[ashleyryan06]

I have been married to my husband a little over a year and am very confused. I am young (24) and we've been together since I was 17. The past couple years things have changed.

First, we are thousands of dollars in debt. Around 15,000 to be exact. This, I think, causes a lot of problems. We always want to do things, but can't, because we are paying off our debt. We are constantly fighting about money, and I can't take it anymore.

Our sex life has gone down hill because I just don't find myself to be sexually attracted to him anymore. It's not that he's ugly, he's far from it.. I just don't feel it anymore. I don't know what to do and I feel horrible because of this. I can't enjoy sex with him, because the whole time I'm thinking about how bad I feel that it's not enjoyable in the first place.

I think about other men constantly. I want to date, feel attractive, and have sex with other men. I never got to experience any of this and I want to. Is that so wrong? I want to go out to bars and not have to worry if a guy hits on me. I want to leave the house and not have to tell someone where I'm going or ask if I can go. I was even thinking about this a few more months before we got married and almost called off the wedding.

I get annoyed because everyone.. yes, EVERYONE says I am so lucky and with the perfect guy. He's far from perfect though, he doesn't treat me "perfect" when family isn't around. Not saying he's abusive, an alcholoic, or drug dealer or anything.. but his act in front of my family is not how he is to me all the time.

We fight a couple times a week, and I know a marriage is work, but is this stuff normal?

Am I have a midlife crisis early? Please someone help me and tell me what's going on and suggestions on what I should do.

[joypulv]

The number one fight in marriage is over money. This is well documented. A couple who doesn't sit down before marriage and discuss their financial future had better start doing it once a month, paying bills together and hashing out what do spend for the coming month - A BUDGET. You'd be surprised how quickly you can pay off 15K, even on low salaries, if you budget every single category of expense and cut out ALL clothing, entertainment, texting, eating out - even all those coffees not made at home. Think of it as the Biggest Loser, only money instead of fat.

You felt the warnings about your marriage but took the plunge anyway, and now have to take responsibility for your actions. If you feel that a separation for say 3 months would help you see what you 'missed' and what the bar scene is like (you may quickly grow to hate it), then do so, but you still have that debt shared, and where would you live? Your really should tell him what you are saying here first. Being 'appreciated' won't be any different with all those other fish in the sea, once they have that romantic fling with you, so there's something to be said for comfort and stability.

[Fr_Chuck]

I would say what you need is a budget, to set down and figure out how you got there, to agree not to spend anything more. And there are lots of things to go and go out that is free, or costs very little.