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shortyb · Nov 19, 2011, 09:26 AM

Is it wrong if my boyfriend/baby daddy and I have been together for 4 years, we live together, we share a car and a phone together, and have a daughter of two years old.

When I first met him he had a rap sheet of issues but I felt I can change them. He has a record but was a manager of a restaurant when we met. He did smoke, he did pop pills, and drink, as did. Then two years in we moved in together, have a baby now, who is 2 and we were happy.

I get uber jealous when he goes out, and being who what when where questioning, when he trust me, and doesn't ask anything until I come home. I want to know is this normal in most relationships?

Also yesterday he was honest with me and told me he was going to a strip club with his friend in the navy who just got home. I didn't mind until he called me at 2 am and told me he was to drunk to drive he would come home if I was OK with it or stay out.

I don't know how to feel about it and I told him to stay at his friends because one it was my dads car he used last night and two because he was honest but I'm bothered by it and don't know if this is at all OK or normal in need of advise and help asap

talaniman · Nov 19, 2011, 12:56 PM

You made your decision, and told him to stay with friends rather than drive. The rest is about living with that decision, and not getting carried away by fear, and worry, and acting impulsively.

Yes its normal to be afraid and worry when a love one is out and about without you, But to explode that fear and concern on him as soon as you can is NOT right, nor should it be normal.

When he gets home, think first before you act or speak, stay cool, calm, and collected, and make sure he eats, and sleeps.

Then you can both be in a better place to talk calmly, without over reacting emotionally. At least that's how my wife dealt with me back in the day, more than 35 years ago. And now we are in the habit of expressing ourselves honestly, and calmly, and set the boundaries of acceptable good behavior between us.

She didn't have to change me! We worked together to change each other. What a difference being able to share and care honestly made, instead of giving in to that urge to yell, scream, question, or call each other dirty names that only fuels the fire of conflict, and BIG emotional disagreements.

I know its hard to control what you honestly feel, but practice make perfect. Start practicing self control. Reward his honesty, and thoughtfulness, with understanding and maybe just maybe, he will stay honest and thoughtful.

shortyb · Nov 21, 2011, 08:43 AM

OK so I wish I would have read this before so he came home at 5 in the am which yes I was furious he told me instantly they went to a different strip club than one he told me so I got mad about that and then I was mad because we share a phone and there was a text on my phone that told his friend to meet him because there are strippers that are hot and they are hoes,. I don't know what to think or do. I went off on him and told him I was done he stayed to himself and told me to talk to him after work so I cn relax and he can rest cause of a hangover. When I got home he told me he would never cheat on me and he said that he was just drunk and ****ed up but nothing happened like that with him so what should I do.. Or should I just drop it at this point because I was at the anger point where I smacked him first time ever and called it quits but his mom was coming into town in a couple hours so kind of the only reason right now I dropped it...

Fr_Chuck · Nov 21, 2011, 09:07 AM

This is normal for drug using drunks with criminal records. Both go out and party with out the other. This was the life ad the life style you choose and chose to have a baby with.

Is this a life style with much of a future ? Is this a life style that grown up mature people do, NO.

talaniman · Nov 21, 2011, 12:15 PM

If you are going to react in anger, and violence, then you will pay more consequences, and solve nothing. It makes things worse. Get under control and THINK of a better, more rational way to communicate, PLEASE.

For sure you cannot continue down this path, and expect good results.

shortyb · Nov 25, 2011, 04:02 PM

OK so now it has been a while we are doing a lot better but his mom is in town right now so I just have bad anxiety for once she leaves and for you and your wife at first how was it when you went out I mean did she not care or not call you at all ?