actions, but step forward with your own.

If she chooses not to follow, well that's something to find out. Does she work? Is she qualified for work? If there are no children, what stops her from doing her part, or is the issue that she earns more than you?

These are important things to consider. Am I wrong to think she is a petulant spoiled child who needs to grow up? How old are you both??

ashoaib · Jan 29, 2012, 09:34 PM

First of all I know she is angry with me and I realize when she short temper with me I always reply her in politely way
I am 28 year old and she is 26 and we celebrate our 4th anniversary in April 2012
I don't want to lose her I am trying hard to win my confidence in her eyes but once I try she fall me down again and again
She is working she is teacher in school