[Shell88]

I have been in secret relationship for five years now I am 23 years old and the male is twice my age. The reason we are dating secretly is he is a family friend and no one will understand what we have got as it all started me chasing him as someone to escape to.

I know the male I am dating will never marry me or have children with me and this is what I want but I can't end it as when I am in his arms I feel so at peace and comfortable I don't get this feeling with no one else, yes I have cheated on him several times in our time together and he knows this as I told him. The reason I cheated is sometimes I feel he uses me for sex as he never takes me out for a meal or act like a couple openly

[smoothy]

You simply have to show some maturity and walk away. If you don't have the spine to do that... you have to put up with it until he tires of you and does it under HIS terms at his time of choice.

If you present yourself as a booty call, and make yourself available as a booty call, I'm not surprised he uses you as a booty call.

Sure YOU feel something more... but he obviously doesn't. There are plenty of other guys out there, single and available that want more in a relationship than he does. But you won't find any of them until you move on.

[Shell88]

He does it at his time of choice its up to him when I go round to his, but I isn't a booty call as last night I did not do what he wanted as was not in the mood.

How do you be mature and walk away

[smoothy]

That's simple... you already recognise the relationship for what it is... a glorified booty call... when its convenient.

And what I mean by mature... we as adults do things we don't like all the time... because they have to be done... when we were kids we avoided it and refused unless we were forced to for the most part.

I'm not going to sugar coat it and say its not going to hurt... because it will, just like any other relationship would.

But it has to be done... and like we say... it builds character. And we all have to make mistakes from time to time before we learn to recognise them before we make them again the next time.

And its not always the guy that's the bad guy... there are plenty of women that do the same thing... a reversal of your situation. Experienced that myself in the past.

[Shell88]

Yeah but this fella is my first love and the main support I have in my life..

He has already said if I leave him, he will be deeply hurt and not get over it is this just a guilt trip...

The problem is we booked a holiday alrady so that be another booty call as I can't say no.

[JudyKayTee]

My concern is that you say every answer given to you is impossible for one reason or another.

So stay in the relationship and be unhappy. When you are ready to listen to and consider options, then you can re-open the thread.

Otherwise I think advice is a waste of time.

[smoothy]

Yeah but this fella is my first love and the main support i have in my life..

He has already said if i leave him, he will be deeply hurt and not get over it is this just a guilt trip .........

the problem is we booked a holiday alrady so that be another booty call as i can't say no.

Really... then you don't have a clue about how this all makes you look. Seriously, you have ZERO references to see how you are being taken for a ride.

But then that holiday is worth selling yourself for...

And screw what he thinks anyway... unless you like being played.


I recommend you start charging him, $300 an hour. That's the going rate. He's been getting off easy getting it for free.

He is basically treating you like an escort. And you let him.

[JudyKayTee]

He is basically treating you like an escort. And you let him.

AND argue on his behalf!