[CZW86]

Both threads were merged together for the whole story



So, I'm in a real bind here and need some outside advice. There's a girl who I've been talking to and socially seeing. We've hung out (just the two of us), went out socially, and both admitted that we have strong feelings for each other.

My problem lies in her ex. We started talking as friends shortly after their break up. He's put her through hell and back again. She's told me countless times how he says he's changed and everything will be better a million times and always reverts back to his old ways. I've gone through it with her as a friend twice now.

Now, about a month later, he's telling her how much he's changed and that he's made so many mistakes in the past and has learned from them and wants a second chance. She hasn't come out and said it, but the feeling is there that she's kind of "teetering" on it. I want to tell her that after we've talked to each other about our situations and feelings, that I'm the guy she needs to be with forever.

I'm not a hopeless romantic but I think about her all the time and think about what it would be like with me and her in the future (marriage way down the road lol). How do I tell her that I love her without just coming out and saying he's a pile or seeming like I'm overbearing on the situation?

I really do know that I love her. Just haven't told her yet.

I'm a twenty five year old guy who was married for 5 years and recently am divorced. I left for deployment and when I did she took my house, car, furnishings, kids, and everything in between. I'm still standing but every time I start to get even the smallest sort of "liking" feelings towards a girl, I get cold feet and run.

How do I get over what she did to me so that I can at least have a few friends of the opposite sex and maybe one that's more than a friend someday?

Thank you all for any advice.

[suprazboy]

I am in a similar situation, man. Check out my question on my profile. It has several answers that may help you :)

[talaniman]

Hey guy, sorry for your loss, but the last thing you need is to latch on ,to a female, especially one that's teetering with a so called ex. That's a disaster waiting to happen and would be a rebound for you both if she doesn't go back with him.

I highly advise you to back up, and look at this again, because don't you think its crazy to be in love, and give your heart to a stranger after a few friendly dates??

Naw, as you regroup, and rebuild from your divorce, take the time to heal, and enjoy being single, and get a few things going for yourself like a social life, that makes you happy, with friends, family, and activities that you enjoy. Why, because I think you are a bit hurt and lonely right now, and are just trying to plug the hole in your soul with a quick fix, and trying to fast to get back what you lost.

If I were you, I would be very cautious, and go slow before jumping into anything with any body beyond fun, and friendship. And you already are thinking of marriage and stuff? That's absolutely crazy! You better take your time and ease back into a life routine before you go jumping back into any relationship.

Trust me, you will be glad you waited and got yourself together and took the opportunity to date many, but commit to none for right now.

When you are healthy and strong in mind and soul, you will be ready for a healthy adult relationship when you are ready for another healthy adult. Not one teetering between guys with a lot of baggage to unpack. JUST LIKE YOU DO!!

Thanks for your service, and I wish you luck back in the world. Take care of yourself.

[guiltyx3]

If you have commitment phobic symptoms with every girl but her, then it is definitely serious. Try explaining that to her, because chances are she knows (or has guessed or hoped) that you love her. However, she is clearly hung up on the other guy, simply because they have history and she cannot get over that. Perhaps trying to spend more time with her, and in doing so severing the ties between her and her ex, will help her to make the leap with you.

[Fr_Chuck]

You need to give her space and time to decide what she is going to do with him. At this point, it is just a heart break ready to happen