[conorA]

So there is a girl I met about 2 months ago. She has a boyfriend who has kind of been on and off, but they have been going steady for 8 months or so now. He is in high school at her old school, while she is a freshman at the same college I'm in.

We started hanging out a lot a month or so ago and started going out to parties and stuff together. She knows I like her and has told me that she has feelings for me too. Sometimes when we go out, she talks about how much she wants to kiss me, but I never let it happen because I know she would regret it considering she is not single.

We have talked about it before and she knows that this situation is not fair to me and has even cried over it, but she says that she has been with her boyfriend for so long that it's hard to just break it off even though she knows I would treat her better than he does, but she is just confused.


She and her boyfriend were not doing too well for a while because he was ignoring her for 3 days or so, but she went back home a couple days ago, and I'm pretty sure they are good now. Every time I go to their dorm, though, she is flirty and wants to cuddle. She went home again this weekend and told me that she would talk to me Sunday -- I'm guessing because she doesn't want me trying to talk to her around her boyfriend.

Anyway, this whole situation is killing me. I don't know what else to do because I really like her, but then sometimes I feel like I'm just wasting my time and that she is playing me. Does anyone know what I should do?

[DoulaLC]

Hi conorA... welcome to AMHD,

You are playing with fire by spending so much time with someone that you know is not available to you. Until she makes a decision of what she wants, best to stir clear of her.

Certainly you can remain friendly, but avoid the flirting and cuddling. Keep it strictly on a friends only basis. If that is simply not going to be possible for either of you, then let her know she can contact you when/if she becomes single. Who knows, by then you may have met someone else you would like to get to know better who isn't still tied to another guy.

She says she knows that she is not being fair to you, but she is also not being fair to her boyfriend... who likely is trusting her (consider what it would be like to be him knowing what you do). Right now you are close by, so it is convenient. She really needs to make up her mind. Give her the time and space to do so.

IF all of you are fine with more casual dating, and no exclusive commitments, then fine, after all that is what dating is for... to get to know different people. However, if you want something more, she has shown that she is not ready to give that to a relationship.

Guard your heart from getting more involved until things are resolved.

[talaniman]

If she can kiss and cuddle you behind her boyfriends back, she can kiss and cuddle another guy behind YOUR back, DUUH!

If her being confused is a good excuse now, then she will use it again.

Being confused is no excuse for bad behavior, of the lying, cheating kind.

Not even for just friends.