[Kia_Garcia]

I'm in a no win situation. I've been living with my boyfriend for going on 7 yrs. At this point it's purely for shelter as I have little to no family and no friends because of the isolation this man has helped me into.
I know there are no chains binding me here and I am somewhat of an intelligent person, but through the years of abuse some physical mostly mental, I've become a whole different person and I'm not sure I can stand on my own.
My partner has major contol issues and has done sort of a brainwash technique on me to where most times I doubt myself and any choices or decisions about my life I try to make. As for self esteem I have none and it makes interacting with others a nightmare. So of course I become an even bigger embarrassment to him than usual. :(
Honestly I'm not even sure he is aware he does these things and discussing things with him becomes endless one sided arguing. I guess my question is not so much advice on our relationship (I'm aware of it's potential for disaster) but more what advice can you give me to getting on my way to a healthier more productive less life destructing life. Please don't just say "leave", its not that easy. I know nothing good comes easy.

[kcomissiong]

But, it is that easy. When you decide that it has to stop, you will leave. If all he is providing is shelter, a womens' shelter can do that. If you need support, there are community resources available to help abused women. They can help you find somewhere to temporarily live, find a job if you need one, find a permanent home, get you into counseling, etc. There is somewhere available to run to if you decide to leave. You just need to find out what resources are available where you live. You don't have to handle leaving alone, and no one is asking you to, but you do have to take the initiative to get out of the situation.

[awesomagic]

You're right. It's not that easy. If it were that simple half of the worlds problems would be solved. But fear not. Help is on the way!

What does it take to be independent? Money. Go get a job... any job. Don't ask his opinion. He's not your husband, he's your boyfriend. You don't need his permission to do anything. Expect him to get mad. But that's cool because he's not likely to do anything to you. If he hits you, he goes to jail. If he throws you out of the house, then he won't have anyone to push around. He's not going to like either one of those senerios. That puts you in charge. Feels good, doesn't it?

Like kcomissiong said, there are a multitude of resources at your disposal. Don't you go through life in misery one more second. Say to yourself, "I can do ANYTHING". Go on, say it - out loud - twice! Take that attitude with you when you step up. If you want friends then go get friends. It's none of his business anyway (he isn't your husband). If he hits you, if he pushes you, if he brushes up against you accidentally, JAIL! If he kicks you out, FREEDOM! Remember, you're in charge now.

Now, I'm not suggesting that you start a fight with him, or even an argument. If he's mean enough he could hurt you badly, so use your common sense. Don't start anything, but don't back down either. You can do this. Take your life back... not tomorrow, not after coffee, NOW! Go do what you got to do.

[Camd2011]

I was exactly where you are now five years ago with four children I made up my mind to put an end to the marriage of fourteen years after making all the excuses in the world for such a long time. I had nothing no money, assets , nothing I spoke to a lawyer through citizens advice and it took seven months to get him out of the house . It was a long hard emotional journey and to this day it is still difficult sometimes x but do you know what? Life is great I am free emotionally and mentally... I have peace in my home I am regaining my confidence and strength every day.. But the best thing of all is I am getting to know myself again and the woman I have become... You can do it to for you and your children and they will thank you for it in the future.. What's happening is not your fault he is doing it to make himself feel better mental abuse is one of the worst abuse you can suffer please contact women's welfare groups in a town near to you and make small steps from there and u will be amazed at the confidence you will feel each day x

[Kia_Garcia]

Thank you everyone. I feel better just knowing someone cares. I'm ready to step up.