[stebear]

I've been taking care of a disabled friend (and long-ago exboyfriend) for the last 3 years. Actually, more like 9 years, but he's only been disabled for 3. He is unable to walk any distance, even with a walker. Most daily activities are very difficult to impossible for him. A couple times a week, he can't even get to the bathroom in time. I shop, run errands, cook, and clean (which I'm not able to keep up with) without benefit of a car. In addition, I work full-time. His only contribution is his $200 per month food stamps, which covers his food, but not his cigarattes, otc medicines, take-out if I don't have the energy to cook, etc. He has Medicaid, but doesn't like his assigned doctor and won't call to get another. He ignored follow-up appointments after a pelvic fracture due to a fall. He was denied for SSI and won't bother appealing. Same with Medicaid-funded long term care. I am 53, HIV , and have high blood pressure to begin with--I just can't keep this up. How do I get him into a nursing home or even a homeless shelter that might lead to better care if he doesn't want to go. He is not on my lease, but I don't want to have the police get him because I can't be sure where he'll end up. I just need him out of here because the current situation isn't helping either of us.

[awesomagic]

I was disabled once too, and it's no fun. But neither did I sit around and suck up resources without trying to give something in return. He's not trying to help himself or you. This is what I would do. I would give him a choice: either help yourself in some way, or I'll help you out the door. Give him some notice of your intentions but no more than a few minutes. Tell him to make a decision (he has probably already made his decision and just hasn't said anything to you). That's why you only need to give him a few minutes. If he won't make a choice then choose for him. Remember, you have to take care of yourself too. Say what you mean and mean what you say. He will most likely beg and plead but stick to your guns. You're not his slave! Best of luck.

[Fr_Chuck]

You will have to give him the choice, move to a nursing facility on his own, or you just file an eviction though the court.