[WorriedMama23]

This guy was sober and took advantage of me when I was drunk. Can I use that against him in a custody hearing? He wants custody of the baby that isn't even born yet...

[Fr_Chuck]

No, you agreed to have sex. If you were so drunk as to be passed out, and then filed rape charges on him, but making a poor choice of a sex partner is not against the law. Also you made the choice to drink and become drunk. In fact he would have better use of this against you in court, he was sober, but he would show that you drink so much to become drunk and not make good judgement calls.


At this point, he can not do anything till the child is born.
After the child is born he can file for custody, visits and so on.
Unless he can prove you to be a unfit mother, the most he will get would be joint custody, with him having the child 1/2 of the time and help to make choices about what happens with the child ( of course as the father he has certain rights) At the least he will get visits every other weekend and normally once during the week.

[J_9]

Moderator's Note: Moved from Children to Family Law as this is a legal issue.

[dontknownuthin]

My guess is that he was drunk, too. So is the objective to prove to the court that two drunk fools had sex? Or to tell the court that you're too immature to manage how much you drink, but you're mature enough to raise a child? Bad strategy - you'll look like a blithering idiot. Move on - you're pregnant, you're 50% responsible and so is he. This is not the first unplanned child in the world and it's time for both of you to step up and grow up, starting with not drinking like that again.

The goal of the court, because it's best for the child, is to ensure that both parent's rights and responsibilities to the child are preserved and that the child benefits from having two loving and supportive parents, who both work hard to foster a positive relationship not only between themselves and the child, but also between the child and the OTHER parent. They are looking to see you act in a cooperative way with the father, to be responsible in your own actions, and not to be petty or ridiculous in churning up drama and obstructions to his reasonable access to the child.

I am not an attorney - you need one, badly. You also need counseling both on your own and with the father to learn how to coparent this child and manage this unexpected disruption in your life plans.
I have seen many situations like yours very close up as a family law paralegal and can tell you that the only person who benefits when unmarried parents war over a baby is the lawyer, who will end up with all of your money, probably your parent's money and so on. There's no good resolution to a family situation that the family members insist on turning into an argumentative nightmare.

The best thing for the child, and most affordable and liveable for everyone involved is if you and the father can just admit that you both drank too much, acted impulsively and are paying a price that is your shared fault and responsibility. Then talk about what each of you want for your child in terms of education, opportunity, care and so on. Then talk about what each of you are willing to do to see the dream come to life. Work with a third party like a counselor or mediator to stay on track and play fair and be honest about what you can reasonably do.

When you have a good agreement, you should both consult attorneys and finalize it amicably in court.

Or, you can fight and sling insults at each other and hurt your child and spend a lot of money needlessly.

[JudyKayTee]

Your defense to him getting custody or visitation (I have no idea why he would have any hope of getting custody) is that you were so drunk you didn't know what you were doing and he took advantage of you?

That makes both of you sound unfit.

Why is he asking about custody and not visitation? Are you on speaking terms?

I would do nothing unless/until you speak with a Family Law Attorney and learn both the legal process and your rights - and, of course, his.