[Rize]

This guy and I have been together for 16 months. I've been hurt in the past by my ex and a bit jaded I kept picking fights in this relationship. I kept saying things without thinking and spoke before I thought. But I loved this guys dearly. I was scared and afraid but I still did a lot for this relationship too and he saw I was different and truly loved me. But let me just say I know everyone says this but this guy gave so much for this relationship did everything he was like family. My conservative parents approved too.

We were perfect for each other he absolutely treated me like a princess did everything. I said I'd watch out on the things I say and a few days ago I took it too far for a stupid reason. I tried taking it back but he's too hurt apparently it's for a lot of things not just that day and he says he has a lot going on in his life and he lost interest now. It's hard for me to digest because he said he didn't feel like that just a few days ago but it doesn't directly have to do with that one fight either.

Everyone I know is stunned because this guy was madly in love with me. I feel horrible like I screwed it up but he knows I'm like a kid and innocent and childish and I mean well. He knows me. I do those things because I really believed he was mine and I was just close to him. I regret it now but even then we were so great for each other. He'd always try whenever I felt this way and he did so much for me and all. It's hard hearing those words from me and no matter how much I tell him I won't he doesn't believe me and it wasn't even like I'm too horrible and I never did terrible things just little annoying things but he loved me no matter what. Gave me reasons to love him when I thought I didn't. He made me believe in him and now he let me down :/ .

I'm stunned that he would be the one to do this... like I feel so bad but he says he doesn't have interest. Like this guy was so in love with me he really cared. More than like anyone like he was my mother brother sister friend love everything family and all!

Do you think it's really over? What's going on? He wants to be friends and he came over one days when guests were over I texted him after why and he said just to say hi like two days after we broke up. When I finally get the courage to ask him I'm sorry and for us to start over he doesn't want too. He cares but I don't know why he doesn't want to... like he says he truly forgives me.

I don't know do you think it's really over? Because I cannot explain to you how much he loved me. What do I do? I'm so scared of him and stunned cause he was my everything. After I sincerely heartfelt asked him like I haven't ever he stopped texting me and says he gets it but doesn't text me and hasn't for like a day now... like what the heck is going on?

What should I do? I tried but I can't just be bestfriends in a second till he decides to move on and when he does then what are we? I have feelings and needs too... is it really over?

Also, Everyone was absolutely jealous of our relationship too like he did so much and was so romantic and just so sweet and was always there for me in a blink of an eye. I was always scared but deep down I did fall for him I was so lucky to have I cannot bear losing him. He was the best gift I've ever gotten I looked up to him and I was whole because of him he was my other half. It was always me and him I bet his friends are like don't be a tool for her or don't let her walk all over you and I don't know he was my most prized possession my greatest treasure my eveything and now none of it matter :( I bet some of my friends are secretly happy for me cause honestly and completely unbiasedly their boyfriends aren't that great like they love now and what not but wished they did stuff like mine did. By the way, I'm 19 he's 21

Whatever I did I'd always regret losing him I have hope but am I being stupid?

[Fr_Chuck]

First there is no perfect relationship, and people are often jealous of one since they are not the ones in it.

It appears you from what you said, keep pushing things, and did not know how to act perhaps in a adult relationship, since it is not for kids or for being childish.
A relationship is going to require hard work, from both people to work. Next there will be fights, the relationship I am most worried about is one where they say they never fight, since if youu don't fight, you are not communicating.

[talaniman]

Sorry, it was great while it lasted but I think it is over, and you are in shock about it. When the shock wears off, leave him alone, because its time to accept, and adjust to this situation, and in time you will.

I know it sucks, and I am sorry for your loss.

[mmresd]

You believe you have been disappointed. But after all the love he showed you don't you think he feels like you disappointed him? Yes, this is over, you need to accept it and start moving on. Now you know that your actions hurt people, he is done with this relationship though. Let time pass, and you will be OK with being single once again. Go no contact, keep yourself busy, and time will heal your pain. You lived OK without him before you met him, you just need to learn how to do it again, it takes time to get accustom to such a big change as this one.

[Jake2008]

If you read what you have said, and think about it. For example:

- you kept picking fights
- he gave you so much
- you try to take things back after you say them
- you describe yourself as 'a kid who's innocent, and childish'
- you believed he was yours

He gave, you took. He treated you like a princess, and was forgiving over and over again. While you also say that you tried to change, you didn't. He gave you, himself, and everything you say to describe him, has to do with what he gave you. Nothing about loving him back.

Love is all about compatibility, trust, communication, and putting another person's needs before your own. You assume that because he should have known you 'as a kid who's innocent and childish' that he should simply have let your behaviour go, and understand that you (I guess) can't help yourself, and he should just accept it.

Maybe he needed a more mature person in his life, maybe he kept expecting you would be able to control your behaviour, maybe you took it for granted that the way you treated him, was okay, because he should understand that's just the way you are.

It seems like he took as much as he could, and hoped for the best, but while he needed more substance from you, things didn't change.

It is because you are young that you can learn from this. You can identify how you contributed to the end of the relationship; think about that before you enter into a new one. If you are smart enough to identify the factors that contributed to the end of it, you are smart enough to change them.

[Rize]

Although all of you are right I did contribute to the relationship too it was the best he's had I did really sweet things for him it's just stuff I'd say I didn't know when to stop. I feel sorry for it but when I was completely down now I expected him to be there for me and he tried but me trying and saying I want a chance to prove it (which I've never meant so much in my life before) to give back and show him I'm not like ghat it's just cause I took for granted that he'd stay he still said no. He claims he cares and loves me but I'm not entirely sure about that. I'm still shocked but I guess I can understand.

We do need each other in our lives and so we decided to be genuine friends and I'm not regretting that choice because I do need him too and if we work on ourselves than one day if it's meant to be it will. But there is no ulterior motive to our friendship because were not looking to be friends just to be together again.

Being 19 for the first time in my life I broke down like crazy in the car my mom was so worried. I broke down cause I thought my life was falling apart and my friends and him and my mom and him always talk and their close and he was always there for me so she's thinking my daughter really means it and is trying so much but he doesn't care and it was stunning cause it was in a matter of 2 days that's his feelings just flipped 180.

So when I call him cause I needed to talk to him as a friend even though I didn't want to call I was crying so hard cause my life was falling apart in my eyes (I realized I need him as a friend) but I need to grow as an individual too and not depend on him I just really thought I'd always have him. So I call as my mom is so frustrated seeing me like this and says I've never seen her cry so much why start all this (she'd always say be good grebes first and love blossoms on it's own) and he talks to me and is like almost yelling like you got over your ex what's so hard and all.

That' was shocking cause even a real friend when someone crying should you console them? I'm angry for how quickly he can change how he acts just cause we broke up I never once did that to him it was disrespectful I would always be there. He says if this works out maybe we can learn to be more than friends too like he still cares but doesn't like using wanting him to mislead me into false hope. I just want to be real friends and I'm not going to ask him but one day I do need an apology from him for that to ever truly forgive him.

And I have worked on my apology as well and it honestly was very heartfelt thoughtful and great. I don't want him to give me false hope either while he moves on I want to be smart about this. And careful and I want to be fair too. Cause he knows I'm a sweet caring and kind person like no other but it's just we do need to take a step back and look at everything genuinely and not blinded by feelings or what not.

My mom is angry at the way he spoke to me when I really needed him because up until yesterday she and him still spoke and she thought he was a perfect gentleman. But she says I'm just happy your happy being friends and she said whatever happens, happens but truly get to know someone before you make any choice and she's very unbiased too she tells me if I'm wrong and tells me I cannot drag things out, or it will break one day and she's always told me that. Told me even in the argument how I could have hurt his feelings and all. She's great we all were like family.

There is obvious hope for us but I'm not sure what I want at this point and neither does he so were going to ride it out and genuinely care and be ourselves and work hard. Because I'm not a bad person I just made a few silly mistakes on my behalf but I realize how it could have really hurt him and there is a breaking point. So I need to figure out a lot of things and I'm happy it's not cold turkey where I don't talk to him cause usually that's the best way to get over someone but even I feel like I'm completely fine with my emotions as well just being friends.

Let's see where things go. I'm such a sensitive person that that's why I act on impulsive all my emotions are heightened. But please wish me luck and pray that I stay strong and make good decisions and that I don't get hurt in the process. I really won't be able to take it :/ wish me luck in no matter what I'd just be happy :/

[Jake2008]

Maybe something to learn from all this heartache, is to learn to be stronger, and more dependent yourself, instead of relying so much on one person. Independence and strength come from within, that is not something anyone else can give you but yourself.

While we have all gone through very difficult relationship breakups, marriages, etc. there remains one common denominator to make the next one more successful. That is, to learn from your mistakes, and make better choices.

I would take the 'us' out of your thinking, and replace it with 'me'. Focus on healing- and you will- and standing firm on your own two feet. It is difficult, if not impossible, to change a reltionship, into a friendship. Lean on your girlfriends, and be careful not to confuse, or cross the boundaries of either, into another relationship with your now, ex.

You are strong enough to take it, and you will get hurt. Now, in the future, during relationships, etc, you cannot avoid being hurt. And no one relationship, especially only one, can define your future prospects. Your ex boyfriend was not 'the one', you just presumed he was, and I'm sure that is not a presumption you will make again until you have experienced more independence, under your own steam. To make a judgment about being with one person your whole life, comes with maturity and experience.

There are not many who have also experienced the shock of a relationship suddenly ending without warning. Maybe in retrospect you can see what went wrong, but this doesn't make you entirely responsible. All it really means that in all liklihood, the two of you would have drifted apart anyway.

Don't be too hard on yourself, and realize that millions upon millions of people go through exactly what you are going through now. It is just a part of life.

I would advise you though, that you may be setting yourself up for heartbreak, if you continue to expect him in your life to help you through rough patches, when you are no longer a couple. Being together did not work out in the relationship department, and a lesser version won't leave you to hope that you'll get back together again.

Sometimes the end of a relationship, in any form, simply means the end.

[Homegirl 50]

You know sometimes you can hurt a person who loves you one too many times. When they get tire of it, it does not matter how much they love you, they are done.
It sounds like you are pretty dependent on this guy and he may be tired of that as well.
Don't waste time being angry and disappointed in him, take this time to learn and grow.