Ask Experts Questions for FREE Help !
Ask
    Lovemeluv's Avatar
    Lovemeluv Posts: 5, Reputation: 0
    New Member
    		  
    #1

    Nov 18, 2011, 09:58 PM
    Family affair. When do you say no to family regarding lending?
    I love my family and I think that my family is my weakness. However, I am a single mother with two children, I'm content, maintaining, and managing in my finances. Unfortunitely, I have 'older' siblings who often ask to borrow money. I sometimes get frustrated because they ask. It's not as if though do not work, but they seem to always be in need. After letting them borrow, I notice when I want to buy certain things, I can't... I've lend all my extra money out and then find myself needing a loan. How do you say, "no" to these lovable ppl; making yourself not the crutch?
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,503, Reputation: 4600
    Uber Member
    		  
    #2

    Nov 19, 2011, 07:57 AM
    You tell them what you've told us - you're a single mother with two children. You have enough to provide for yourself and the children. When you lend money to other people you DON'T have enough money to provide for yourself and your children.

    Sorry, but no.
    mustngmama06's Avatar
    mustngmama06 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
    		  
    #3

    Nov 27, 2011, 12:23 PM
    Omg I know the feeling. We are just to nice and learn to sy no.. I'm short this week, I have bills to pay and I can't help out. If they don't understand that then they should be ashamed of themselves'
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
    Expert
    		  
    #4

    Nov 27, 2011, 12:26 PM
    Do they borrow the money or do you give them the money. Do they pay it back? If they pay it back, then you should be OK since it is not gone, just coming back latter.

    Do you ask them to sign a loan paper, do you charge interest.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
    		  
    #5

    Nov 27, 2011, 06:51 PM
    Because you are not independently wealthy, and find that loaning out money, means you cannot afford to buy things, as you said, that you normally would, it's time to learn to set some boundaries.

    Keep it simple. "No, I'm sorry, I can't". That's it. You will get a surprised look, maybe a 'why not' question, to which you owe no response, other than to repeat, "No, I'm sorry, I can't".

    It make take time, they may resent it, they may 'punish' you for a time, but anything meaningful between you and your family members who borrow, should pass quickly enough when they respect your decision.

    Don't allow yourself to be bullied, or guilted into lending money. Just stop doing it (if it comes to that). Stick to your guns.
Not your question? Ask your question View similar questions
 

Question Tools Search this Question
Search this Question:

Advanced Search

Add your answer here.


Check out some similar questions!

My family won't stop inviting my bitter ex-wife to family events. [ 10 Answers ]

I've been divorced from my ex-wife for seven years. We have an 18 yr old daughter together. She never wanted a divorce, and is bitter about it to this day. She frequently explodes on me over "what I did to her" and about what a horrible father I am(which I am NOT). She has dated very little and...

Family member will not leave with his family and my mom died and I am the exector. [ 1 Answers ]

Mother died and I am the executor of the will. Brother and family have lived with Mom for six months. This was suppose to be temporary. Mom never wanted him in the house and told the other family members he better not live in my house and under no cicumstances do I want him to live here. Have not...

This is a toughie-it's a family affair. [ 6 Answers ]

Ok, so let's start with some background information on the people involved. My aunt on my dad's side will henceforth be referred to as Aunt D. My aunt and uncle on my mom's side will be Aunt M and Uncle M. Aunt M is my mother's sister and Uncle M married into the family when he married Aunt...

View more questions Search