[lreneau]

My 14-year-old daughter, who is a cheerleader at a strict Christian school, is involved in Student Council, choir, and receives high grades. Recently, after reading 90,000 texts, I found out she is involved in sexting inappropriate pictures to the football players, sneaking out at night with an ex-boyfriend to have sex (he is into drinking and drugs), and has basically gotten out of control. She has lied about the rumors and blamed others for the accusations.

After reading the texts, I have come to the bottom of the lies and definitely can see she is out of control. Her only answer is, "I don't know why." She attends a strict Baptist school where she had no prior discipline issues until her father and I started having problems over the past year, resulting in our separation. Prior to her risky behavior, I explained, sex, STDs, reputation, etc. with her, but she seems interested only in the thrill.

After discovering everything in the beginning of this month, we have decided to change schools, but I am afraid that she will only continue this risky behavior. Her old boyfriend is trying to contact her, and she wants to be involved with him.

I have sought professional help, but it is a slow process. My husband is very stern and inflexible, and I fear keeping her away from the former boyfriend will only make him more appealing. I want to give her a fresh start at her new school despite the chance of rumors following her.

Any advice?

[Fr_Chuck]

Sorry, rumors follow, unless you move 1000 miles away.


I will assume you have taken away her cell phone to stop the texts, ( you can assume photos to pop up on internet and more over time)

I will assume you limit her internet use to only in front of you.

I assume you have fixed your home where she can not sneak out, alarms on doors and the such.

[Oldwomencase11]

I'm 14 year old girl. Absloutly nothing like that. But I went throuh the same promlem with my older sister. Yes take her phone away ! For a long long time. You need tos sit her down and have heart to heart conversation with her.. I know your husband probably wants in on it but just make you two because there may be some things he won't get being a man An all. Tell her how you feel Ask her why she does the things she does. Have like A little intervention I guess. She needs to know she's loved. Make sure she knows what she's doing isn't helping her in life at ALL. Good luck too you... Girls... ugh.

[justicegarr]

When I was about 14 I was doing the same things as your daughter, beside the fact I wasn't enrolled in a Baptist school, well anyway my parents reacted the same way; taking away cell phone, giving no privacy and reading text messages, making traps for me to catch me sneaking out, moving me to a different school and what not. At the time had friends that were doing drugs and actually having sex, while I was just sexting and not really interested in doing drugs. When my mother eventually caught on and started to punish me and begin restricting me from privileges I only made me "hate" her more and made me want to rebel more. So I did, and even though she said to couldn't have contact with certain people I would go out of my way to. As I started to get older and going through high school
(with my mother still behaving the same way) things escalated to where I was doing drugs and having sex, meanwhile her constantly yelling and try to "fix" me. This was when things got bad, by my senior year of high school my reputation was gone, I was a druggie, came down with several STI's, got into trouble with the law many times, and ended up in rehab. I am now 27 and have fully recovered from all that I have went through. My relationship with my mother is better than ever. When we look back on things and talk about what we would have done differently to not have me end up where I was, We would have communicated more rather than just solely punishing. To this day my mother regrets not just talking about it and finding out what was really going on with my behavior besides me just "acting out" because there was a lot of things going on in my mind that I wasn't sure about and that I had no one to talk to about it, like my parents splitting. So with your daughter, just talk to her about it, when she tells you "I don't know why" she really does, but it is very hard to talk about sometimes, so if you are wanting her to be honest and to open up to you you must be sure that you are non threatening and she knows that her talking about it to you won't get her into more trouble, I wish that my mother would have done this for me because then things wouldn't have gotten so bad. Im sure you don't want your daughter to end up how I did so at least consider my advice.