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HerbieGirl · Jan 16, 2012, 09:54 AM

I have this friend that I have known for a long time, and I have on-again off-again liked him for about six months. Two weeks ago, we had the opportunity to hang out a ton (and flirt up a storm). I lost sleep thinking about being in a relationship with him. Then he asks me out last Friday. In my opinion, we talked about too deep of things, and he talked about a future together, and he seemed to constantly want to hold my hand, hug me, or touch me in some way.

I agreed to date number 2 tomorrow, but basically my interest in him has gone out the window, and has been replaced by fear: fear of hurting him and causing a rift in our mutual friends, or the fear of going along with it and being unhappy.

I have never been in a relationship, though I have been on several dates, and been asked several times to be in a relationship... I always said no. This guy doesn't really have anything wrong with him, whereas the other ones had red flags.

My question is this: Is this me or him, is this normal, and whether I try to grin and bear it, is there hope for me really falling for someone (him or otherwise) in the future?

Fr_Chuck · Jan 16, 2012, 11:17 AM

Anytime a relationship goes from friends, to one wanting more, it will normally either go to more or it will end. That is the risk that happens. But the one who wants more will almost never be happy with just friends always longing for more anyway.

And yes, most likely the relationship will move on to more, or the friendship will slowly loose its closeness.

He on the other had has gotten too obsessed, he is talking long term and you have not done a second date yet.

You both can date, there I no need to plans for long term, there is no need for a "relationship" esp before a second date. Date, date for some weeks and moths, then discuss a relationship.

foxrider7 · Feb 5, 2012, 12:13 AM

I think you should just see where things go. At this point you are just afraid of losing the friendship but if you guys are mature enough you won't let that happen. If your feelings are off and on for him there must be some feelings there to keep the relationship going but if you totally don't feel happy don't feel pressured to stay in the relationship and just stay friends !