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Mercedez13Diaz · Jan 7, 2012, 08:35 AM

I am 13 and I live with my dad which I do not like at all! I've tried running away with my mom and the cops came saying if I didn't go with my dad my mom can be thrown in Jail... So of course I when t with my dad! The reasons I want to live with my mom is because well my mom has a bad heart and she is having surgrey on it pretty soon and she can posibly die from this and my brother and sisters live with my mombecause we have difrent dads and they can't find there dad! My question is... Do I get to choose who I want to live with or is there other surcome stands that are added like who has the best way of getting my education. The reason why I ask this is cause my mom is strugling and they don't always gt he best of what they could but I want to move with them because I feel like a family and with my dad I feel missedplaced and I think don't want me! Please help me... Thank you!

Kahani Punjab · Jan 7, 2012, 08:36 AM

Mercedez13Diaz,

Firstly, welcome to this great site!

I do not know which country you are from, and what are the legal rules out, in your country. But, if you were in India, it is your choice, if you are more than 18, i.e. if you are an adult. Now, still, when your preference is to be with your mother, you are free to be with your mother, and can leave your father, if you wish, if you are in India. About being in some other country, only some legal expert in family matters of your country can reveal the facts.

JudyKayTee · Jan 7, 2012, 08:52 AM

Where are you and is custody Court ordered? If the Police took you back to your Dad's I would assume it is.

Schoolmarm97 · Jan 8, 2012, 10:27 AM

Mercedez, in the state where I live, you get the right to go before a judge and make that decision when you turn 14. You can check online to find out what the law is in your state. Now, that doesn't mean that the judge will agree. Yes, he will take into consideration who can provide best for you. If your mom is struggling financially, that will not be much of a selling point for your moving in with her. How will she support another person if she's having trouble supporting herself and the kids already living with her? And do you really want to put that burden on her? Your mom's illness might be sufficient reason for him to want you to stay where you are. What happens if she passes away? What if she has to be hospitalized? You would most likely wind up back with your dad anyway, and the other kids will go into the system. All that upheaval is really unpleasant and scary.

I'm sorry you don't feel at home with your dad. My daughter felt the same way. It would be great if your dad could get family counseling with you to try and figure out a way for you to live there more happily. Sometimes parents are pretty blind and deaf. It helps to have an outsider talk to them. Is there a counselor at your school who you can talk to about this stuff? School personnel have all sorts of agencies and people they can contact to help with odd situations if they know the problem exists.

I hope you can work this all out.

JudyKayTee · Jan 8, 2012, 10:35 AM

Originally Posted by Schoolmarm97

Mercedez, in the state where I live, you get the right to go before a judge and make that decision when you turn 14..

I'm sorry and I realize you are trying to help but this is a legal question and you are incorrect. A child in NJ can attend a Hearing upon a request for custody change by either parent and give an opinion, give testimony, make a statement BUT that child's thinking is a very small part of the Judge's final decision on where the child should reside.

"As a matrimonial lawyer, I often get the question "how old does a child have to be to decide who they get to live with?" There is a perception out there that there is a magic age where a child is empowered to decide which parent they get to live with. This simply is not the case. Rather, a child's preference is only one factor a court must consider when deciding custody. Why is the child's preference not absolutely determinative? Because it is not always reliable and may not be in their best interests. Maybe the child is too young or too immature for their preference to be relied upon alone. Maybe one parent is improperly influencing or pressuring a child to express a preference that is not their true preference. Maybe the child feels bad for and/or feels the need to take care of the parent because of some physical or mental infirmity of the parent or a feeling that the parent is the victim of the other parent. Perhaps the child has been promised something by the other parent or is trying to play one parent against the other. Perhaps the child (maybe a teen) feels that the other parent will give them more freedom." Just Because a Child Says They Want to Live with the Other Parent Does Not Mean that Custody Should be Changed : NJ Family Legal Blog

If I am missing something here - and I am in NY so this is something I have researched for other people in the past and not my personal experience - please post it.

You also don't address child support - the mother would NOT have to "make do" on her current income if the child were to live with her. Child support would undoubtedly be ordered. Enugh to live on? I doubt it.

JudyKayTee · Jan 8, 2012, 10:37 AM

Originally Posted by Kahani Punjab

Mercedez13Diaz,

Firstly, welcome to this great site!

I do not know which country you are from, and what are the legal rules out, in your country. But, if you were in India, it is your choice, if you are more than 18, i.e. if you are an adult. Now, still, when your preference is to be with your mother, you are free to be with your mother, and can leave your father, if you wish, if you are in India. About being in some other country, only some legal expert in family matters of your country can reveal the facts.

It's the age of majority in Canada and US. Is the age of majority in India 18?

Fr_Chuck · Jan 8, 2012, 10:53 AM

Originally Posted by Schoolmarm97

Mercedez, in the state where I live, you get the right to go before a judge and make that decision when you turn 14. You can check online to find out what the law is in your state. Now, that doesn't mean that the judge will agree. Yes, he will take into consideration who can provide best for you. If your mom is struggling financially, that will not be much of a selling point for your moving in with her. How will she support another person if she's having trouble supporting herself and the kids already living with her? And do you really want to put that burden on her? Your mom's illness might be sufficient reason for him to want you to stay where you are. What happens if she passes away? What if she has to be hospitalized? You would most likely wind up back with your dad anyway, and the other kids will go into the system. All that upheaval is really unpleasant and scary.

I'm sorry you don't feel at home with your dad. My daughter felt the same way. It would be great if your dad could get family counseling with you to try and figure out a way for you to live there more happily. Sometimes parents are pretty blind and deaf. It helps to have an outsider talk to them. Is there a counselor at your school who you can talk to about this stuff? School personnel have all sorts of agencies and people they can contact to help with odd situations if they know the problem exists.

I hope you can work this all out.

I know you are trying to make the child feel better, but please don't lie to them or state incorrect facts. In the US there is no state where a child can ever just choose.

Also they don't just go before the judge, the parent ( in this case the mom) would have to file in court for a change in custody.
You are giving some child false hope and ideas that can only cause them more pain with they understand the truth