[rockbottomtohell]

How do I tell someone when I don't want anyone to know but I know I need help that I'm 99% sure I have A) Bi-Polar Disorder or B) Mania, Depression (I'm aware they're completely opposite and most likely not possible to have at the same time) and Borderline Personality Disorder, and also say that you're being emotionally abused by your parents who are divorced and both of which are completely oblivious to that fact? I'm on a rocky path as it is, and I know I can't afford it to get rockier.

[RubyPitbull]

How old are you? Are you still in school?

[shygrneyzs]

You can be 99%b sure of most anything these days and be wrong. Any advice you get here will tell you that the ONLY way to know for sure is to seek professional help. By that I mean your doctor who will refer you to a psychitrist, who will make the diagnosis and prescribe treatment. I really hope you do that so that you can quit agonizing, quit stressing, and get on a healthy track of mind.

Have you read much about these illnesses? A good site to find correct information is from the National Institute of Mental Health - NIMH: National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) Home Page

Perhaps your state also has a mental health hotline - sponsored by your state's mental health association. That you can call and ask and they can make a referral.

You sound like you are still a minor, but you can still get some solid information. And please ask for your parent's intervention on your behalf. If you cannot do that, seek someone who can. Perhaps a school nurse/social worker/counselor, priest or minister, someone who you can trust and can help you.

Best of all to you.

[RubyPitbull]

Rockbottomtohell, I just read one of your earlier postings, so I know you are 14. I also read about your parents.

For 14, you have an amazing insight into human nature. You actually have a very good and logical head on your shoulders.

What your mother is doing to you is abusive. Instead of treating you like her child, she is treating you as her "friend" and taking out her frustrations on you. YOU are not the one with the psychological issues. However, her behavior is stressing you out and depressing you. I, for one, understand why you are so depressed.

You have pretty much negated the counselor idea in your previous posting. Not wise, my friend. You need some help with this from an objective adult. You have a very heavy load on your shoulders that should not be there and you need help dealing with this. You need someone to intervene on your behalf.

Go to your school nurse, a teacher, or a religious figure in your life that you trust and admire. Ask her/him if they could spare a few minutes for you. You MUST tell them what you are going through. You need to ask for help. You need to start working with someone other than your relatives, possibly a child psychologist. The school system or your church/synagogue will help you with this. You cannot do this on your own. I will repeat myself here -- you are very smart, insightful and you are not losing your mind. You are not suffering from any of the mental disorders you have mentioned. Believe it or not, you are the stable one. When you start getting some help, it will inevitably lead to your mother getting some seriously needed intervention, which she requires. Please listen to me and do as I advise. I am trying to yell at you through my computer screen. YOU ARE A GOOD AND SMART KID. YOU NEED SOMEONE THAT YOU KNOW TO HELP YOU. YOU ARE NOT LOSING YOUR MIND. YOU ARE NOT MENTALLY ILL.
Please let us know when you have taken that first step. We will be here for you.

[rockbottomtohell]

Thank you so much. Thank you for believing in me and telling me all of this. The only reason I refuse medical help is, truth be told, I'm scared to death of what they might tell me, or what they might do, or my mother's reaction, if she'll play the guilt trip by saying I lied to her, the look in her eyes, everything. What I want to know is there any way to be rid of this fear? Thank you again so much, I'll admit I cried with tears of joy after reading that last post, you guys really do help! Believe you, me, if I could give you hugs I would over and over!

[RubyPitbull]

I know. I was sending you hugs as I was yelling at you. :)

Okay. So if you are still unsure, let's talk this through and see if we can't figure out what your best options are.

Tell me, what you are afraid of being told if you get medical help? Explain why your mother will play the guilt trip by saying you lied to her. Lied to her about what? Tell me all the things you are afraid of happening, worse case scenarios, so we can break this down one by one and see if I can't help you figure out a plan of action.

Rockbottomtohell, look at your signature line here that you created for yourself. You need to read it again. It is obvious to me that you wrote that for a reason. You need to read that and explain what compelled you to write that.

I may not answer immediately but I will be looking for your posting when I am online. I will be here for as long as you need me to. :)

[rockbottomtohell]

First of all, thanks again for all of your help. What I'm afraid of being told when I get medical help is "Your mother needs to know" or "Your grandparents need to know." Obviously I don't want my mother to know, but my grandparents (I see them everyday while my mother works) I don't want to hurt them, they're under enough stress, and my grandfather is already on stress and living borrowed time. My mother will play the guilt trip because she always does. She says I lie to her just because I don't cry in front of her, well number one, I don't cry in front of anyone, and number two, she thinks I need to tell her every little thing that goes on in my life, but if it's not what she wants to hear when I tell her, she tries to fix it and does it so it doesn't really benefit me (ie. I "cried" to her, and easily finding the topic of my father, but didn't want to talk to him again, and stated that clearly, the next day, "Hi, sweetheart, it's your dad!" She would've been in trouble if I was a violent or angry person) So basically, if I didn't tellk her this before, she'll get mad that I didn't tell her and turn it around so it's 'poor mother dear' again, and 'mother's hurt, you hurt mother's feelings' (She doesn't really talk like that) The worst case scenario, my mother has to find out with me within a mile, or during a rare event that my phone is actually turned on. She'd also tell my grandparents, and that could kill my grandfather, probably quite literally. He has heart problems and an oxygen tank, high blood pressure, and diabetes. So you get the point, right? I know this isn't impossible but there are just some people I'd rather not hurt. My school nurse is a ditz, but I love my guidance counselor, but I don't know what she'd do. My cousin Jessica has a 42 year old boyfriend who's my idol, he is just such a great person, and has adorable children, (both of which love me to bits) I just have a lot of phobias, I guess. Thank you for your help, and I'm sorry for putting up so many barriers.

[RubyPitbull]

Don't apologize for putting up barriers Rockbottom. These really aren't obstacles that can't be overcome. I told you to reread your signature:

What feels impossible, is only impossible if you make it that way.

Be Prepared! :) I am going to keep coming back to that and referring to it. You are allowing your fears to guide you in this. This is not an impossible situation. You are afraid of retribution. You are afraid that your family will ask you a bunch of questions, make you feel guilty, and generally put you in a position that will create further stress on you because you think you won't know how to answer them. Perfectly normal.

First let's talk about your grandfather. It is the easier of the two. He may have health issues. Why would you think knowing that you went for help to sort stuff out would kill him? You are not giving your grandfather enough credit here. If you spend as much time with your grandparents as you say you do, I can guarantee that both of them know that you are not happy. They would rather see you get help than find you doing drugs, running away or killing yourself. Yes, I know you have had thoughts of suicide. The only thing I am going to say to you is something you already know. It doesn't solve anything and is a very selfish act. The grief your grandfather would feel over that could possibly kill him. Not the solution.

Next, your mother. She doesn't recognize that what she is doing is damaging you. If you have another person to go to, that person is your outlet. They can, and depending on your mother's reaction, they WILL, physically and verbally intervene for you. But, in this case, I can guarantee you that your mother will not find out until you are ready to tell her.

The best person to go to here would be your guidance counselor. As much as you idolize your cousin's boyfriend, he could slip up and say something that would get back to your mother. And, that is the whole point of this discussion isn't it? We cannot let your mother know (until you feel you want to tell her on your own).

I understand you do not want anyone to know. You need to have a talk with your guidance counselor. Tell her that you need some help and that you are expecting her to not discuss this with your family because they are the source of your problem. BELIEVE ME, she will understand that and will not go running to your mother. In fact, she will be thrilled that you like her enough and trust her enough to have come to her with your problems. She views her job as one where she is there for the children, not the parents. Just tell her that you are afraid of your mother's reaction and it will make the situation at home much worse for you. She views her job as a protector and you will be very pleasantly surprised at how much she wants to help you and be the keeper of your secrets.

The school can accommodate you by adjusting your schedule to see a therapist at school. That therapist also, will not tell your mother. Both your guidance counselor and the therapist she recommends have seen this all before. You are not the only teenager to be going through this. I can tell you from experience that at least 50% of the kids you go to school with are going through problems at home, the percentage is probably actually higher. When people say, I come from a dysfunctional family, they think they are the only ones. Newsflash, we all come from dysfunctional families to one degree or another. This is just one of those things you learn as you get older. Your guidance counselor and therapists know this as fact. They are used to it and know how to handle things and keep it quiet. They will give you the verbal tools you need to be able to handle your mother and be able to think things through properly so that you can cope with life in a positive way. Please believe me. I have been there. Therapists have a legal responsibility to keep your conversations with them private. They can lose their license to practice if they betray your confidence.

So, if you are still unsure, reread this posting. Then, come back to me with any other questions or more specific problems that you are concerned with, and I will be happy to answer them as best as I know how. You can fight with me, argue with me, yell at me here,. It is okay. I can take it. Just know that I am going to do everything I can to help you and by the end of all of these discussions, you will know what it is that you want and how to go about getting it. :)

[rockbottomtohell]

I will honestly give you my exact thoughts as I read this. With my lip quivering, and eyes watering, I thought "Holy crap, this is really scary!" I'm not mad. I appreciate it in full, I'm just scared have way to hell! How would I go about talking to her casually? I don't want to be one of those kids who goes to tell the secretary "I need to talk to my guidance counselor" in that scared, yet creepy voice. Is there any way to do this without that or any way to work up the courage? I admit, for this subject, I am a coward, a complete coward. Oh, and no one realizes I'm sad, I in the drama club, and am really good at a poker face, and fake smile. No one knows, my grandparents still tell me how wonderful a mother my mom is. Thank you for helping me, I obviously cannot thank you enough for what your doing. The only thing I have left to say is, I really need a hug!

[rockbottomtohell]

I just found out she has an email account associated with the school, how about sending an anonymous email? Push send with my eyes closed, and tell her it's me when I'm good and ready? Or is that a bad idea?

[RubyPitbull]

Sweetie, I was just writing this long drawn out thing and was about to post when I saw your second posting.

The email account is an excellent idea! Is there any chance that your mother will look through your e-mails? If so, then I would send the following and delete it after you send it so she doesn't see it. When you receive a reply, delete that when you are comfortable with deleting it. As long as your Mom doesn't see it.

What I would suggest is that you send your G.C. an email telling her that you need to set up an appointment with her to talk about a personal problem. Tell her that you don't want your family to know that you are coming in to speak with her because it is a problem you are having with your family. If they find out, you will get into big trouble. So, please keep this confidential. Tell her that you are turning to her because you trust her and hope she will be able to help and give you guidance and that you know that she won't betray your confidence.

You can reword it but you get the idea. How does that sound?

[RubyPitbull]

Look, I know this is scary. You know you don't have to do this at this exact moment. Take your time and give this some thought over the next few days if you want to. Thinking things through before we act allows us to make the right decisions and control the difficult choices in the difficult situations we find ourselves in during our lifetime. We can play out the all the scenarios in our mind ahead of time to guarantee the objective we are trying to accomplish. Let me know if this doesn't make sense and I will try to explain it better.

[KaishaJayne]

If doctors know that you can't talk to family members about this, then I don't think they will advise you too. If you really truly think you have those, then please let someone diagnose them for you, not the other way round. Trying talking to a professional body about everything that's on your mind, it may help

[rockbottomtohell]

Thanks, you all have given me some wonderful advice.