[spannernose]

My ex Boyfriend split up with me a couple of months ago. He told me he suffered from bulimia and depression (I suffer from depression also and he was aware of this) and even though in the six months we were going out we barely had single argument or disagreement and I only tried to be as understanding as possible about his problems he said it was just too much for him he just didn't want a relationship and so ended it with me.

I wouldn't mind this except less than a month later I saw him pulling my flat mate/ friend. I was devastated, my friend knew how unhappy the breakup had made me; but they both convinced me it was a one off. I have since started seeing seeing someone else who I am really happy with, but I found out they both slept together. I was so angry I confronted my ex and he claimed that although he didn't want a relationship with anyone he still wanted to date? (I couldn't really understand this considering he had made out his problems to be so serious) He did however say he would stop when he saw how upset I was.

My friend then asked me if it was okay (I am currently seeing a therapist and taking medication for my depression but the whole situation really exacerbated it), I tried to explain this somewhat reluctantly to my flatmate how it was making me feel so miserable and that I didn't think I could cope with it. But I didn't feel I could in good conscience disclose my ex's problems to my friend. They seemed understanding and promised to stop. But despite saying this they continued regardless.

Does it seem unjustified that I am angry and upset. I really do not begrudge my flatmate / friend a boyfriend, but I think what they have done is immoral and it's making me feel so low I'm not sure what to do anymore. I feel like I've tried all possible approaches. Would be good to hear peoples thoughts?

[DaniCalifornia]

Your FRIEND doesn't sound like a faithful one. If this were me, it would have broken my trust with them and I'd have to move. What are you going to do?

Either way you have to accept your ex has moved on, there's nothing you can do about it. It's only harder for you as you're SEEING him move on.

X Dani

[talaniman]

You cannot control others, or expect them to put your needs above their own. Despite everyone's personal issues, I think you put a safe distance between them, and what you need to do for yourself.

It's a difficult balance, but being able to cope with your own feelings is at the heart of the issue. NOT what they are doing.

[Jake2008]

One of the things you should have learned in therapy, is that you need to learn how to take control of your own life, and make your own decisions. That follows that you sometimes need to 'mitigate' the contributing factors to your depression.

The main one being the constant reminder that your ex broke up with you in order that he could have a relationship with your flat mate. The next being that you are still living with your flat mate. They are both clearly a daily reminder that both of them deceived you, and it feels like, they are continuing to do so.

You cannot change their relationship or circumstances surrounding why and how they got together in the first place. Thinking of this as immoral, is a subjective thought, because to them, they are happy together, and have accepted how it has affected you, as incidental. They have also accepted that your continued depression hasn't so much to do with them, as it does with you 'getting over it'. It may seem immoral to you, and you are right in a way, but, it is what it is.

Change your circumstances, and concentrate on only yourself. Get a new flat mate, or move. That would be the first thing. Cultivate new friends, and activities.

As long as you remain in a position where they are a daily reminder of what you are trying to understand and cope with, is a dead end street. I don't know why you haven't made these obvious changes. Do you think that by staying, things will change?