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NickAnt · Dec 6, 2011, 11:36 AM

Hi,

I am at a desperate situation and need suggestions.
Myself and my wife are married for about 7.5 years and we have a daughter together.
At the time of our marriage, I had known that she had an ex boyfriend, with whom she
Used to keep mailing. But that stopped after our marriage.

However lately, I have seen that she has her ex on her Facebook friends and they exchange
Messages. I have seen and I was OK with messaging on fb, hoping that they don't cross their lines. But recently I have noticed, that she chats on fb after am asleep, hides her
Phone/tablet when am near her and always has excuse that she needs to complete her work, so not sleeping at usual time. Later one day, accidentally her Facebook was on and I saw sexually explicit chat messages on Facebook. I am sure they haven't met personally yet, since he lives in a different state.

Should I ask her to stop conversing with this guy ?
Yet, I do love her, not sure if divorce is the only way out to ease my pain ?
Or should I give her another chance ?

Please help me out.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 6, 2011, 12:48 PM

Yes, you need to discuss this, and that you are not happy with her late night activities. And while I normally say ask, sometimes demand is the proper word.

cici10 · Dec 9, 2011, 10:24 PM

This is inappropriate behavior in a relationship, especially since you two are married and have a child together. It seems from your post the warning signs were there all long, yet you two proceeded with marriage and child bearing. Divorce is a serious and drastic step, and often one partner initiates and the other agrees. In my book, this is a form of betrayal, if you choose to 'work things out' you may need a good counselor or self therapy.. during self therapy try to not bring any emotions into it. Ask her why she is doing this? And if she wants to continue being with you.. and of course what you two should work on? Making a list always helps. Of course I would recommend that she no longer speaks to her ex or whomever online in 'that manner'. Keep in mind this may be a sign she is one foot out the door. The ball is your court now.

drboni · Dec 11, 2011, 09:58 PM

Confront her with it. If she repents and is sorrowful, get her to give you her Facebook password and free access to the FB. If she doesn't comply, she doesn't love you and is just leading you on. I would either get marriage counseling or see a lawyer. There is no room for secrets in a marriage.