[wontgiveup]

Sorry about the length, a lot has happened, thank you so much, this is really driving me crazy. I'm a bad speller and appoligise for that
I am in my freshman year of college, and went into this year with a girlfriend who I had been with for over 2 and a half years. We had a great time in high school, and spent every possible minute together. Our last summer was great, we were closer than ever. She didn't want to leave me, and didn't know how she would get through this. She cried for hours evryday the week before she left. Our colleges are about 500 miles apart. We still saw each other about once every 2/3 weeks, and we were both happy. I did make a few mistakes, I smoked weed and told her that I had stopped(I have been smoking the entire relationship, but it really bothers her, I wanted to stop for her, but I am at the worst college for stopping), and I went to a strip club. She was told by a friend, and 5 days before our 3rd aniversy she dumped me. I denied it at first, but then came clean. She refused to talk for a while, I tired to call but she would either pick up and yell or just ignore my call. I could tell I really hirt her, and tried as hard as I could to make it up, about a week later we had thanksgiving vacation. We hadn't talked for a while, but she was all I thought about. I stopped use of all drugs, started AA, and received counsling.
Right before thanksgiving she called, she heard I stopped smoking. She said that she still cared for me, and said that things happen for a reason, and maybe the reason was for me to stop smoking at her exspence. We spent a little time together. Her family is really stressful, so she was having a hard time, by the end of the vacation she called for support, and I helped all I could. She told me I really helped her, and made her week somewhat enjoyable. She wouldn't consider any sort of relationship, but remained friends.
When she went back she stopped talking to me, became angry again. Told me not to call, and let her call me. During the first week, she got drunk with a guy in his room and cuddled and kissed until 4:30am, then she called and told me about it, said she regreted it, and told me that kissing him made her realize we could be friends; the next morning she no longer regreted it and still didn't want me to call her. We hardly talked, most of the time she was drunk when we did. After about two weeks finials came and she asked for help. I did all I could, edited her papers,gave he ideas, helped her study, and gave advice for stress coming from her family. I took things slow, but I was aching inside. She became confertable with talking to me, but wouldn't talk about the relationship.
Origionally she was going to stay there for xmas break, but for she came home to make money. We saw each other the first day back, and hung out every day for a week until xmass- she visited relatives. I snuck a few present in her car, and did everything I could to make her smile. She came home the night before new years, and wanted me to come over for NY eve. I worked late, after midnight, I took dozens of extra balloons and went over, she was tired but we had a great night.
The next day I kissed her, she was hesident at first, but then smothered me in kisses, I was the happiest I had been in weeks, and didn't push for anyting, but she wanted to go further. We spent every day together for 15days, kissed all the time, told each other how much we loved each other. I did everything I could to make her happy, except one thing.
I had been clean for over 45 days(I huge improvement since I smoked everyday for 2 years), but one night when I was with my friends I gave in. I smoked three times, and drank once. The day before I was supposed to leave I told her, she was very upset. She said she couldn't trust me. She wanted to leave, but she it was a blizaard and she had already planned on spending the night. I gave her space, didn't try to talk about anything,told her I was sorry. That night she tole me she knew I was sorry,- that I made her that happiest she had ever been in her life over that vacation. She couldn't go out with-she didn't trust me. She said if I kept working hard things could work out. I stayed an extra day, and stayed up all night cutting out faces of us and friends and taped them a calendar of her favorite TV characters. She loved it, and was sad when she left.
We went back on the same day, and once again she drastically changed that night, she didn't want to talk to me, said going back gave her a wider perspective. We hardly talked, it really got to me. When I told her it only pushed her away. I decided I would write her a letter every night. Then she didn't call, or respond to any calls or texts, for 2days. I felt like , couldn't do work. I was with my friends and broke down, and smoked. She called later, we talked for a bit-she seemed annoyed. I asked her if I could come visit, she said she would think about it. She asked if I smoked, I said no. I felt like that night, I went to AA the next mornig(I had been going 2/3 times a week) and joined Marijuana anymous. I knew I had to tell her, she called that afternoon, but said she was tired and tooking a nap, but quickly added I could come. I was so excited I got the tickets, but feared telling her. I thought it would be OK since it was only a day, but she flipped. She said that was it, she didn't want to waste time on me. She told me not to call, that it was done. I hit bottem again, but didn't smoke. I didn't contact her until Sunday, I sent her an email. I called the next morning, she didn't pick up, but called a few hours later. We talked, but didn't mention the issue other than when I appoligized. We continued to talk, and Thursday I asked her if I could still come, she said she didn't know, she told me she was hanging out with a guy that night. But on Friday mornig she said I could
I did want to push anything. When I got there I set a bed up for me, we had always shared in that past. That night she got drunk. We were dancing, and she was having a good time. She went to kiss me, but stopped. Later I kissed her, she kissed back but quickly stopped. Then she wanted to leave, and said goodbye to her friends. We went back to her room, and she wanted to go to bad. She told me to sleep with her, she kissed me, she rubbed her body with my hands. I wouldn't have gone further, I didn't want to ruin any type of friendship we had. Luckly one of her roommates came, and we slept. The next morning she didn't want to kiss me anymore, and said she was really drunk last night. I didn't let it ruin the day, and we had a blast, went to a broadway show, had dinner spent time in the city. She hugged me, and I gave her some gifts I brought. I offered to pay for her to come visit me, she said she couldn't because of rehearsal, but that she wanted me to come back. That night I went to go to sleep in the bed I had made for myself, but she wanted me with her again. We just cuddled, I was very happy. The next day was great as well, we laughed, hugged, went to the city. I gave her an iPod I got with my computer but hadn't used yet, she had been begging everyone for one for xmass and for the longest time before that. She was speachless. She had me sleep in her bed again, and told me that she would always remember this weekend.
I let my emotions get the best of me, asked her about a relationship, she said she couldn't trust me, and that she had given up on that. I asked what I could do to work on the trust, I offered to take a drug test evertime I saw her, she became annoyed. I was sad, and the next morning I asked about it again, told her I was scared that we would dirft appart(she had been talking to that guy she hung out on the phone the night before, she said there her just friends, but the way she described him made me feel like she had feelings for him) li left on kind of a bad note. This was last weekend, she was real busy at the begging of the week, and only called for a few minutes on Monday. I didn't understand, and this made me very uspet, she had no interest to talk to me. I called her on Tuesday, but she didn't respond until way later when she said she didn't have time because she was going to be hanging out with that guy. I became jelous, and asked about our relationship again. She said that it is too stressfull to talk about it, and too stressfull to talk to me anymore. She told me not to call, she wanted space. Last night she called and was angry. I had talked to my sister about the weekend, and she felt like she was playing with my feelings. I guess she found out about that. She said this weekend was a bad idea, that I shouldn't have come. She thinks my family hates her, and she no longer wants to be part of it. She said she gets upset every time we talk and she wants me out of her life. She said that until I loose feelings for her, we can't talk.
She would explain much, and talked for less than 5 minutes, I tried to have her stay on the phone, but she hung up. This tears me apart, I don't know what to do. I don't want to push her away anymore, ill respect that she wants space, but I feel that if I don't call she will think I have given up. We were so happy just last weekend, but now she seems to hate me. I haven't attempted to contact her since, it has only been a dday but it is driving me crazy. I know I have made mistakes, and I take responcibility for them, I am trying as hard as I can to fix them. I know in my heart I love her, and want to make her as happy as possible.
Thanks so much for reading this, any advice is great.
How long I should wait, what should be my next step.
There was once intense love in this reationship, but it is gone. Ill do everything to help it come back, but ill also respect her and her wishes for space.
Please help, I am a wreck, I can't make sense of anything

[LBP]

To hell with her, man. She likes taking your stuff and giving you nothing back. I'm sure you screwed up a bit, but if you're trying as hard as you say you are then the least damn thing she can do is be civil with you.

But she's a young girl who's afraid of her problems, as so many are. The more you press her the more she's going to hate you and there won't be any logical 'weighing the good against the bad' kind of thing. She will simply look at you, remember the last time you spoke (that it stunk), and judge everything from there. You've lost! You had your chance and you blew it. Was there anything you could do? Maybe not. But it's time to delete her number, delete her AIM, delete her emails and walk the hell away and FAST. Start looking at what you can learn from all this, not what you might be able to scrape together from the past.

It'll suck for a long time, but you'll be happier before too long, trust me.

And if she starts to call you, don't answer that phone! Not for a while, not for a long while. You don't need her to be happy!

[justmyluck]

I feel for you so bad, and you sound so very sad. You sound like a very caring person that has had his fair share of problems, but are tough enough to spot your downfalls and deal with them. Most people can't do that, they see they have a problem and stick to it.

This girl does need space though, its obvious that she needs to think about what she is doing and what she wants from you. If she does want to be with you, let her come to you, and then you decide how you want to go from there. Don't keep running to her, she will keep on doing the same thing to you, she needs to know she can't mess you around.

I asked my ex to stay away while I sorted out my head, at first he constantly bugged me with calls and visiting. This made me hate the sight of him for a while, so I became angry with him and told him to stay away for good. I didn't really mean it badly, but I really did need time to sort my head out. He stayed away for a while, and when I was ready I went to him. Lukily he still loved me just as much, and understood.

Good luck with everything, I hope it works out well for you, and well done for all you have achieved by yourself.

Love and wishes xx

[talaniman]

You are so hurting yourself here by always trying to please her only to be pushed back. When are you going to realise that you pour so much love on her your not loving or respecting yourself at all. This is unhealthy, and you running back willing to take her immature crap is to tell the truth disgusting. I really think you should give her what she wants and leave her alone and accept that you need to work on your own problems, and for a fact she is one of them. Do not contact her, and do not return her calls, tell her do not contact you. You need to get a life that you enjoy that does not include her, or her problems and honestly look at the person you have allowed her to make of you. Not healthy. Cry if you must, but until you find yourself this female will run over you some more, and shove your love for her up your own azz. Sorry to be blunt but I can tell you are lost, miserable, and confused, and you need to find your self and love yourself. Love does not make you stupid, and miserable so what you have is not love, but master and slave so break the cycle, and have no further contact with this girl and heal and get healthy. Hard work and time is all you need, as well as a commitment to love yourself. Stay clean and sober and keep coming back.
Check this out https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...tml#post281665

[Dukes_Law]

You sound like a good person bro, and that's admirable. But sometimes you just have to let go. Not a really easy thing to do obviously... but maybe you could treat it like one of your 12 steps of letting her go. A friend of mine has been through AA and all that stuff, and he's doing really well. Perhaps applying some of your lessons from those meetings will help you out. Don't give up on yourself. She may have feelings for you still, but it's impossible to expect her to behave rationally with you. There are too many burnt bridges to repair, and you may just be better off starting over somewhere else. I probably wouldn't be able to take this advice myself, but if you can, hopefully it will help.

[Wildcat21]

Hey Dude,

Sorry I ddin't get back to you sooner - that was one hell of a long post. And I've been busy with many other things.

FIRST - and you know this... QUIT the pot!! Quit it for good. No more going back. It's worthless. It's a huge waste of money. Nothing good becomes of it. If you have to QUIT hanging with those friends.

I am thinking you shouldn't go back to this gal. Give it a LONG break - like 3 month - no contact. Date other gals at school.

See - I think you should get back together someone if there was cheating, lies, drugs alcohol abuse, abuse - verbal or physical. You had a ocuple of those.

Long distnace college relationships are IMPOSSIBLE!! I wouldn't wish that on anyone!!

You can't lie to someone about anything if you love them. It doesn't work.

No more gifts!! Gifts should be sparse - few and far between. Too many gifts shows you're a doormat, you are there for her too much, you would do anything to be with her - that's movie stuff - not reality.

My advise is to forget her TOTALLY - until the summer. Date other women NOW!

Stay sober - quit those friends if they can't - it's such a waste!! Believe me from someone who knows.

AND - I think you did WAY too much to try nad please this gal. For get that - she PLAYS you.

This gal is a REAL drama queen - go find a cool girl you can deal with nad hang out with out all the drama.

[Marily]

I think because she knows how you feel, she thinks that she can do with you whatever she wants. Stay away from her, don't call and when she finally call you tell her how she is messing with your feelings, don't put your happines in other peoples hands it will ruin you