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moose_19 · Dec 10, 2011, 07:03 PM

We been together for three years now. 2 days ago she texted me this.

"babe I've been thinking about us. I feel like I need some time apart. I'm a lol frustrated that you don't have a full time job, I wish you'd have more of a drive to pursue work. I want to be confident that if we do get married in the future you can provide for our family. I love you but I feel like us splitting up right now is the best thing at the moment. I don't want to hurt you,I just need you to show me that you are eager to work and that you're not okay with 20 hours a week, And then once I see a difference then we can work on us, I love you don't forget that.

I'm lost I don't know what to do ?

Anyone? Any feed back would be helpful. Thank you.

talaniman · Dec 14, 2011, 07:25 PM

How old are you, and what's up with the part time job. Does she work, or go to school?

Obvious she wants a hard working guy.

SweetChick10101 · Dec 14, 2011, 09:19 PM

It's good how honest that she was with you, and I can definitely tell that she cares about you. Relationships can add so much more stress to someone's life, and women tend to think so far ahead as far as what their partner is doing for money, and she seems to really value that. I think you need to decide if you really want to be with her if it means getting a full time job to make her happy. Ask yourself if it's something that YOU want to do for you too not just her, because that's what matters in the end.

moose_19 · Dec 14, 2011, 10:26 PM

I'm 25 graduated as a general electrician the October currently seeking an apprentice job . I'm evaluating my life at this point and am focusing on my future. I'd like for her to see my changes and take me back.

She texted me saying hey how are you. I texted her an hour later saying hey she texted back so I called her, she talked to me about her moving situation with her room mate and her problems. I feel that's the only reason she texted me for, as well as yesterday, same thing about her situations.

We were suppose to hang out today . I texted her are you still interested in hanging out today? She did not answer, I called her she ignored it, now I'm wondering What the heck is going on? At least a courtesy text :(

Is she losing interest? She told me she does not want to start anything new, she said look I never lied to you about my word, this is a break for us to have a better future. I don't know what to do.

talaniman · Dec 15, 2011, 12:44 PM

I got to tell you, if this is for a better future, then why not work with you to build it with you from the ground up?

She is building her own future, and wants to explore her options, and moving with her room mate, is an excellent opportunity for that. Make no mistake, that's her priority right now, not you, or the excuse she gave you to give you false hope to stay close, just in case her new situations doesn't work out, she still will have you waiting and hoping to get her back.

She is already selective on when she calls, or returns your calls or texts, and will be only available when she is not busy(?), bored, curious, or needs an emotional tampon (to complain to, rant, or vent, which you already have seen).

What do you do? Stop being available at her convenience, stop calling, and let her miss you, and see the consequence of taking a break without discussion, and giving you crumbs of her affection, keeping you in limbo while she has the fun of her life, and to show you have dignity and self respect, and will not be treated as a pet, or toy, at her disposal.

Sorry guy, unless you do this, you will feel foolish, after the confusion sets in, and its confusion she has caused by her actions. You didn't answer the questions of her age, and if she works. Is she moving from her parents house, or has she been living with a room mate?? I am betting that her new found freedom is her way to distance herself from your success/failure at finding a nice job, and no matter which it is, you will get the lets just be friends talk, until she FINDS herself.

Regardless of your feelings of loss and confusion, what you MUST do, is stand on your OWN, for yourself, by YOURSELF, without her! Then at least you will see reality and understand she is a young female that wants to explore her world without worrying about answering to you, and will wean herself of any feelings she had before to make room for new experiences.

Only then will you stop being so desperate to get her back, because you will no longer be distracted by her BS!

Treat this as a break up, and see it as being over. Leave her alone to stew in her own juice, and make her decisions without your influence, as you make your decisions without hers.

SUCKS, I know!

moose_19 · Dec 15, 2011, 03:31 PM

She lived with her room mate 5months ago things did not go well se moved back with her dad just two weeks ago she feels like she needs to move out so her an her best friend move out together again . Just after two weeks things art going so well again with them living together . She's 23 and has a great job at sprouts market. She got offers to live for free at her dads brother house which he is married. And also a coworker (guy in his 30,s ) asked her if she wanted to rent a room with him because she is responsible and she was excited an interest because it is across the street from her job . She told me he has a girlfriend.. and would like to feel how it is to live on her own before we settle down . Should I ask her if maybe I can move in to? Should I tell her I have a full time job let see if she can consider us living together ? I don't know if I should bug her about us spending Xmas together because she said we were. She has not brought it up.

mmresd · Dec 15, 2011, 03:40 PM

Yes, you let her go stop worrying about this relationship and get your life on track. Unless you are still studying you need to get away from her, focus on yourself, and start by finding a job.

She told you the reason why she doesn't want to be with you, and if it is true, then it seems like a VERY valid reason. If she comes back after you have achieved your goals in life then fine, until then live your live separate and focus on your future rather than on things that you have no control over.

moose_19 · Dec 15, 2011, 03:54 PM

@remm I do have a job I just received full time at my job. I feel like texting her to tell her how well I'm doing and that I'm taking action to work things.

odinn7 · Dec 15, 2011, 04:07 PM

Honestly, it seems to me like it really doesn't matter if you have a full time job or not. I could be wrong but it sounds like a bunch of excuses from her. Now she's excited at the prospect of renting a room from a 30 year old guy? Really? Oh but it's OK because he has a girlfriend already. Maybe that's how it will work but I doubt it.

I think you're being led around and you're being cut out of the picture without quite realizing it. I hope it works out as you want it to but I don't see that happening. I see that soon you'll be kicking yourself and feeling foolish for believing her.

talaniman · Dec 16, 2011, 01:38 PM

Sorry guy, I just don't see chasing someone who isn't ready to be caught. I do have a thing about being loyal to those close, and to dump you and use your job as an excuse is just not straight up and honest, but wanting to be on her own before she settles down is a REAL clue for you to disappear and do your thing without her.

That includes Christmas. You sure sound like an option to me, and not a very high priority to her. This is a perfect time to stand on your own for yourself, and explore your own OPTIONS, and OPPORTUNITIES.

Not wait for her approval, or for her to be READY for what you want.