[priom]

I am 25yrs old working woman. I was dating a guy 4 years back and due to his "i don't care attitude" I broke up with him but I still loved him and didn't move on. He went to UK and then came back after 4 yrs and proposed to me again. I said we have already failed once so no need to start over it again. He still convinced me.
My problems with him: we live in same city.
1. He doesn't text me at all or he texts me once or twice in a day that too not regularly.
2. I don't know what he is up to the whole time.
3. I know he is busy in office but still he doesn't call me at all.
4. He lies to me but when I confront him he says he loves me and such lies are not a big issue.
5. I have told him that I am not happy and I want more communication from him and I miss him. I have told him 4-5times by crying and by anger. No change at all. He doesn't even convince me at that point of time and does nothing.he just says that I am pissed and angry and that's why I'm talking like this. He doesn't understand how I feel..
6. If I say I want to break up then he starts shouting at me saying I'm selfish and its always my way.
7. He says he is a face to face person and he doesn't like texting or calling. Unfortunately my office hours are so stringent that I am free only on Sunday and he sleeps all of Sunday. Since we meet just once or twice a month I feel texting and calling is a better way to be in touch. But he doesn't care at all.

I am all in tears everyday and I am caught in this web. He wants to marry me but I don't. I can't live happily with him. He says after marriage this texting and calling issue won't be there. But for me.. when he can't put some efforts now then how will he do it in future... I am damn frustrated.. I keep thinking about him all the time and he shows no sign of existence most of the time.
Please help me.. I don't want to work on this relationship because he is not ready to change his ways. I am totally shattered and I need a break. How do I convince him that I want to break up with him? He gets mad at mme when I say this.. :(

[Fr_Chuck]

What is there to break up from? Just stop any contact with him, don't answer any calls, don't text back, don't send him any message and move on.

Unless you like being treated like a booty call, or a hooker on call , what are you getting out of this

[priom]

Thanks for replying,

I have tried doing all that. But I love him so much that I can't see him get hurt. I want him to explain him and give him reasons I want to break up. :(

[Wondergirl]

From what you wrote, it doesn't sound like he would miss you very much if you weren't in his life any longer. Don't contact him in any way for a week and see what happens. Then report back here so we can assess the situation with you.

[talaniman]

Harshness Warning



This is so hard because you love this fool more than you love yourself.

Here you are hurt, and miserable because he gives you nothing of what you need, yet you are afraid to hurt the one who hurts you. That's insane!

Either you find the courage to protect yourself, or stay drowning in your own shat.

He ain't going to change, you can't change him, and he makes you miserable, so if you are dumb enough to stay with, and marry such a fellow, the misery you get is of your making, not his, because you stay in it.

Get off your pity pot, and the solution is right in front of your face, you just have to take it. Stop falling for his crap, and stand up for yourself, and be done with this whole situation. You can do better if you want to.

Sorry to be so harsh, but its seems like you are following his program like a big old wimp, that lets him do whatever he wants no matter how it hurts YOU!!

He does what he does because you allow it, and it seems your temper, anger, and feelings are but a joke he brushes aside as insignificant. You do this in the name of love? That's not love, not a healthy one at least.

[priom]

Thanks for replying...

I have tried not being in touch several time. He would turn up after a week or2 and ask wats wrong. I would say I'm not happy and he doesn't spend time with me. He says its just for now.. after marriage we won't have to live in different homes. We will live together so we can spend more time. Somehow he convinces me. But I am not happy being without in contact.. he thinks I say all this because I'm pissed off. He doesn't understand he is being a jerk over here! Not willing to take time for me.. I just end up with tears all the time.. I know I don't have the courage. I have tried breaking up several times.he bashes me saying its always what I want and I don't love him enough that's why I am leaving him.. he somehow convinces me.. but I don't want this anymore...

[talaniman]

Until you find the courage to say LEAVE ME ALONE, and ignore the jerk, then the misery continues.

It should not matter what he thinks, does, or says after that. Not one bit!

[Wondergirl]

It will not change and improve after you are married. It will get worse.

Only you can improve your life and make yourself happy. He is not part of that happiness.

Have No Contact with him. Do not text or telephone or talk in person or send a note to him. If he speaks with you, move away and do not say anything.