[Tiname311]

My soon to be ex husband( march 2012 divorce) is making me so depressed:( We married in 08 and have two sons, 3&1. They live with me and hardly see him anymore although I'm very close with his family and mother. This man was in love with me and our children but never told me he was a drug addict. I was traumatized( literally) when I found out his drug of choice was crack. Also he is a very weird abuser, he would smoke every
Couple of months and always have
Money/job just random binges. We still talk somewhat but nothing is said. My main depression comes from my children not having a father who cares enough to support them emotionally and financially it hurts! Any words to help me stay focused on positive? I am an extremely attentive mother and am always with my boys I love them dearly and just so heartbroken about what I got us into. He is completely different from the man I dated...

Separated when our first son was 1
Because he was abusive, we still to
This day talk but I'm so depressed that
He won't be

[awesomagic]

Good question, and a common one too. You can't force someone to be part of a family, even a family which he helped create. If he wishes to be separate from his family, then that's his choice. When it comes to addiction, people will part ways with their family because they're afraid of what their family will think of them for being an addict. He may be embarrassed, ashamed, confused, or any combination of these things. Many times, addicts won't even know what to think about themselves. What you can do is understand that what he does at this point in his life has nothing to do with you anymore. If he doesn't wish to associate with his children then you should make clear to them as they get older that it was dad's decision, not yours, and not theirs. Kids need stability. Raise them well by being the constant in their life. They will still have to take their baths, they will still have to clean their rooms, whether their dad is there or not. I know this answer will not solve all of your problems, but hopefully it will get you started.
Bottom line: Don't let his life define your life. Be the best mother that you know how to be. Good luck!

[Tiname311]

Thank you! That is what I wanted to hear:) I will read your reply often:))))