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trishafd · Jan 16, 2012, 10:14 AM

I'm newly married... its an arranged marriage... its been 1 month I got married.. my husband just treats me like a sex object... he is fine with me at ni8... bt in the morning he is like "ok you have uour own life and i'l have mine".he tld me not to expect nything from him in future.. I'm unable to get him.he gives me freedom but.. :(

joypulv · Jan 16, 2012, 10:29 AM

Were you going to write something after 'I'm unable to get him... '?

I'm in the US where arranged marriages are extremely rare. All I can suggest is that you develop a daily life outside of the home as soon as possible, before you start having children. Time with women friends, a course at a university, a part time job, volunteering. It also helps provide things to talk about other than cooking and cleaning. It makes you more interesting, and when the sex becomes less exciting for him, which it often does, then it's important to be able to move to a new stage, even if there are babies to keep you busy. And when the children are in school and then older, it's something to fall back on. Maybe you could do research on how arranged marriages are doing in the modern world, and how many there are compared with even 20 or 30 years ago, and write some articles for a paper, or take sociology courses on the subject.
If the relationship is not tolerable of course it's easy for me to say get away and file for divorce, but I don't know what your religious or family pressures are. Do you want to talk about that?

trishafd · Jan 16, 2012, 11:02 AM

I want to stick to this relationship.nd even my family doesn't allow me to get a divorse... I want to make my relationship better... bt I'm unable to anyhting... basically he is good... but very selfish.. he wants to be happy.. dats it... he did'mt even ask me about honeymoon.. nt even we discussed about it.. he is tooo much practical with no emotions... nd he says he doesn't have ny feelings likes loving someone or missing someone.. does people like this exist? Or is he lying?

joypulv · Jan 16, 2012, 02:13 PM

I don't think he's lying. People are very different when it comes to both feeling love and expressing love. You may have to build the marriage on mutual respect for now, and love that comes with time may follow over the years: admiration, care, concern, appreciation, enjoyment, interest - all those are elements of love. Romantic love fades anyway, so the other kinds are what count. Even 'like' can be a good basis for a marriage. Was there no honeymoon because he works a lot? Is all his dedication directed to making a living? That's a kind of caring, in a way. If you do want to make the marriage work, concentrate on the mutual respect and admiration. And... get out of the house to have a well rounded life.

Wondergirl · Jan 16, 2012, 02:27 PM

How did you families decide this would be a good marriage? Is he headed for a promising career with money or fame or a good reputation?

Ask him what would make him happy. And I agree that you must make a good and happy life for yourself in various ways and not depend on him for your happiness.

micky123456 · Jan 17, 2012, 08:38 AM

Give this relationship time, its not that you would understand the kind of person he is within a month or two, give it at least 6 months, sit him down and explain that you are a human too with your own wants and needs and you need him to look out for you and you need to be partners in what ever you do. Divorce is the very last option, if it does come down to that, make sure that you are financially independent and can live on your own. Best of Luck..