[frozenfury777]

My girlfriend and I had been dating for about 4 months now (we're both 24). We both had plenty of fun times together, both loved each other quite a bit, and were both very happy to be together. She has been working a few part time jobs ever since she finished up school since she couldn't get a job as an elementary school teacher, and I have one more semester left of school before graduating and starting work with my master's in computer engineering, but we still were able to spend a healthy amount of time together despite it being somewhat of a long distance relationship (1 hour apart).

About the last week or so, she started acting a little distant, and then yesterday she told me that we needed to take some time. She said that the biggest reason why she felt this way is that she thinks she can never be the girl that she thinks I want her to be, which is someone who wants to settle down, get married, and start a family. She said she is not sure that she wants that for her life, and she said part of it might be due to her many bad relationships in the past with jerks, cheaters, and similar types. One particularly bad relationship was with a guy who was her best friend for a very long time (they dated a few years ago), and while she hasn't 100% recovered to this day she seemed to have mostly recovered. She said that she has always dated people to just date them, while she feels that I'm more of the "date to eventually marry" type, which I guess is somewhat true but I'm not sure about it either for myself.

She also said that she feels like I don't have much of a life outside of her. I asked her to explain it some more since I do have my friends at school that I hang out with regularly, and she asked me what I would end up doing when I move back to the same town as her at start working. I told her it would basically be the same thing I always do in a new environment, which is make new friends with my coworkers as I've made new friends before many times. I've been back in town for about a week on winter break and have balanced time between her and my family, but usually we'd go spend weekends with each other about every other week, and we'd usually chat on the phone on a daily basis for a while. This question seemed a little odd at the time, but maybe she feels like I might be suffocating her a little too much? I don't really know.

She said that she still loves me and that she was very happy that we were together in a relationship. While we were dating and prior to this talk we just had, she said things like she had never been happier in a relationship before me or that I was the first person she'd been with who she could be herself with. At one point she even talked about marriage in the future. As far as I can tell, we were both really happy to be together.

There were also a few times where she'd say things like "I don't deserve you" or "You deserve better than me" or "Why did you choose me? What do you see in me that makes you so happy?" Things that made it sound like she always had a lingering thought in the back of her mind that she never thought she was good enough for me, despite me always reassuring her that she was great for me and made me the happiest I've ever been in a relationship and that I wanted to be with her.

She also said that this wasn't because of her leaving me for some guy. That she has no interest in finding another guy since she's just not sure a real relationship is what she needs right now. In past relationships I found this point to not be true, but I also didn't feel they were ever as honest or truthful as she's been with me. She was always truthful and honest in our relationship (and in general with everyone in her life), and I don't think she would just lie to me now because of this especially when she's always been honest regardless of how people would feel about what she said.

With this break that she called for, she said we should take a few days to let it settle in and see if we're both better off without being together or if we really do want to be with each other. I don't know if this means re-evaluate at the end of this week or wait a little longer. She said while it would probably help if we don't talk to each other until said re-evaluation point to help the decision making, that I was welcome to call her to talk at any point. I'm not going to do that because I feel it is probably going to be best if we wait until we re-evaluate.

I know it looks like I wrote a novel there, but I wanted to give enough background here. What should I do? Is it over for good? If we do get back together is this type of problem just going to rear its ugly head again? Is she just worried I want too much from her in a relationship and that she will never be that girl that she thinks I want? How much of it was me? How much of it was her?

[vanheart]

You are dumped.

Sorry, man.

If I were you, I would hold your head up, and disappear.

Don't press this. This isn't a break (whatever that means?) Prolonged agony? For you & her.
Usually means a nice way of girls splitting. I'm being nice.

Guys can be dumb. Don't be one of the dumb ones.

Never talk, email, text, FB, meet or anything else.

Ever.

"she can never be the girl that she thinks I want her to be"
"she is not sure that she wants that for her life"

Here's the real kicker:
""I don't deserve you" or "You deserve better than me"

Yeah right.
Translation:
I don't want you. (but don't want to hurt your feelings)

Screw that. Be smarter.

You got all of the classic lines.

Congratulations.

[talaniman]

What should I do?
Accept that she has dumped you nicely, and plan a life without her.

Is it over for good?
Probably, because you BOTH will move on. She already has.

If we do get back together is this type of problem just going to rear its ugly head again?
You will know that you are being dumped when you hear those same lines again.

Is she just worried I want too much from her in a relationship and that she will never be that girl that she thinks I want?
NO, she is wanting to explore her world and see what options she has for her own happiness, without you.

How much of it was me?
Hardly none, she isn't ready for your plans for the future.

How much of it was her?
99.999% all her, and what she wants for herself.

Sorry guy, but all the SHE TOLD ME, SHE SAID TO ME stuff was her being as nice as possible in dumping you. Not your fault, but she isn't ready to settle down, or be a girlfriend to someone that wants that. It happens.

Now leave her alone. Take the very strong hint she gave you.

[frozenfury777]

You guys both have good points on it. She probably was just trying to be nice to me, just as other girls have done to me in the past. As much as I want to believe its different, my brain is telling me that it really isn't. And yes, it seems that she wasn't ready for the same type of relationship that I was, and holding out on that with her was just being foolish. I should've seen the warning signs earlier that she wasn't ready for it, and that she still had personal issues that she needed to sort through, and that it shouldn't be my responsibility or burden at all. I need to move on, and while a part of me would like to still have a friendship with her, I don't know if that's even much of a possible outcome and I know for certain it's not a realistic option anytime soon.

[talaniman]

I think just because you were rejected for romance doesn't mean you cannot be polite and friendly when you pass each other.

Maybe you don't hang out, or even talk at all but no reason to be rude. Break ups suck, but never let them bring out the worst in you.

[vanheart]

Nope, not realistic at all.

I wouldn't talk to her from now on.

Even if she tries.