[ladylove25]

-Best friend likes me
-knows me for 5 yrs
-im 20 he's 21
- he's akward and lacks confidence
-tell him this
-he says the only way you would see my "romantic side" is if we went on dates or be together one on one in a appropriate setting.
-tell him that I do not see him that way so I can't be in such a setting with him.
-he says it's the only way for me to see "that side" and not his akward shy side.
-he says he has insecurities from bad experiences with other girls and because of that he does not want to think he's doing something wrong with me which is why he's akward and tense around me.

What do I do? I'm not interested but he wants me to see that side and it would I guess give him confidence but should'nt he gain confidence from himself rather than from me?

[talaniman]

LOL, he seems quite confident in his pursuit of you but if you are not interested then tell your best friend to forget dating, and romance, or leave you alone. Same friend you posted about before right?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...le-613065.html

[ladylove25]

Yes yes lol here's a more detailed description of it... sorry for posting so much lol

I do not find him attractive. I do not see him as boyfriend material and I only see him as a friend nothing more.

We were discussing this yesturday . I told him all of this and that whenever we hung out that he became painfully akward to the point that it got me akward and he lacked confidence. He said that part of it was my fault for being so unresponsive with him. And that it got to him for awhile. That I played a part in his lack of confidence after a long time of me being unresponsive toward him. He also said as for akwardness it stems from his past relationships with girls he's liked and their not pretty.

So he tenses up when he worries if he's doing something wrong with a girl.he says that he plans to get over that being more open with me. He says when he's around our group of friends he's akward and shy,but if we were at "appropriate setting" then he will be able to be his full self. I told him that I have been honest with him and the reason I haven't responded at all is because I'm not interested. He says that it might change if he's able to be his full self with me. That if he shows this "romantic" side ill think he's boyfriend material or that ill be interested. At that point I agreed because I didn't know what to say or do. He's says that he has a feeling that we'd be fine for each other if he can overcome his insecurities and that only time can tell.

*sigh* it seems that me telling him that I'm not interested is not getting in his head. I'm confused because its sweet but at the same time I can not be in that one on one setting so he can be "open" because my feelings aren't mutual with his. I would feel weird. What he's trying to do is nice and all but I just do not know what to do. He's 21 and I'm 20. Any advice on what I can say or do? I told another friend a mine this situation and he says that I'm going to loose as a friend if I do not give him a chance and that he's the perfect guy for me because he knows me very well. Still, I don't see him that way.

[talaniman]

Then you tell him he can no longer be your friend because he is a single minded disrespectful idiot.

That's exactly what he is you know!

[ladylove25]

Single minded? Lol well we have know each other for five years. He's a good friend its just that he thinks that by showing this side of his that I am going to be interested but.. he's just in denial right? I told him that he should date other girls but he says he has feelings for me and only for me. This is such a mess. Lol

[geminichick]

Absolutely! He needs to gain self-confidence from himself, not you. Stay away from emotional vampires. They drain your energy from you. YOu get tired and then you loose yourself in them to fulfill their emotional needs that you forget who you are in the world!

[Homegirl 50]

He sounds a bit immature.
Tell him if he wants to continue being friends with you, he needs to accept that is all there is and cut out that kind of talk.

[ladylove25]

Yea! Guys that's what I think. He needs to gain self confidence but he does not really understand because he's so songle minded that anything that I say is just worthless lol I'm tired of guys and their insecurities and its weird because those are the only guys that I feel are after me. He thinks he can get over his insecurities starting a relationship with me that's just wrong lol

[ladylove25]

This is going to be a long post and sorry for grammar errors.. LOL

*sigh* OK to recap I have a best friend I've known for 5 years that likes me. He has developed feelings for me these past 2 to 3 years and he's 21 and I'm 20. Every time we hang out we enjoy each others company. We make each other laugh and we are comfortable with each other when we talk about personal issues especially this issue I'm going to talk about now.

Yesterday I invited him over to fix my computer since he offered and I know he's good with computers. We hung out and played video games. I noticed that wherever I would sit he would sit and when he wants to get even closer he puts his head on my shoulder making me feel awkward. That's not to say it feels nice but still awkward. I say awkward because I do not like him. I have no interest in him so that's why when he does those little things it can feel awkward. When I told him that I was feeling awkward he asked me why and I told him for us to go on a walk so I can explain why and we did.

I told him the reason (dont like him, not interested) and he started to understand why I felt that way. He then told me if I had anything else to say and I told him about what he said to me before about his insecurities and his lack of confidence which I talked about in my last post. I told him what he said to me about me being partly to blame because I was being unresponsive toward his "flirty acts" and I told him that was kind of a cop-out. He says no because he is trying to take responsibility toward his confidence but that when it comes to me he does not want to do anything wrong toward me. Like say something wrong or do something wrong unless I gave him the opportunity to do any of those things. And if I did he would hold his head up high knowing that he is doing the right thing. I told him that was fine but I have not given him the opportunity because I do not like him.

I told him that recently I got out of a relationship and I wanted to take some time for myself and figure out what I want in a guy and to figure out who I am in life and mature a bit more. He said it was fine and that I told him this before but he asked me if I really did have at least a slight interest in him. I told him no and he explained to me why that may not be the answer. He started to tell me that he's noticed me flirting with him genuinely. He says its on and off but that when we have our moments we both start flirting with each other and that its not just honest flirting but genuine. He also tells me that this has happened before but that at the same time I'm telling him that I'm not interested in him.

I have never heard him tell me this before when we would hang out ever. Now he is telling me that I tend to flirt with him on and off. I told him that perhaps it just happens and I'm not aware of it. He says its still genuine and I may have a slight interest in him after all to put it shortly. He asked me if I did have a slight interest because of what he just said and I told him that I still need time to figure out something's in my life and that I am not sure if there is ever going to be and "us".

Again I told him that I want to focus more on myself and that I could not really answer that question right now. He still asks for an answer and I eventually said I may have a slight interest. I still told him though that I was not sure about that because I am not interested in him entirely and that we both have conflicts with ourselves. (him and his confidence and me with what I want in a guy) and we eventually ended the conversation there.

There was more to the conversation but it was really late I do not remember all of it but I said the important stuff. He wanted to ask for a kiss and I said no and he understood. We hugged and he left home. There are still something's I don't understand..

1.can someone be in a relationship with slight interest?
2.is "genuine" flirting mean that I like him even though I say I don't?

I'm kind of confused. What he just said put me in a confused position. It's the first time he has ever told me and explained this to me. I mean maybe I supposedly flirt because I feel alone since I broke up with someone and I am replacing the feeling of having a guy with my best friend. Its weird but I guess that could be it. And I know its stupid and wrong because in a way I'm taking advantage of the fact that he likes me so I flirt back but before me and my best friend had this conversation I kept telling myself I was not going to flirt with anyone if I am not interested in anyone. Then I make the mistake and do but since he tells me its happened before I really do not know what to think.

What do you guys think of this? Can anything be done or said to him? Thanks guys...

[talaniman]

It's a simple fix, say no way, mean it, and stick to it. The whole problem is he isn't taking no for an answer, and you are easily confused by his passive aggressive behavior.

He knows what he is doing, wearing you down, and confusing you, yet you for some strange reason cannot just stick to your guns. You talk too much, just say NO!

But I think you must have a lousy life and need the attention from him, awkward or not, because most females that get unwanted attention from male friends, exile them from their lives until they get that they are crossing a line. Not you, you just keep explaining, and he keeps a coming.

Say NO! Mean it, And don't be bullied. Boy do you need more friends!!

[ladylove25]

LOL I have friends lots but I guess I want a boyfriend and that's why I tend to need that type of attention from him. But I know this and I want to stay single and not think of guys lol and yes I should say no and mean it but I'm just going blah blah blah. Also what do you think of my question 1 and 2? Thanks

[ladylove25]

Sorry sorry sorry but I need opinions on this..

OK so after all of that we had another discussion through text.I stuck to my guns this time. Check this out.

After talking for a bit I changed the topic... he was talking about being loopy from his medicine on Monday when we had our discussion..

Me:i was out of it from the conversation plus the cold.

Michael:true true.still beats being loopy though. Lol

Me:its more confusion to me

Michael:confusion from what?

Me:idk this notion that I'm supposibly flirting with you on and off I guess lol

Michael:i thought we went over that already.how'd that come back up? Lol

Me:cause you were talking about how loopy you were Monday. And I said I was loopy but really just confused
N u said from what and I said from conversation.

Michael:so you were loopy from that and the cold weather?

Me:yes exactly

Michael:well yea that would make someone loopy.I hope you're doing better today compared to then.lol

Me:nope still think something's wrong. A gut feeling.

Michael:what do you think is wrong?

Me:me not being direct with you my answer and you not taking no for an answer lol

Michael:are we really going to have a repeat of our conversation?

Me:so you will take no for an answer?

Michael:i thought that we already came to that conclusion that we were going to let time pass so that we
Could sort through our own problems.

Me:im not going to promise anything. I'm going to date people just saying.

Michael:well we never really promised anything to each other.we just said that you wanted to sort
What you want in a guy and focus on other things.that and me wanting to focus on doing things that would help my confidence dilema. And then after time passed something more might happen between us or not.

Me:not to be mean but don't hold your breath. I don't know how much time that may take.

Michael:you've already told me that (no I didnt) and we kind of agreed that I'm stubborn and patient.lol

Me:i still think I have no interest but your stubborn so lol

Michael:but what you've done contradicts what you... dear god we are repeating this aren't we?lol

Me:no I'm not being contradictive

Michael:yes you are. Hell you even admitted to there being a SLIGHT interest back when we were talking Monday.we went over that to. Its not just now that you've been like this with me.and how you flirt with me is more then just honest flirting >.>

Me:so you bring it up now? I haven't flirted with you at all before the breakup. You just think I did.

Michael:yes you have adri. It obviously didn't really happen while you were going out with him , but you have before and we've had our moments *sigh*so we really are doing this.. again lol

Me:no I haven't. Again why bring it up now. And if I'm telling you no why do you keep being stubborn. Its seriously wearing me down.

Michael:but you have. If I'm coming off as stubborn in this conversation its only because you keep jumping back to saying that you never had an interest in me when you've done and said otherwise. Plus... when you do that it really gets to me by making me think that you don't want to admit it and just want avoid it.you just saying and doing that makes me not know what to think.

Me:ur being stubborn now because I'm directly and definitely saying no now and you keep insisting I'm saying otherwise because I'm on and off flirting.then you keep saying I am but I'm telling you no seriously. So now apprently I just don't want to admit it or . Goodness first I'm in denial now you think I just don't want to admit it or something. I don't know what you your trying to do.

Michael:you do realize that not wanting to admit something to admit something is the same thing as denying it. I'm really not trying to do anything . All I want is for us to be honest with each other about how we feel. And after everything that we've been through and said as well as what others have seen with us, are you still going to say that there was never a mutual sense of interest even if it was small?

Me:u said both. And the only thing I've told you was that I've been indecisive about us being together. I'm talking about how I feel now.

Michael:that wasn't the only thing you've told me though. You've said before that there was a slight interest.you even said it on Monday to let me know that this whole thing between us wasn't just one sided.

Me:before I said their may be a slight interest because I was indecisive but now I'm not indecisive. I'm trying to stick to my guns here lol I said it Monday but I was confused with what you were saying with me flirting on and off.so you weared me down to the point that I just said yea slight interest MABY.


Michael:I doubt that you would tell me that you had a slight interest from being weared down. Either way, you went on to say that even if you had one you didn't have the urge to follow up because you're currently don't know what you want in a guy and that you want to focus on other things.

Me:k think what you want I'm going to bed.night

Michael:im not thinking it though. *sigh* should we continue this tomm?

Me:idk

Michael:well lets just see tomorrow. Until then, night.

So what do you guys think? Maby I'm not wording myself right. If I did flirt. It must have been from being indecisive but now I know I definently have no interest. He thinks it means something just because people think we are an item or something. I'm stuck here. Sorry for botherin so much lol

[talaniman]

Know any cuss words? Use them on him. Don't call him either.

[ladylove25]

Isn't that disrespectful? Lol

[talaniman]

Yes, so what?

[ladylove25]

But he hasn't said any cuss words like that to me lol

[talaniman]

What is it you are trying to accomplish from a fellow that even a hello means you are interested in dating him?

If you cannot recognize that cussing him out is what's needed to make your point, then no doubt this wishy washy dance between you will continue until one of you has other things to do.

Maybe cussing is a bit harsh, but that's what usually happens when a guy gives a girl some unwanted attention. Oh, maybe that's the rub, you NEED his attention, or want it.

[slapshot_oi]

This has been going on for a month...

This is a non-issue. Just be direct and tell him there is zero interest and you will never date him or ignore him completely.

Because you've been handling this so poorly—"slight interest"? What the hell was that?—you will have to hurt his pride to make him stop by doing what tal said and give this boy a ol' fashioned talkin-to.

[ladylove25]

Just want to be sure with myself guys lol anyway I have been trying to resolve it lately and sticking with my guns so there will be no reason for him to think otherwise.

[Homegirl 50]

Stop communicating with him
He'll soon get the message