[Xsweetie]

Hello, I just found this site. My boyfriend and I are both 20. We've been together for over 2 years now. Sex with him is amazing. But our sex life has slowed down a lot lately. We used to have sex every other day. Now we have it once every 2 or 3 weeks! I'm always the one to get him into the mood. I know he recently started a new job. I try to be understanding that work can be stressful... But I don't know what to do. We've talked about it and he says he's tired from work and that "our relationship is at a place where we still enjoy each other without sex" Although that may be true, I want sex. I try to back off and not mention it but he still never wants to have sex! Is that wrong of me? What should I do? I'm starting to feel really insecure with myself and our relationship.

[Cat1864]

If he just started a new job, it may take a few months before he is used to the schedule and stresses. It isn't uncommon for couples to have periods where sex slows down or even stops when one or both parters are stressed or exhausted mentally and physically. Nothing to be insecure about especially if he is looking for companionship and affection even if it doesn't lead to sex.

One of the usual questions to ask is do you show him affection when you aren't attempting to make it lead to sex? Keep in mind that pressure to have sex (he could be putting pressure on himself, too) can cause a person to back off and not want want it.

Do you usually try to get him in the mood when you have a fairly good idea that he is going to be tired such as after work or before bedtime? Talk to him and see if maybe trying for sex in the morning/before work might be better.

Give him some time to adjust. Use this time to work on other ways to communicate love and affection and intimacy. Try just relaxing together and enjoying being together with no expectations of intercourse. Spend time together letting the world go by and build up a fantasy world for just the two of you. Don't allow insecurity to cause you to unconsciously put pressure on him.

Good luck.

[KissleeSnow]

This same situation happened to me once girl. It really was not a pleasant time in my life because I loved him very much and didn't want to loose him. We had no sex life hardly after a couple years. Just like you said maybe once a month, maybe twice if I was lucky. He never proceeds it, I always had to. In my situation hun, are relationsip had ended. I took a huge look at it, realized we had both moved on from everything including sex. Lets just say this, he wasn't interested in me sexually anymore. He was bored with me. Guys at such a young age can loose interest very easily, and that's what it sounds like happened. He is trying very hard to make it easy for you. Because he cares for you, and doesn't want to hurt you. Honestly he isn't quite sure what to do about the situation. And its very hard to just bring it up to him, because most men have a hard time with confrontation about feelings and sex. When its in relationships. Especially when something isn't going exactly right. I don't think he is cheating. So don't be insecure. It really isn't you, it happens everyday to millions of people. So cheer up, and just take a real good second look around your relationship. Maybe there is something you aren't seeing that is right there in front of you. Maybe there isn't anything and it is just a phaze right now because he is tired from his new job. I have seen that before too. It could be stress or lack of interest in sex at the moment because he has a lot on his mind. My advice, talk to him about it but easily and casually. Don't be angry or get emotional. Be cool about it, and you might just be surprised in what you find. GoodLuck! I wish the best for you and him!

[Xsweetie]

Because of our schedules we can't have sex in the mornings. I usually try to get him in the mood on his days off. But all he seems to want to do is play online games. When I try and sacrifice the time I have to spend more time with him. I honestly don't pressure him, I don't want to push him away. But thank you both for your advice :)