Check out some similar questions!

estranged · Oct 20, 2011, 05:05 PM

All started 2 and half years ago when we learned that my husband's eldest brother had sexual relations with my sister when she was only 13 and he was 20. My husband had always looked up to him and learning something like this made him sick. The thing is, I grew up without a father and we had a very tough life. My sister was craving attention from him. We thought he meant well and never knew this was happening.

She suffers from depression and has always blamed herself. She is on heavy medication. When I married my husband, my sister was always scared I would find out what had happened, so her depression worsened. Meanwhile, my husband's brother has always treated me like crap, and I was never sure what I had done to upset him. Anyway, I got used to his ignoring me at parties etc. being rude to me on and off, etc.

When we learned about this [sexual abuse] and confronted him, he got the whole family together and everyone, including my MIL and father-in-law, my other brother-in-law, etc. all sided with him and said it was no big deal what he did. She was 13 and knew what she was doing, and we were breaking up the family. This got us very depressed, and because there was a lot of screaming etc. during this showdown, my son who was 3 became very upset. No one seemed to care about that because everyone continued, even though I kept begging them to stop.

My MIL accused me of breaking up the family. I have always been very bad at fighting back and when this came out, I told my sister she should not feel bad when she started feeling suicidal and I had to convince her that she was only a child, that he was at fault.

It's been 2 and half years since all this. My son was not invited for his cousin's birthday party. I had a baby girl 9 months ago whom they did not see (only my MIL and FIL came to the hospital the day she was born, after which did not see her). I have invited them for my sons birthdays, but no one turned up. My own family lives overseas, so I have no one here.

I had one miscarriage a year ago due to all this stress, and the only friend I have is called by my brother-in-law's wife, telling her to break off ties with me. My friends don't know the reason why we don't talk. How to deal with this? We decided to move away to be closer to my family. Do I let my in-laws know before we do so? We just want to live our lives normally. I want my kids to feel loved and not be punished for something they did not do.

Also, my sis has gone for counseling and is doing much better. She has also told her husband who has been very supportive of her. Thank you for any suggestions you might have.

joypulv · Oct 20, 2011, 05:25 PM

Let them know you are moving? WHY WHY WHY? The don't even come see your baby.
Your sister should PRESS CHARGES. Stop letting this family circle the wagons around the child molester.

joypulv · Oct 20, 2011, 05:28 PM

And don't fall for all the arguments about how she knew what she was doing - she didn't because she was THIRTEEN, and even if she was needy and looking for a father figure is no excuse for an adult man to take advantage of that. The law says so, and this isn't a 17 year old and an 18 year old. This is child rape, no matter how it happened.

estranged · Oct 20, 2011, 05:34 PM

I am too scared about another showdown in front of my kids we feel very attacked.just thinking about it gets me all worked up.no one sees anything wrong with what he did he says he would have eventually married my sis so his intentions were good.I know it feels very unbelieveable that only me and my husband think its so sickening what he did but no one else in the family seems to think so.

0rphan · Oct 23, 2011, 01:46 PM

Hello estranged,

No I wouldn't tell them at all,after everything that has happened to your family and the fact that they couldn't even bother to come and see your babies,that is unforgivable.

Yours sister should make charges,he should not be allowed to do this to some one else,it's only by her speaking up that this will stop.

If the family harass you again... make charges toward them, they cannot do this,don't allow this to happen again.

You have your own family that loves you concentrate on them and be happy.