[badbrit]

Hello everyone,

Basically I split with my ex-girlfriend 3 years ago, mostly my decision due to some exaggerated jealousy and lack of anger control, in the end my decision, my fault. I did love her very much and believe I still do.

She kept emailing me until end of last year commenting on how much she missed me, how lonely she felt, never failing to greet me on my birthday, and wanting to know how I was doing. I never replied, justifying such a behaviour as best for both, so I could forget her and she as well, the sooner the better for both.

For some reason I checked her face book page last month and saw that she was married! I expected her to move on and actually advised her on this just before splitting. But the news affected me in an unexpected way, I felt quite nostalgic for our past relationship and sad to the extreme that I had lost her due to my pride and anger, with reality hitting me now that it was too late.


I emailed her congratulating her and saying that I was truly happy for her (which wasn't totally true). She replied thanking me and grateful that there were no more sour feeling between us and confessing that she had lived three years of deep depression post my departure.

The next day I had the sudden longing to call her, of course she was a bit surprised to hear me after all that time. It started to go friendly at first but then I could not resist the urge to tell her how much I had missed her and how she was still a part of me. She started sobbing and said "I did too", and then repeated time after time how she had waited for me for three years and how there had been no one but me (while crying). I asked her if she loved her husband(I know not a decent question), she replied she loved him in a different manner and continued to cry.

I am well aware that I probably should have left her alone, and it was selfish of me to impose my presence after such a long silence. But in her email reply she said she had expected me to contact her that day (she had posted herself as a bride), why was she still interested in my input after marrying someone else? Also I learned she had a miscarriage a month before my birthday (and two prior her wedding) and all the same she sent me as usually a birthday greeting saying "no matter what you are the most amazing and wonderful, happy birthday!".

How do I interpret this from her point of view? She just wanted to hear from me to get closure? Did she cry because she was angry that I admitted still loving her and never contacted her? Disregarding her despair? Did she cry from regret? Does she still love me? All the emotions after so much time from her and from myself left me wondering if I have committed a great error in letting her go.

Any input especially from the women's side will be greatly appreciated.

[talaniman]

Man to man, Do your really think that was an act of love and caring to dredge up old buried feelings all of a sudden? What gives you the right to interject yourself back in someone's life after 3 years of ignoring them.

You seek answer to your elf serving behavior, that you know is selfish, and heartless. WHY??

What will you do with those answers. Probably ruin her life, and depress her even further. Again WHY??

Sorry guy, but not only did you show some selfish behavior, but some extremely poor judgement.

[strengthwithin]

Wow, I don't mean to be hurtful but your behaviour is incredibly selfish and self obsessed. I advise you to take some time to reflect on your behaviour, it seems that you don't want her but you just want to make sure that she can't quite move on from you. Leave her be, give her closure by admitting that it just hurt your ego to see she was married. You let her suffer for 3 years and then as soon as she has found some peace you surface?