[caityjade32]

I am nineteen years old and my fiancŽ is twenty four. When we first got together we had sex all the time. Now we will go weeks to months without it. I had a baby six months ago. I know that your body changes with it and I'm trying to lose the weight as fast as I can. We stopped having sex when I was about seven months pregnant. I understood then because he was scared of hurting the baby or whatever, but what is his excuse now?

He first told me he was just really tired, and I guess that makes sense cause he works nights. And then he started telling me he just didn't want to have sex with me cause my son sleeps in his crib in our room. So I just said okay. And now he said my sex is boring.

With the being to tired part, I don't understand cause he won't do anything in the morning and he stays up till like one or two am. And I have found a lot of porn on his phone. And even if our son is in the room that doesn't mean we can't have fun sex like in the kitchen or living room or whatever, but he won't. And with my sex being boring, I have tried everything from suggesting toys in the bedroom, mutual masturbation, to anal. And nothing has worked.

I go to sleep crying a lot and feeling very unwanted. When I try to talk to him about it he blows up and freaks out saying that I try to make the whole relationship about sex. And when we finally do have sex it feels so unattached. There is nothing there. His eyes are always closed, no kisses, no smacking of the ***, always the same position. I mean I try to be pretty but what can a girl do?

I don't want to dump him because we do have a baby together and I would move out of state back to my family which I know he would take me to court over. And I don't want that. And other than that I know that everyone is going to tell me to leave or whatever, but he is wonderful to me... sort of... every other way. I don't want to just call it quits... What should I do?

[DoulaLC]

This is an issue you are going to need to talk about. Without some sort of compromise, you will continue to be frustrated, confused, and hurt by his lack of interest.

When you bring up the subject, is it after sex? Have you tried making a specific time when you can talk about it... perhaps a time when someone else can be watching your son, no one has to go to work soon, etc.

Has there been other stressful things going on? Change in job, loss of job, diminish in household income, illness, stress regarding relatives, etc?

Has his interest in other areas diminished, such has hanging out with friends, spending time with other family members, hobbies?

Let him know how much you love him and want to reconnect with him, including physically. Acknowledge the stresses of having a young baby. But also let him know how his lack of interest is confusing to you. Does he want to have a more active sex life? If he is truly content with how things are? See if he would be willing to work with you to improve the relationship and be willing to compromise with you on frequency.
Would he be open to counseling with you if the two of you don't feel you can reach a conclusion where you both can be happy?

In the end, if he doesn't have the interest, doesn't see a need for making some changes as well, and you decide you need more from a relationship, you may indeed have to consider the alternative.