[Crazygurl123]

The guy I'm with doesn't believe in love.. We haven't been together very long but the more time I spend with him and the closer we get the more I fall for him and I'm scared he won't feel the same way... How can I know for sure?

I'm scared of my feelings! HELP

So here's the deal, I dated this guy for a really long time and I believed that he was the love of my life. He was my best friend and the person I could trust the most. He made me happy in my weakest moments and we went through so much together but then he broke it off... I was devastated and heart broken. I didn't know how to cope but my friends stuck by me and helped me get through that dark time.

Now I'm with someone new and I'm afraid to get hurt again, I'm developing strong feelings for this new guy but I'm so scared to get to close. I'm trying to protect myself but I don't want to end up pushing him away. He understands me on a level no one else does but the closest we get the more scared I get and the more walls I try to build up. I need help! What should I do?

[I wish]

There's no way to be sure of how he feels and there's no way to know how you will feel about him later on.

For now, focus on getting to know each other better and continue to build a stronger relationship. Let things flow naturally.

[amicon]

Have you talked to the new guy about how you feel?

Being open and discussing things is always a good thing.

[Jake2008]

There is always an 'after' part, to any relationship that ends. Generally speaking, to be completely ready to begin a new relationship, takes several months. With your last relationship lasting a really long time as you said, time to recover, is very important.

I don't know how long you took between the end of one relationship, and the beginning of the next. Or, how you worked through the aftermath of the last relationship. I imagine that without knowing the reason for him ending it, it would have been that much harder. But, on the other hand, not accepting 'the end', and left wondering, and feeling unsure of yourself, has left you feeling now, in 'protective mode' as you said.

If you had allowed yourself to work through all the stages to recover, and you were confident, and sure of yourself, you would not be feeling the way you do. By bringing unresolved issues of fear, and self-protection, to your new relationship, my opinion is, you are not yet ready to establish a loving, trusting relationship with the new man in your life.

This is not fair to you, because you are not able or willing to truly love again. And it is not fair to him, because your ex boyfriend still remains in your life, affecting the decisions you make now.

This new fellow could be the best thing that has ever happened to you, and you are robbing yourself of something that could be wonderful. But as long as the old boyfriend keeps you emotionally stuck in the past, with all the effects (fear and unable to trust), you will never know for sure, about this new relationship.

Insight, and learning from mistakes, should, and will, make you a stronger person. But, living without having completely letting your ex go, you are stuck in a place that will prevent that letting go and moving on.

I would speak to your new boyfriend, and just be as honest as you can. Tell him of your fears, and why you are putting up these walls with him. It may be a matter of the new relationship is just moving too fast. It may be that he could very well help you by easing up a bit. But, if he is unaware of how you feel, he will not understand why you are reluctant.

Talk to him, but at the same time, be honest with yourself, and realize that until you are truly over the past, and can accept a new future without the emotional baggage you carry, you are compromising this, and any other relationship.

Good luck.

[talaniman]

You are still gunshy from your break up, which is normal, and a bit more healing time would have helped. Then you could have relaxed and enjoyed getting to know each other at a reasonable pace before you declared this an exclusive relationship.

I think you have to be honest about where you are at in your recovery, so you can be honest with your partner. You don't say how long you took between the break up, and this new fellow, or say if this is early dating, or a boyfriend, girlfriend thing officially, but a lot of your fears are here,

The guy I'm with doesn't believe in love.. We haven't been together very long but the more time I spend with him and the closer we get the more I fall for him and I'm scared he won't feel the same way... How can I know for sure?

Maybe you have a title, but not the words, and that is something to pay attention to because I know it feels great just to have someone to share time with, but its better when they say the 3 words we all love to hear. Until he does, if he does (he has said he doesn't believe in it), you will always be afraid to some extent, so I advise you not to expect anything but fun in your still weakened state, and protect your heart for now. How?

By not making him your world, or expecting the kind of love you need from him to happen. I think if you were stronger, and more independent emotionally, you would not get so attached so fast to a guy that doesn't believe in love, because that's what you need from him. I think all he can give you is fun attention, and distract you from your past loss. Know this, and adjust your thinking accordingly.

[Crazygurl123]

Thank you all so much. I'm taking your advice to heart and really think it'll help. The in between time between the two relationships was about 5-6 months in case you wanted to know. But again, thank you :)

[Divine84]

I had a relationship like 7 years ago, when that relationship had ended.. Me and the guy didn't see each other for like 1 year... But after we began to work at the same place for 2 years.. and from that they till know we were seeing each other sometimes.. but he has an other girlfriend and I'm single right know... But I had loved him from the first day.. how do I know if he feels the same for me?