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krystal23708 · Nov 19, 2011, 07:03 AM

Hello I am a 23 yr old female and I am having a problem with my sex life. I am having trouble nutting every time I have sex. Here's the down fall I work 3rd shift, take care of my 3 yr old son and stress a lot. I love my man a lot but he gets mad at me whenIi don't nut every time we have sex. Some one please help me!

DoulaLC · Nov 19, 2011, 07:43 AM

Hi Krystal23708, welcome to AMHD!

I have to say, talk about pressure! If he gets upset with you for not climaxing that is a concern. Many, if not most, women do not climax every time they have sex. It is perfectly normal. Yes, it is a great part of it, but it is not the only part. Just the intimacy of sharing what you feel for each other in this most private way is what matters most. Maybe you can try to assure him that you are still enjoying the time together even when you don't climax... that you don't feel the need to climax to feel satisfied. Of course, unless you do feel that you need to every time. That is putting a great deal of pressure on yourself.

Have you tried finding out for yourself what works for you? Some couples experiment with different positions and such, often allowing the woman to set the pace more.

The problem is not really that you don't climax every time, it is that he gets mad at you for not doing so. I think he sees it as an indication of his not being able to satisfy you and that makes him feel vulnerable... and he takes it out on you.

Do the two of you talk about what you both like? Does he help you at all with all that you need to get done outside of the bedroom? It sounds as though he is adding to your stress and not helping to relieve you of some of it.

I would sit down with him, outside of the bedroom, and discuss it. He apparently has an incorrect idea that you are required to climax every time. Talk about ways he might be able to help you with the other areas of your life. In turn, when you feel more connected and supported by him, you may find that you do indeed start to have more sex that results in climaxing.

DaniCalifornia · Nov 19, 2011, 12:09 PM

Quoting DoulaLC

The problem is not really that you don't climax every time, it is that he gets mad at you for not doing so. I think he sees it as an indication of his not being able to satisfy you and that makes him feel vulnerable... and he takes it out on you.

Couldn't agree more. The pressure in feeling you HAVE to orgasm, is in itself a problem, and will make it more difficult to. It's the same with blokes! There's been an occasion where I've gotten sore or impatient, yet as I've hinted it to him, it's ended up taking longer.

I wouldn't worry darling. In fact, I've NEVER had an orgasm during sex. I've been doing it manually and externally for about a decade! (Sorry, I know. Younger than most.) But it's only as I don't rate it as highly as the romance, passion, and amount of things done. (exotic positions and foreplay)

He shouldn't get mad. He has no right to! Especially as assumingly that's not the only part he gets pleasure from during sex. If that were the case, he's very restricted when it comes to sexual satisfaction!

X Dani

Xerxes12 · Nov 30, 2011, 11:16 AM

Krystal, There are two issues that I believe you wrote of: the first concern that you are very tired and stressed so when making love with your partner it is harder to focus on the moment and allow yourself to relax and enjoy. The second is that if you do not orgasm, he gets upset.

For the first, I would suggest that you look at a special date night so that you know you aren't working and have child care - this way you can fully give him some attention and not have other concerns upon your mind. There is nothing more challenging than trying to attain an orgasm and counting the minutes until you must get up, shower and get ready for work.

Regarding him getting upset about you not having an orgasm: that may be that he feels he is not performing satisfactorily for you and this makes him sad. But since he's not sure how to handle this feeling, he gets angry. I would suggest you gently let him know you love him and how he "performs" - maybe this will offer him a bit of comfort.

Best wishes, ~X