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khales1127 · Oct 18, 2011, 11:18 AM

I and 8 months pregnant. My baby father and I haven't been together since I was 8wks. I never thought he and I would be like we are now he denies that she is his. He tells me he hate everyday. I kind of feel like he treats me this way because he wants his ex back.he has told me he don't wan to be a part of her birth so I'm not putting him on her birth certificate. So recently he's been threatening me with joint custody I don't have a problem with him seeing her but I want her at home with me at night. Because I don't trust his because of his past he has 3 felony drug charges ; a charge for rioting and he's just irresponsible. I know of him still selling drugs but the cops have not caught him again yet. I just want to k or is there any chance of him getting shared custody we are in Florida.

kcomissiong · Oct 18, 2011, 11:34 AM

First, you can't just put him on the birth certificate. I don't know your location but in many places, unless there is an assumption of paternity through marriage or acknowledgment of paternity, in writing, by the father, the father will not be listed. That is pretty standard procedure when a child is born out of wedlock. Instead of waiting for him to do this as part of a custody petition, you should initiate it as a part of your child support petition.

Second, he doesn't get shared custody just because he tell you that he wants it. It is rare to get overnight visits with a newborn baby, especially one that is nursing. But, to do that, he would have to be the legal father, which means that he would have to acknowledge paternity, or be found to be the father through court ordered genetic testing. At that point, a judge will make a determination regarding custody and visitation. They will consider his criminal record and current behavior (as long as it is supported by substantiated evidence, not just accusations). They will also consider the fact that you probably knew about it when you chose to have a child with him when they look at your level of responsibility and capacity to make good choices.

There is a good chance that he will receive supervised visitation at a minimum.

khales1127 · Oct 18, 2011, 11:47 AM

I'm in Florida ; when we got together 3 years ago he wasn't the person he is now. He got the drug charges within the second year or our relationship which is around the time I became pregnant. I'm 19 I can't help who I fell in love with & I take all responsibilities for staying around. But I can protect my child from having to be around that I will. I do want any type of support from him. I just want him to become and man and admit he's wrong. I hope the judge will see where I'm coming from and just understand I'm young and trying to do what's right . I don't mind visits just no overnight.

JudyKayTee · Oct 18, 2011, 11:54 AM

Why would you deprive your child of extra financial help? That makes no sense and support is NOT connected to visitation. How is he wrong? What is he wrong about? Until DNA testing proves it's his child and the Court orders him to pay and schedules visitation he can threaten all he wants. It's meaningless.

Yes, I don't see him getting unsupervised visitation if you can PROVE he's a danger to the child. I do see him getting supervised visitation. No overnights now, but that could be awarded as the child gets older.

kcomissiong · Oct 18, 2011, 12:06 PM

And again, courts will look at things like the statement you made about not wanting support and just wanting him to admit he was wrong as a measure of your maturity and responsibility. The money isn't for you. Its for your child, and as Judy mentioned, it makes no sense to deprive your child of it. Why is proving a point to your ex more important than the long term well-being of your child? It comes across as combative, and if he ever decided to make good on his threats, that attitude will hurt you in court.

This is a legal board, but I'm going to share with you personally as well. I became a parent at 19, with a man who obviously was a bad choice. (Come on, you knew he was dealing before the police picked him up, and you know what, I knew too) It requires you to grow up very quickly and make choices that put your child first. Child support is one on those choices. If you refuse to use it, save it for your child to use when they are an adult or are going to college.

You have a very hard road to travel because of your choices, but a good beginning is to put your child's interest over any concern about your ex.

AK lawyer · Oct 18, 2011, 12:06 PM

Originally Posted by khales1127

... we got together 3 years ago ... drug charges within the second year or our relationship which is around the time I became pregnant. ...

If you have had a relationship for three years, and you are pregnant now, you got pregnant within the third year of your relationship, not the second.

Originally Posted by khales1127

... I just want him to become and man and admit hes wrong. I hope the judge will see where I'm coming from and just understand I'm young and trying to do whats right . I don't mind visits just no overnight.

If it goes to court, no. It's not about his admitting he is somehow wrong (you are not too clear on that point), but rather on what is in the best interest of the child. If you don't want him to have overnight visitation, you will have to come up with a better reason than you have stated thus far. Sorry (and I am suggesting this to help you in court), but in your prevous post you come across like a petulant child rather than an adult.

khales1127 · Oct 18, 2011, 10:19 PM

He's not going to pay me child support. So for me to sit and say I'm dependent on it would be stupid. And when I said he's wrong I'm saying that because why would you try and hurt me by saying your going to take a child from me just because your mad at me. He should think about the well being of his child but he doesn't. I really don't care to be with him anymore I just wanted for his daughter to have a father in her life I would never keep him away from her I just don't trust him with her. & you may think I knew about what he was doing but everything was hid from me until he was arrested. He would lie to me about it , I should've left when the truth came out but I didn't. And for that I'm paying for of now.

JudyKayTee · Oct 19, 2011, 05:37 AM

Maybe the Court will FORCE him to pay child support; maybe you'll get support ordered now and collect it later. Why would you want your child to live with less when you have the ability to support her in a better manner?

What he could and should do are two different things, unfortunately. You were NOT proactive when you were together.

Maybe the time to be proactive is now.

He's saying whatever he can to threaten and hurt you. Ignore him.

Fr_Chuck · Oct 19, 2011, 05:39 AM

First you don't say you are dependent on it, you say that it is his obligation and your child's right to get it.

He never has to admit anything, right now you are still talking in anger, not logic. He an always for the rest of his life, state he is right, nothing you can ever do about that.

Next unless you can prove he is a threat to her, NOW, he will get over night visits, at leat in the future after she is a little older.

Also understand, that when you tell the court about his drug sales, he criminal history, they will ask you why you were with him for 3 years, ask you if you were helping with the drug sales perhaps and more. You were part of the same life or shared his life for those years, and the court will ask or assume you had no problem with that life, until you split up with him.