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completemess · Nov 28, 2011, 06:12 AM

I'm in a complete mess at the moment. I broke up with my ex boyfriend of three years three months ago (well he actually dumped me) because we both knew we'd be travelling for the next year or more. I've not been single since the age of 16 (now 22) and am having a really tough time managing it. I'm terrible at being able to say no and protect myself from certain situations. To my utter horror when in Spain I had three one night stands. The first of which (only the third guy I've ever slept with-the first two being in relationships of 2.5 and 3 yrs each) was a fantastic experience but he was only passing through travelling and we only spent a few nights together (we only slept together once) and the other two were much less comfortable experiences and have left me really very confused, hurt and angry at myself (the sex was emotionless and meaningless and I've been beating myself up about doing it ever since). All this while my ex boyfriend who is in Africa working for a church school with no chance of meeting anyone else is still sending me emails, chatting on skype to me and its evident that we both still like each other. I don't discourage him from this contact as I still want him in my life even just as a friend since he is a fantastic person. The problem is we are too intense and know each other too well and already after only 2 months of being back in contact we are already back to being so much more than friends. I am honest with him and he knows everything about the other situations which hurts both of us but we can't seem to stop this level of emotional intimacy. On top of all this the guy I first met in Spain kept in touch and after speaking on the phone once a week for two months he eventually met up with me on my return to the UK and wants to keep seeing me. Final nail in the box: I leave for South America in a month. What do I do? I really like the guy who's interested in me but with such little time (and money-he lives 2hrs away) I'm not sure it's at all sensible to keep seeing him. If anyone can get their head around all this they would be a genius. The whole situation leaves me very depressed and not at all sure of what's happening in my life. Perhaps I should just be single and unavailable and stop romantic interests ruining my time travelling. Help!

JudyKayTee · Nov 28, 2011, 06:26 AM

If "he" understands you are leaving and the relationship is temporary, go for it.

If not - walk away.

I don't understand your "horror" at your three one-night stands. Was alcohol involved? Was it not a question of choice?

completemess · Nov 28, 2011, 06:34 AM

Thanks JudyKayTee (sort of what I wanted to hear I guess!). I don't know why it was "horror". A little bit of alcohol was involved and I was sort of just "going with the flow" but my negative emotions only flood in until after the event and I can't stop judging myself. All were a matter of choice but I don't hold much by my choices! I guess I've just lived quite a sheltered life so far with regards to relationships and with both my ex boyfriends having been very religious I think my expectations of sexual encounters are subconsciously conservative to say the least even if naturally I'm quite a bohemian and very affectionate person. I always thought you should only have sex with someone you really love love and I didn't abide by that belief in those instances. Now I'm not sure if that opinion is just a fairytale one that I like thinking I have but in reality I don't. Sigh... why do I make life so difficult for myself! Haha! Thank you though... nice simple answers are what I need right now!

JudyKayTee · Nov 28, 2011, 06:38 AM

I think women cause themselves problems by judging themselves unreasonably and unfairly - if a friend told you your same story you would be sympathetic and understanding. You need to give yourself that same break in life.

You're beating yourself up over nothing.

Be honest in your relationship(s) and see what happens - it's always worked for me.