[beingconfused]

The girl I have been dating for the past few months has decided to "take some space". She says that it is because she needs to love herself more and find inner peace before she can devote herself fully to someone. Let me give you some background on her...

She has been in some very bad relationships that have all ended badly for her. She been cussed, hit, verbally beat down, and never really respected in the relationship. She takes meds because she talks about how she thinks she is depressed. The signs are there that she is suffering from something, but she is yet to seek professional help... only medication. She also works a high stressed job that exposes her to other people's problems, so she is always having to feel like the caregiver.

When we first started dating everything was fine and things were fun. There were hints that she was struggling with something because she would say that she is a mess and that I shouldn't get involved. She would be okay one day and then the next she would feel like her world was crashing down. I took it as normal girl issues and just offered some words of support. However, recently things got worse which ended with us "taking some space."

She wanted to take some time away about 2 weeks ago so we agreed to stop seeing one another so much. Then by the weekend she was texting me to be with her, and that she knows what she wants, and that I make her happy. Then on Monday she says that her head is cloudy and that she is confused. She really wants to commit herself to me (her exact words) but says she can't be for me what I deserve. She says she needs time to heal and try to figure out how to be happy on her own. She says she cares so much about me, but needs to figure out how to be stable on her own. She has always relied on a guy for her support, but the problem with that was all the guys that she leaned on for support didn't have her best intentions in mind.

She says over and over that I am the kind of guy she can picture herself with, and that nobody has ever treated her the way I do. She says those things but then gets confused and conflicted and says she just doesn't think she is ready for a relationship like ours just yet. She asked for me to be patient and maybe she could let her guard down some. She says she struggles with the physical part of intimacy because of her past relationships and her possible depression. She says she is not ready to let me in and learn more about her, and that she needs some time to be on her own.

So I am wondering if she is really struggling with something deeper than just normal girl issues, and if she is sincere about her feelings for me or is she just trying to let me down gently. Since this latest request for "space" I have not contacted her at all. I don't want to pressure anything on her, but I'm not sure how to go about it. Should I reach out via email and check in with her, or should I just stay away?

[Wondergirl]

She feels "not good enough" for you. Committed couples work together to solve their individual and couple problems, but don't "take breaks" from each other.

How does she propose to get her act together? What does she plan to do about herself?

[talaniman]

Yes she has deeper issues and needs to resolve them on her own, so let her, and enjoy your life without her.

Maybe she ends her confusion, maybe it takes years. For sure, you add to the problem right now, so leave her alone.

[vanheart]

If she's not ready, then she's not ready.

Respect that.

Let her do what she needs to do. And you move on without expectations.

If & when she is ready, you'll know. If not, you will be long gone.

Better thatn than forcing something that isn't right. Timing is everything.