[nonameplease]

This seems like an overly common thing, but still I'm not sure...
I am 13 years old and in the 9th grade. I have had a "boyfriend" before, but that was for two weeks of eighth grade. He kissed my cheek once. So really, I've never been in a serious relationship.
A few weeks into high school I became friends with a sophomore boy who is 16. We got to know each other and became good friends. Now we have both realized that we "like" one another. I trust him implicitly. We would both like to date, but we are also concerned by our age difference. We have had several discussions, in which we told one another how we feel about the whole thing and tried to figure out how to approach it. I stated to him immediately that I would not date him behind the backs of our parents. He agreed. We also both are against any "intimacy", i.e. sexual activity. We have also discussed legality issues and decided to wait until that presents a problem to worry. I personally think that he's trustworthy and up to the standards of my parents. But how do I ask them if I can date him? They already know him and know that I like him (we both love jazz and play jazz guitar)but they are very conservative and I don't know how they would react. So can you please tell me how to ask them, and what you would do if your daughter asked you?

[DaniCalifornia]

If my daughter mentioned this, I would be quite against it. The main reason being, if you WERE to go further than kissing, you'd both have to wait 5 years. (He'll be 19 and you'll still be a minor even when you're both overage) And all too often, young couples don't wait, as they love their boyfriends/girlfriends too much. I wouldn't want my daughter giving something like that up.

HOWEVER, looking at your situation, you make it clear you won't be doing so. (Intended non patronisingly - Good girl!) So I see no problem with you dating.

What I learned from boyfriends and parents, you should make it clear you want to involve them. Not just ask their permission. They will most likely want to know what you're up to and where you're going. I lived with my dad growing up, and when I had my first boyfriend, I would have occasions where we'd all go out together. Dinner, cinema, or even just a walk. The more they get to know him, the more they'll trust him.

X Dani

[ScottGem]

Normally I would be against a 13 yr old one on one dating with ANYONE, let alone a 16 yr old. And even though you sound very mature, I still have misgivings. But the problem is I don't really know you or the boy.

So I'm going to let your parents decide. If you BOTH go to your parents and explain it them just as you did to us. Then whatever they decide will Stand.

[Fr_Chuck]

Sorry nope, 13 is too young to date a 16 year old, no matter how mature she may be. As a parent, she would never get a chance.

[Aurora_Bell]

I think the question you are really asking is, how do you approach your parents with this situation. I think the best thing would be to ask while you are all in a relaxed manner. Maybe watching TV or playing a game with each other. Try to avoid sounding like you will do it even if they disagree. Tell them you have found that you both have common interests and would like to spend more time with him WITH their permission. Tell them you both have no interest in sex, or any sexual activities, and that the relationship would be basically plutonic until you were of age to decide if you wanted to pursue it any further, offer to invite him over for dinner or whatever, so they can meet him too, and make sure he talks about it with HIS parents as well. I think the most important thing here is to be honest and open. Be prepared for them to say no. Dating at 13 seems so young to me, but I see it more and more often. I think you are being very rational and mature about the situation, that's why my response is more based on HOW to tell your parents rather then me telling you if I think it is right or wrong.

[nonameplease]

Just wanting to say (to add other details) we have also realized that we don't "love" each other. We both think that in high school of all things, the most one can feel is infatuation at best. This is not to say that the answers aren't helpful, because all of them definitely are. But I just wanted to throw this out there in case the "love" debate came up.
Thank you all!

[ScottGem]

In that case, isn't all you are really doing is "hanging out".

But I agree with Bell except I would still approach your parents together.