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Flacob · Dec 3, 2011, 03:44 PM

Hi,

Ok, so I'm a little confused about my ex girlfriend. We were dating for about 2 years, then she broke up with me because she felt different. After we broke up we had a lot of arguments, disagreements and on/off working out for 2-3 months until eventually we argued and didn't speak for 2 years, she took me off Facebook, I deleted her phone number. For the next 2 years, whenever we saw each other in the street, we ignored each other and didn't say a word.

So, about 1 month ago, my best friend told me she was talking to him on Facebook and asked how I was doing a lot etc. I thought it was a bit strange. And then 2 weeks ago, she spoke to him again and asked him for my number in which he said it wasn't a good idea, instead she asked him to give me hers, I refused too. I found this odd. I also live near a nightclub and just last weekend my brother told me how he saw my ex, on that previous night at about 3 am pointing at my house and just telling her friends that I live there, I find this quite odd that she's still talking about me in situations like that.

So, here's the big thing, The other night I was on the computer and I signed into msn which I haven't done in a long time and straight away she pops up in chat, I said hi and she basically said she wants us to be able to talk and she hates the way we ended things, I said I do to and we cleared the air so to speak. This conversation led to us being civil and during which she asked if I was single? And where I'm working? And she also kept mentioning about what we used to do like food used to eat together and memories. I also found out that she is single. (3 months ago she ended her relationship with her boyfriend who was her best friend).

I'm over her completely but Its getting to me and to be honest I don't want to get hopes up or too friendly with her if maybe we could have a more grown up relationship if she does just wants to be friends, so please help me, is she working on getting me back and misses me? Or does she want to be able to be my friend with a good connection?

Fr_Chuck · Dec 3, 2011, 04:11 PM

She is lonely and most likely remembers some good time, or figures you would be something to do till something better came along. If you remember the reasons you broke up, leave it as broke up.

grammadidi · Dec 3, 2011, 04:34 PM

If you are truly over her, act like it. Let it go. Women are emotional beings who often tend to contact their past loves when they are feeling needy. This could be when they break up with their most recent love, when they fight with their present love, when they feel insecure in their present relationship, etc.

If you read your question again you will see by things you say that you probably are not over her completely. For instance: 1. You signed into MSN when you haven't done so in a long time (since you 'got over her'?? ); 2. You contacted her when she popped up in chat instead of ignoring her; 3. You say you "don't want to get hopes up" and "maybe we could have a more grown up relationship".

It doesn't matter if she misses you and wants you back or wants to be a good friend if you are truly over her. If you are over her you don't want to be her friend. If you are over her you don't want her back. However, if you still have hope and you want to try to work things out you have to be prepared for the fact that you will PROBABLY get hurt but it MIGHT work out. If you are willing to take the risk and waste more time on a relationship that probably ended because it wasn't meant to be then accept that you will probably be hurt again and go for it. If you don't want to take the risk... get back to pretending she doesn't exist.

Only you can make the right decision for you. Good luck!

Hugs, Didi

talaniman · Dec 3, 2011, 07:06 PM

I have no clue what she wants but can say with a bit of certainty she is still in the healing process from losing a lover and best friend, and needs someone to talk to and make herself feel better, and get away from the lonely, alone feelings she has now.

You may well be over her, but are still weak for her charms and maybe having old feelings and memories stirred back to the surface with the recent, and present contacting of each other.

More than likely she is still hurt, but needs a friend until she gets her strength back, and she figures you are comfortable right now.

Don't waste your time with curious thoughts of fantasy, protect yourself, and if you can't be that friend, that crutch, or that emotional tampon, then don't play the game, and don't expect this to go anywhere. Even if you two find a weak moment and do something for a while, its very likely it wouldn't last any longer than what you had before.

Be great if you could be a friend, and not be distracted from doing your own thing. Or getting carried away by your feelings or curiosity, so at least recognize that you both have changed and despite the history, are strangers again. That means don't make promises, or get in to deep to walk away if you have to.

she basically said she wants us to be able to talk

I would simply take her at her word, NO MORE, NO LESS. The rest is you trying to convince yourself of... something, or making NOTHING into something.

Flacob · Dec 4, 2011, 06:23 AM

But what if she contacted me because she wants to try things again? She told me she got sick of her ex and that she was right the first time... that she shouldn't have gone out with him and she only wanted to be friends with him, Besides, why is she talking about what WE used to do and our memories if she is still getting over him? I think she still loves me and wants to try things again.

talaniman · Dec 4, 2011, 06:41 AM

Then why don't you find those things out before you go chasing the what if's?

Why assume, and hope, when you can ask her directly?

vanheart · Dec 5, 2011, 12:30 AM

So what?

"didn't speak for 2 years"

Isn't that enough time? What? Now you caved in? Sounds like you didn't learn jack.

"I'm over her completely" Doesn't sound like it.

She's just trying to reel you back to crap on you more. Like she did before.

"3 months ago she ended her relationship with her boyfriend who was her best friend"
Is that the guy she dumped you for?

She just fishing for a puppy. One she can play. She already did you before.

Go on like this never happened & don't text her.

Don't be an fool. Don't believe the BS.
Don't talk to her. You were doing fine.

What happened?

grammadidi · Dec 5, 2011, 07:55 AM

"...what if she contacted me because she wants to try things again?"

Yes, what if?? Does it make a difference? I thought you were totally over her? As I said before (but in other words) - are you really willing to risk being jerked around by her again? Look, the probability is that even if she wanted to get together with you that it would end exactly the same way it did before. Are there exceptions?? Yes. However, the exceptions are generally the girl/guy who knows they have some growing to do before entering into a truly committed relationship, leaves the relationship to experience that growth, then comes back. They are not women who get into a long term relationship with someone else.

Your friend obviously thought it was a bad idea for you two to have contact. I say that you should take a step back, pay attention to those who know you (and her) best and carefully weigh what the strangers who have nothing emotional invested in your situation (the people here) say. THEN make a decision.

Good luck!

Hugs, Didi

talaniman · Dec 5, 2011, 02:30 PM

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to vanheart again.

geminichick · Dec 5, 2011, 03:00 PM

If you were completely over her there wouldn't be any "what if's". Ignoring her and not talking to her was the right thing to do. What happened there? She needs to move on and so do you.